Denim Deb Hay, hay, hay. Thank the Lord!

[Denim Deb]

Quick update, it's all I have time for.

I just haven't had time to work in the garden at all, and probably won't be able to get into it this year w/the way the forecast looks. I tried the one day, but it's been so cold that the ground was too frozen.

Monday, I got almost nothing done. At times I get very painful ovarian cysts. I had on on Monday. It was very difficult to clean stalls since I was doubled over at times, but I was able to finish. I did just the bare minimum for everything, then came home and got into bed w/a heating pad. That's the only thing that makes me feel better.

Tuesday, I got almost nothing done at home since I had a chiropractic and allergist appointment in the afternoon. I was almost home when my DH called and told me to stop at the store and get a few things. He had been going to, but was having problems w/his ATM card. Then I had to do wood in the dark.

Yesterday, I got home and started right in on cleaning the house. I could use another week b4 Christmas, but it just isn't going to happen. I got the majority of the living room clean! That's a big accomplishment, so today I will be able to do the tree. I would have done some work in the kitchen, but I had to run out to the farm. I had 2 young roosters at home. They're 13 weeks old now. I don't have a clue as to how to butcher them and have yet to find anyone who does. I even called up the one place my DH says that processes them. They no longer do it. And I had the one neighbor complaining. I promised her Tuesday that they'd be gone yesterday so I had to set something up for them out at the farm. Then, I had to wait until they went in their house for the night since that was the only way I could catch them. So I had to run them out to the farm last night. But, there was no crowing this morning, so I guess it was a good thing.

Once I was done w/them, I had to run out to the store. My DD has decided to go vegetarian. I have no problem if that's how she wants to eat, but I refuse to cook a separate meal for her. She's 19! And, she won't cook for herself. Instead, her dad lets her get all the premade meals she wants! That stuff is expensive. But, they had hams on sale for 99 C a pound-limit one-and this was the only time I had to get to the store, so I got my ham and put it in the freezer. Once I got home, I had to bring the food in, put it away and then do wood. We had no wood in the house, so it HAD to be done. Dinner was a premade pizza. My DD had already left by the time it was done. I had 2 slices, figured there be some leftover for my lunch today. My DH ate the rest of it! So, I have to find something else for lunch.

It was right around 8:00 when I was finally able to even eat. And, I was too beat to even read all the posts on here. I was falling asleep. So, I went to bed. Today will be more of the same.

 

[BarredBuff]

Sounds like you have been busy!

 

[savingdogs]

I'm sorry to hear about your ovarian cysts, a dear friend of mine suffered with those for years. She finally had one ovary out. I hope that yours isn't as bad! It isn't fair to have more than one health issue, if you asked me.

We deal with different diets at our house. That does make the overall cost of things go up, that is for sure. I try to cook several things for dinner, extra sides, for those of us that can't eat this or that. I have more leftovers, but I warm those up later. We do this mainly because I can't have high sodium, hubby can't have certain carbs and my sons won't eat any seafood or unusual foods and prefer pizza and chili, which I cannot have.

I'd say the 19-year-old could buy and cook for herself and help split the wood, too, especially when you are having pain from ovarian cysts! That is not nice to let that work fall to you when you are not feeling well. You should let them know that on certain days you need them to pick up the slack! That makes me angry and wish I could live next door and come over and do your wood today. Then if I got the spins I could hold down your couch for you while you have your hot pad and we could finish reading Galatians together while I spin and you groan. Where is the dizzy emoticon for us when you need it?

There are days/hours with my MD that I cannot do a single THING but lay in bed, make sure the stress of your life does not push you to that stage lest your family will be doing a lot more than they are currently, picking up slack. If hubby is not supportive, tell him your most important job is to raise well balanced, independent and self sufficient children who will do well when you and he are not around, and this would include when you are not well (kinda like practice). Explain you have learned you have to control your stress level or you will worsen and be a lot less useful around the house (trust me, it isn't a threat, it is true). But the kids need to pick up the slack in order to become adults as well as relieve your burden. Doing chores builds character and it sounds like you are the one with the most of it around your house! Hubby is encouraging them to stay adolescents. A 19-year-old could cook herself vegetarian foods.

The way we work the different diets here is this: We have dinner together which consists sometimes of two main courses or sides or cooked different ways. On weekends, we have breakfasts together in the same manner. All the other meals, my sons and husband are on their own and while we have special ingredients here for those meals and some packaged stuff, they are on their own as far as cooking and cleaning up after themselves. They were not cleaning up after themselves until I demanded it....it is still an ongoing task, but a good friend of mine told me many years ago that every year, our children should learn to be a little more independent from us, starting when they are babies and the process never ends. We have our teenage sons make dinner for us at least once a week and have taught them to make simple meals for everyone like spagetti or heating up something on the grill. They make their own cakes, hard boil their own eggs and do their own laundry, because if they don't, nobody does it for them. This has happened at our house because of the many many days I have just layed in bed spinning, but the end result has them growing independent, doing their own wash and cooking themselves food when they are hungry. That doesn't mean I don't help them or act like an interfering mom at other times, but me being too tired or incapable has actually helped them grow into bigger people.

