Bee~ Journal of then...

[Beekissed]

Shareneh, I understand completely!!! I can honestly say that every church I've ever attended has been a disappointment when it comes to true Christianity and fellowship. I go anyway because the Bible tells me to, but I don't feel loved or nourished by those people.

One fella over there has taken a liking to our family and has helped us and fellowshipped with us....unfortunately, his wife seems to feel threatened. This is quite laughable, if you knew me, and her husband dotes on the woman constantly and has never made me feel creepy in his genuine friendship at all. He is the only person in that church besides myself with any true joyfulness of spirit, so we hit it off and are happy to see another smile on Sunday mornings.

Other than that, all the churches we've attended have been sort of like yours.....weird, to say the least. People playing at church, is what we call it. But still, we go. As I have come to find out, just like you, the idea of church is not the people but communing in God's house on a Sunday is where my family and I should be.

 

[2dream]

Bee - glad you are feeling better.

I like the rental car idea. Definitely takes some of the pressure off. But so glad you got to drive your sons car to discover that it could have been him in the next accident.

Just one more blessing in that discovery.

 

[Beekissed]

Yes!!! And....along the way of searching for a car in the local free ad publication, I stumbled on several items that I have been needing to find! Sheep, manure, hay, Gravely tractor!

Also, in taking a trip down home, I will be staying at my parent's house, which I haven't done since Dad accused me of being the cause of all the family's troubles since time began and for trying to break up his marriage(translation: I encouraged Mom to get her driver's license and to be more firm in her attempts to get Dad to a psych eval for his Alzheimer's )

Mom says that Dad is contrite about his behavior but just can't express it and is worried sick over the recent events in my life. So, this will be a time to let him off the hook for his behavior~which is not entirely caused by his Alzheimer's~ and let the boys see him before he forgets who they are completely.

So....blesssings in disguise, I guess. You know, they say that life is a tapestry of God's making. We stand on the back of the tapestry and see only the knots, while God stands on the face of it and is weaving in the beauty.

 

[2dream]

Bee - I use that tapestry story all the time. It is so true.

As bad as the accident was and all the problems it seems to have caused you - looks like a lot of good is coming from it.

 

[Beekissed]

Yes.....as usual, it works itself all out and I'm calming down into it....finding that still point that I was searching so hard to find!

I love it that I have practiced finding that peace and now it doesn't come as hard as it used to.....I wish more people could do this in times of stress and lessen the effects of the whole ordeal. I know people who seem to thrive on stress and, if there is none present, will work themselves up over nothing just to feel anxious! I never understood that at all.

Do you all know people like that? The ones who come into the office on a perfectly fine day and find some little thing to go completely berserk over? And they do it every day? Like they can't bear for things to be peaceful or happy.....they must feel tension or stress and get worked up or the day just isn't complete. I usually just sit back and marvel at it!

 

[freemotion]

It is an easier way to get attention, going berserk, that is....than actually doing something productive and good. It is a habit that some people fall into out of laziness or self-centeredness or maybe they were just brought up that way. Either way, it is a choice and anyone can choose to be happy or not, no matter what their circumstances. Happiness comes from within.

I'm not saying we won't have stressful times or sad times, it is the overall attitude towards life on a daily basis. You, Bee, are obviously one who has chosen to be happy!

 

[Beekissed]

Yes! It was a conscious choice, to be sure. After my divorce I fell into bitterness and negativity until a good friend told me how unpleasant this was. So.....I chose to smile even when I didn't feel like it. Then it came easier. Now its part of my life to enjoy every little thing....sounds, smells, sights.

I think you are right about the attention and the habit thing for folks who like stress. I RUN from stress! Too old to want to deal with it anymore, that's to be sure!

 

[MorelCabin]

Hey Bee! Just popping in to say HI! Glad to hear you'll be spending some time with your folks and making a few hard spots a little softer:>)

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Bee! I am so glad to hear you might still be getting your sheep and everything else you need regardless of the accident!

Sorry I missed a couple days of excitement!

 

[freemotion]

I really, really enjoyed Victor Frankl's book "Mankind's Search for Meaning..." or is it Man's? Quite the eye-opener. Available in all libraries, I would think, as it is quite the classic. He is a psychiatrist in the Nazi concentration camps, observing the survival techniques (or not) of various people, including himself, in one of the worst and most stressful situations a person can be in. A must-read. It is a book about emotional survival and inner choices. Very empowering in a world where much pop psychology dis-empowers people.