Family issues....I could use some insight please.

[big brown horse]

I sorta had a bit of a similar delima with my big sister. She asked me to board her 3 horses temporarly over the summer in Houston. They were in between houses while one was being renovated. (Very wealthy sister, she owns 2 houses and all.) The catch was that she would provide the feed, pay vet bills and come and ride with me on the weekends and share chores on the weekends.

It turned out to be a very, very tropical-wet, and hot summer that year. The mud sucked our rubber boots smooth off of our feet. Most horses there (public, self-care stables) had their own horse shoes sucked off too by the mud, and horse shoes are nailed on!

To make a long story short, mucking and wheeling the wheel barrow out to the "poo pile" through knee deep mud was pure h#ll, let alone doing it during 102 degree heat. She never came out to ride or help and it was I who drove to the feed store, hauled her many 50# bags of feed into the barn, held them for the farrier to do their feet etc. and stacked hay for her horses. Then she had the nerve to tell me that one of her horses looked thin, when I actually put some much needed meat on the poor old horse's bones! When it was all over, she barely said thank you. Clueless!!!!

I didn't complain, but I learned to NEVER agree to take care of her horses again, no matter what.


Justus,
If that was my sister and her dumb, big, old hog, well, I would have the butcher wrap up all those cuts, nice and neat like. Then give them to her to stock her new, fancy freezer...without saying a word. She may decide home grown pork really isn't her gig after all. She will never ask you to raise her hog again.

If she complains (then she really is rude) feign ignorance and say, "My hogs tasted just fine, is it perhaps the way you are preparing the meat?"

 

[me&thegals]

Oh, that really stinks!

I guess I have a couple suggestions. First, let her know exactly what went into it. I'm sure you can find a way to graciously explain your time and expenses.

Next, (unfortunately, this would have been better before the deal than now) let her know that farming really is not a sure deal. Maybe she could even phone your butcher, an unbiased 3rd party who could explain how unknowable this hidden testicle situation was.

Then, do whatever you can to make it right with your sister. Hopefully the above 2 conversations will help her see things from your side. If not, I know it's gonna be tough and not feel fair. But, if your relationship fell apart, 10 years from now would you think it was worth it over a pig?

ETA: Hah! I like BBH's idea of passing off the meat as home grown flavor. Mmmm.....

Also, I think it's probably best when people don't try to do these types of situations. Or at least go into them assuming they will end up with all the work and all the cost. Then it's not so frustrating when that actually happens.

I love my sister! Sometimes things unbalance for a period of time, but then she will do something lovely like take our entire family out to lunch in thanks for all the veggies we gift her and her family.

 

[Ldychef2k]

Hmm, on further consideration, I have a Plan B. Tell her how bad you feel about the meat being "off", and offer to give her yours. Only don't.

 

[MorelCabin]

Hmm, on further consideration, I have a Plan B. Tell her how bad you feel about the meat being "off", and offer to give her yours. Only don't.

 

[Okiemommy]

This is so hard Debbie! I understand where you're coming from, but in my situation it is my mother who is like this.

I think you got some good advice here

What I would like to add to it is that you should get some healthy boundaries set up with your sis. If she asks something of you again, when you know is going to cause you problems due to her lack of grace and mercy towards you, lovingly tell her, I am soo sorry! But I just can't do x. And leave it at that. Don't try to explain it because that will give her the chance to pick it apart and give you a reason why you should, or can do it. Setting the boundary up is out of love, because if you choose to do x, you know it will cause contention and resentment between the two of you if you do.

Now, she will probably react negatively to this, because people don't like it when you tell them no. Especially people that are convinced that everyone owes them something. But you are not responsible for her(like she thinks you are). She is responsible for her; you are only responsible for you. If you set up healthy boundaries with love in your heart towards her it will lesson the amount of stress, tension, and worry you experience. Her reactions, expectations etc will be on her, and you will be able to be more free around her because you have already decided that she is responsible for those things, not you.