I'm STILL training the husband, but I've been working on him for a long long time so he is finally coming out right. But he is on board with me about creating independent children, which does help with them. Yours needs to be supportive of your rules or they will just go around you. I'd try to find the right timing to have discussions with him about that, but find a way to bring up that you need their help at times or the ability to delegate to them what you cannot accomplish. But Holy Cow woman, you are the last thing from lazy, someone else around there needs to get off their...chair when you are not feeling well. Ovarian cysts + MD = Denim Deb needs to hold down that couch awhile!

 

[Farmfresh]

Don't feel bad about it either Deb. There are days and sometimes WEEKS that I can do little more than get back and forth to the bathroom with my arthritis. It is what it is. You just gotta sit back and ride it out.

As far as the vegetarian is concerned I would buy her (or library) some nutrition books. Healthy vegetarianism takes knowledge and quite a bit of work. It is not as easy as just not eating meat and those prepackaged meals are probably not worth it both by cost and by nutrition. If she is going to choose this diet and lifestyle then fine, but possibly she will not be interested when she sees the amount of work involved in maintaining a good healthful vegetarian diet.

 

[savingdogs]

Excellent idea, FF, put it in HER lap to create her new diet she requests. That way she is on the road to making her own independent choices and learning to create the life she wants. Present it as a positive to your husband.

 

[Denim Deb]

SD, believe me, I tried when the kids were little to have them do chores. I'd tell them to do something and my hubby would ask, why do they have to do it, why can't you? I'd tell them I wanted them to do something simple, like unload and reload the dishes b4 I'd go out to something like prayer meeting. I'd get home, he'd be asleep on the couch, and the dishes weren't done. I'd ask my daughter, why didn't you do the dishes? She'd reply, I forgot. And of course by then, it was too late at night to do them. As a result, I'd end up doing them in the morning

And my family is not very supportive on me at all. They complain about the mess in the house, but for the most part, they won't lift a finger to clean. And if I don't do anything, no one else will pick up the slack. Believe me, I've tried. Yesterday morning, it took me an hour to get the trash out. The bucket we use for plastics, glass, etc was full. No one could take it out, dump it in the container it belongs in and bring it back in. Instead, they just threw stuff on the floor. I use old feed bags for all the paper and cardboard. I hadn't thought to put one out, and rather than ask me for one, that was all thrown on the floor as well. And, I can't take the mess any longer! I'm trying my hardest to get the house clean-not for them, but for me. I have no place even to eat sitting down unless I eat in bed. There's a big screen TV on my table! The couch and recliner are covered w/laundry, so that leaves the bed. I will probably have to work on Christmas just so I have room to cook a turkey. Plus we could have a rather large snowstorm on Sunday into Monday, so that means I'll have to do wood on Christmas.

Oh and I almost forgot to add, my husband has spoiled our daughter. He gets her everything she asks for. While I love my children, I have basically stopped trying to get them to be independent. That only works if both parents are in agreement. If anything were to happen to my hubby, both of my kids would be in for a rude awakening.

 

[Farmfresh]

I feel your pain to at least some degree. Most of the stuff that gets done around here is me doing it alone. Hubby is a hard worker... at work and brings home his whole check to me. On the other hand ANY project that gets done at home is ME. My kids helped some, but with only me riding herd on them. Do it later is a common thread around here.

Projects that I have completed over the years include: re-wiring our whole house, re-plumbing our whole house, gutting and re-insulating, re-rocking and finishing every room, re-building our back porch and landscaping our yard. Most of the work was all by myself. Rarely I had help from kids or hubby. If hubby was required he was usually griping about it. It was always too hot, too cold, too rainy, he was too tired or too sore or it was inconvenient in some other way.

These days he is more helpful, but I think it is mainly due to my arthritis and he feels bad watching me work in pain. He is mainly a very good man. Just does not have the same vision or drive that I did/do.

 

[savingdogs]

Having the support of your man does help shape the children. I have to "ride herd" constantly here or else they leave me all the chores to do, even if I wasn't home! So no one is perfect here either, but they know better than to leave me everything because they don't want to hear my reaction.

 

[dragonlaurel]

Deb- A vegetarian cookbook that also talks about nutrition is a good idea. Hope it gives her the idea to make her own food. ;-)
I went vegetarian when I graduated from high school. I started buying and preparing most of my own food then. She needs to learn independence, and not always have everything easy at home, or she'll never want to get her own place.

You need to go on a little vacation- by yourself.
Or tell them that you are cutting back a bit, to try to heal. Each of them can and should take a turn cooking, doing dishes, or chopping wood one day a week. Write it on a calendar or something like that so it's obvious who's day it is for the chore. If they don't do it on their day- let the family run out of clean plates, or tell them to put on a sweater, cause (name) didn't cut their share of wood. Make it clear that each person should do their share.
When hubby tries to ask "why can't you do it?", tell him "One person shouldn't have to do everybody's work."

 

[Denim Deb]

DL, I've tried that. All I get is complaints and the work piles up even more. Then hubby gets drunk and starts yelling, screaming and cursing. I've called the cops on him 2x hoping he'd wake up. It didn't work.

If I had the money to get out of here, I would. But, I cannot support myself at this point in time. I cannot get a regular job. I never know when I'm going to get a vertigo attack, the severity of it, how long it will last or if my hearing is going to suddenly go. My hubby has us so far in debt that even though I know I'd get at least a third of his paycheck, he wouldn't be able to pay the bills. I have prayed and prayed and prayed about this, but don't feel right about leaving at this stage. Maybe one day.