Bee~ Journal of then...

[Beekissed]

Murphy, it really, really bites, doesn't it? I know I should be grateful to have a job and to have anything that I have. This I know.

I also know that I was never an equal rights babe....never. I always wanted to be a stay at home wife/mom and that was ALL I really wanted....well, that and to be one on a farm.

Like you, never really got a break from working. It's not the working that bugs me....I love to stay busy. It's HAVING to work and having to leave my home to do so that I resent...always have.

I want to wake up when it gets daylight and go to bed early, I want to live my life by the seasons and close to the earth. I want to have time to help others, grow beautiful things, visit the sick, help a friend, make things with my hands, work hard all day outside and feel so high from it that I cannot sleep that night.

In short, I want to have my own time to do the things I've always wanted to do without feeling worn down to a nub so badly that I just want to curl up and die when I get home. I want my life back.

I know that sounds like a whole lot of whining....but I woke up this morning realizing that I am old and the years have flown and I want nothing more than to go outside and work on my land instead of going out to face the public....again....and feel like at the end of the day that I never really make a difference. Not one that I can see. No tangible difference.

The sun was shining and I was running hither and thither doing another's bidding when all I wanted was to be working out in the sunshine, smelling the breeze, watching a crow fly overhead.

 

[big brown horse]

Bee, you need to be a writer (broken record, I know) but I think so many folks would buy your book. Then you can work from home, set your own hours etc. Think of the commute!!!!!!

 

[pioneergirl]

I want to wake up when it gets daylight and go to bed early, I want to live my life by the seasons and close to the earth. I want to have time to help others, grow beautiful things, visit the sick, help a friend, make things with my hands, work hard all day outside and feel so high from it that I cannot sleep that night.

In short, I want to have my own time to do the things I've always wanted to do without feeling worn down to a nub so badly that I just want to curl up and die when I get home. I want my life back.

I know that sounds like a whole lot of whining....but I woke up this morning realizing that I am old and the years have flown and I want nothing more than to go outside and work on my land instead of going out to face the public....again....and feel like at the end of the day that I never really make a difference. Not one that I can see. No tangible difference.

The sun was shining and I was running hither and thither doing another's bidding when all I wanted was to be working out in the sunshine, smelling the breeze, watching a crow fly overhead.

Oh Bee! I feel like that more and more everyday, I just didn't know how to put it into words, you have done that! I so wish all of us hard working SS'ers could form our own community, living off of each other's skills. We would at least feel like the work that we love is contributing to a greater project. Since that won't happen, I will be just as content being on my own, being SS, working for myself, doing what I want, in the manner that I want. The Earth is calling my dear......

 

[Farmfresh]

instead of going out to face the public....again....and feel like at the end of the day that I never really make a difference. Not one that I can see. No tangible difference.

Dear dear Bee. I do feel your pain. I TOTALLY understand the desire to stay at home and enjoy the farming. Mee too. Now I am .. as a true friend should ... going to kick your butt.

"I never really make a difference". ARE you kidding ME?!! In the work you do you ARE the difference. The problem is the people that you make the most difference to die. I am sure you will be greeted by a committee of supporters when you finally cross through the pearly gates!

Now stop your whining and get back out there. There are people that need you and what you do.

 

[Beekissed]

Pi-girl and Murphy....so good to know that I am not alone in my yearnings for a "better" life. Yeah, I get discontented also.... I just get the feeling every now and again that I have paid my dues, now let me have some fun. Had a very serious talk with the Lord yesterday about this.

Farm.... Yeah....I know. Can you hear an audible sigh from where you live?

I know what I do is a good service to the community but I really don't feel like it is I that does it....it is the place I work. Others could do it just as well or better than I.....I just want to be released from this holding pattern and fly free.

I'll try to tone the whining down to a small whimper today and think of how to start my book (thanks, BBH! )......oh, where to start?

"It was a dark and stormy night.....there were some chickens....and I was scrapin' a darn hide and something about some sheep"

 

[murphysranch]

Big Hug Sister.

 

[Dace]

Bee, FF is right and you are wrong.

It is YOU who is making a difference. Your kind heart and gentle ways touch people who need it most. Don't sell your self short my friend. The world is a better place for those who have the pleasure of coming in contact with you.....whether you feel it or not....they do.

 

[Beekissed]

Aw, shucks! Youin's are so swwwweeeet!

Well, because of youins' I am going to just do it. I discussed the book thingy with my mom, sis, kids and friends and they think its a great idea.

My sis said, "It's about time!!!!" Gotta love sisters, huh?

I'm pretty excited about it. I've given myself a two year goal to complete this new "project". I know the hard part is getting a publisher but I also have a hard time organizing my thoughts.

Here was the clincher....you guys know I always look for signs. Today I ate Chinese and opened my fortune cookie to find......













Absolutely no fortune. None. Nada. Zip.

Well, to most folks that would be a mere coincidence but I stopped believing in those long ago. I've lived 43 years and never NOT gotten a fortune in a FC. I've even had two fortunes in one before.

This is how I took this.....I have to stop waiting for someone to give me a fortune and just go out and make my own. How's that for "glass is half full" thinking?

Also was standing at a counter, waiting on an item and noticed the small inspirational calendar at my elbow. There was a nice little quote about making goals:

"To set a goal, even a small one, and complete it, reaps a double bonus: dreaming and doing something not thought possible."

Now...how's THAT for signs?

Thank you, my wonderful friends, for the final push, the final inspiration, the final poop or get off the pot feeling!

 

[big brown horse]

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

yay Bee!!!