 

[justusnak]

I guess I need to clear up a few things...
1. We were both raised in the country...farming. She knows...or should...about raiseing animals. I think thats why she didnt want to raise it on her property...her "Gentlemans farm" as she calls it.
2. She did give me the money for the vet..and the food...just didnt offer to help with ANY of the chores...while she was here "visiting her pig" ( her words, we came to see our pig)
3. I told her about the "possibility" of an odor and explaind the meat would taste fine. She responded..." WHY would I want meat that STINKS? NO I dont want stinky meat" She was very upset...raiseing her voice several times at me.
The butcher said he can not smoke the meat, if its tainted. I asked...he said it would taint all the other meat in there...and because he would have to do it alone in the smoker, and disinfect the 700 pound smoker afterwards...we " could not afford it" So, the bacon and hams would just be fresh pork. I dont have the ability, OR DESIRE to smoke it for her.
Hubby and I have already agreed....we will NOT raise another pig...for ANYONE...family or not. We will raise a few every year...and take them to butcher. Once the pigs are there, we will ask family members if they want to BUY the pig...for the going pork rate...( right now its 60 cents a pound, on the hoof) and they pay butcher fees. IF no one in the family wants it...FINE...we will put 2 in the freezer, and if needed, use it for Christmas gifts! LOL
There is a possibility the meat is good, a SLIM possibility. If its NOT good...I dont want it....she doesnt want it...so the butcher said he will "dispose of it" I am sure he will sell it for dog food, and make a few dollars from it. Hubby said he doesnt want to pay the butcher to cut and wrap it all up...( a few hundred dollars because of the weight) and then feed it to the dogs. So...we have learned a lesson....no matter how much they BEG...DONT raise animals for ANYONE else! HIDE our canned goods from pearing eyes......and just ACT POOR! LOL

 

[me&thegals]

What I would like to add to it is that you should get some healthy boundaries set up with your sis. If she asks something of you again, when you know is going to cause you problems due to her lack of grace and mercy towards you, lovingly tell her, I am soo sorry! But I just can't do x. And leave it at that. Don't try to explain it because that will give her the chance to pick it apart and give you a reason why you should, or can do it. Setting the boundary up is out of love, because if you choose to do x, you know it will cause contention and resentment between the two of you if you do.

So wise and so true!

 

[justusnak]

I think you got some good advice here

What I would like to add to it is that you should get some healthy boundaries set up with your sis. If she asks something of you again, when you know is going to cause you problems due to her lack of grace and mercy towards you, lovingly tell her, I am soo sorry! But I just can't do x. And leave it at that. Don't try to explain it because that will give her the chance to pick it apart and give you a reason why you should, or can do it. Setting the boundary up is out of love, because if you choose to do x, you know it will cause contention and resentment between the two of you if you do.

I was able to tell her NO, when she asked me to raise 25 cornish X for her. I explained we didnt have the space, or the time. (we didnt raise any for us this year either) THATS when she asked about the pig.
Thanks for all the advice everyone...I guess the best I can hope for is that the meat is good....and everything turns out. Mostly I was looking for advice, for the " just in case"

 

[lorihadams]

Good luck!

 

[enjoy the ride]

It's so hard with family members because every issue carries years of baggage with it. And your family member may certainly not have the characteristics that you would choose for a friend.
That said, I would tell her how bad you feel about how this has turned out- which I'm sure you do even if it may not be exactly for the same reason your sister does. I would tell her that this is a bad situation despite the hard work done out of love (and I would mention lots of details,) you put in to get her something good- how you really, really tried and are so unhappy about this. I would tell her how the loss of such an investment in time and work would hurt your family, that you can't afford to just give her your pig however much you would like to, and you can understand her being upset.
Then ask her what she considers to be fair to both of you? What does she want to do with HER pig? Give it a try or cut her losses now? She can take responsibility for that choice at least.

Unless you are ready to deal with the results of making a firm stand with her- a bit of compromising might make it much better. Did you call her about what the vet said about the castration? If she went along with the idea of continuing the raising , then that was her choice but a little sugar might make the bitter pill easier to swallow for her. Maybe a bit of your pig? If not, then lots of sympathy for her loss.

But you now have a built in excuse for no more raising things for her- just tell her that you just couldn't stand to have it not work out like the pig thing. Which is certainly the truth, but with a little Washington spin on it.