foster parenting

[AL]

I have love love loved reading about folks doing foster care!!
I am not a foster parent, but my older brother and my older sister are adopted.

Also, a good friend of mine fostered for a few years when she lived here. She fostered a 6yr old boy - the cutest kid I have ever seen, with huge eyes. He had been through so much .
She made memory books for all of her fosters - pics of special events, good days, friends and pets, as well as short notes about things she loved about that child. About a year after the 6yr old was adopted, my friend got a phone call with a sweet shy voice on the end thanking her for "remembery book".
Then she fostered 10yr old twin boys. They had been in so much trouble they were bound for either juvey or a group home if she couldn't make it work. They were a handful at first, but within just a couple of weeks they had settled into a routine. They loved marking off their chores on the chart she made. There were some major shifts when the boys were 13 and one was sent to a group home and my friend adopted the other and moved away. Broke my heart. So even though I didn't foster, I went for my background check, etc and became a mentor for the twin left behind. Right before his 16th birthday he invited me to attend his adoption hearing.

So even if you aren't ready or in a place to foster you can still possibly make a difference. Just check with your child services department or local group homes to see if you can mentor. If it's like our area, you may have children's home sponsored by religious organizations so that may be an option without so much behavior issues, but "orphans" if that is a concern.

 

[freemotion]

Not sure if this is addressed to me? We were not asked from Feb to Aug, which surprised us. Then, since our first 2-hour placement, we were asked 3 additional times in which we turned them down. We specifically asked for school-aged children because of my job situation, but it started to look like there weren't going to be any placements at all if we stuck to that, so we agreed to this last one.

It was addressed to you, but I'm glad that Firefyter-Emt answered it, too. I've always wanted to foster/adopt, but our lives don't allow it right now. One day. Sigh. I'd actually like to work with older children or sibling groups. Teens tend to confide in me, I think I've heard it all by now....but no, there is always something worse that happens to kids. But I feel I could handle it. I've dealt with many abused children and suicidal kids, they just find me somehow.

Ha! Ain't that true!
You would make an AWESOME foster parent! I just know it!

Thanks everyone, you've given me more to think about and ideas for working on dh!

 

[me&thegals]

That's a beautiful story, AL!

Free, as for DH, slow and steady seemed to do the job here The good ol' "How can we NOT when we have so much and some kids have nothing?" sort of stuff...

 

[bibliophile birds]

I've known I wanted to adopt since I was 12. My church choir did a Christmas concert at a local children's home and my heart broke seeing all those kids without families. My mom and I were at the store later that day and I just insisted that we go adopt some kids. When she, very logically, tried to explain why we couldn't just go adopt kids, I had a total meltdown. I was just so upset and couldn't understand her reasoning.

Of course, I understood it as I got older, but my desire to adopt has never wavered. Working with children from Africa who have lost everything because of wars and poverty in their countries has just made the desire stronger. These kids have been through hell: many have watched their families be murdered, have raised their siblings on their own after their parents died of AIDS, or have been drugged and brainwashed into becoming child soldiers. And yet they are amazingly resilient and determined to find happiness in life, one way or another.

Being settled back at the farm, I'm now seriously thinking about fostering. I know it's a bit trickier as a single woman with a non-typical job, but I know that I've got so much love to give. It worries my family because they know my propensity to want to save everyone, but just doing my little bit would make me feel like I had accomplished so much. And what kid doesn't want to grow up (or at least spend some quality time) on a farm?

Reading all your posts just make me feel like it's the right time. So, thanks for the push.

 

[me&thegals]

That's wonderful, bibliophilebirds! We don't have much stuff that many kids have--TV, stereo system, Wii, etc.--so I have been worried about that aspect. But it was SO cool to see how much our 5-yo foster daughter wanted to be outside ALL the time. She loved the sandbox, picking fall strawberries and raspberries, doing chicken chores. I think farm life just has this healing, soothing, calming quality to it. I think lots in the city could, too, but I have so far appreciated that aspect of the farm life.

Bib--I love your willingness to do SOMEthing. We can't really save the world, but I already feel better about my place on this earth by doing just something, something at all, to try to make things a little better.

Plus, I have to add, we were seriously held back by our concerns about DH's family. Not very interested in our kids, not very open to new experiences, not seemingly very compassionate, etc. All our worries were shot down!! The family absolutely surrounded us with support and help the last few days. I LOVE it when you have negative feelings that are proved wrong. I can't say it will always be this way, but at least for this first time the family was incredibly helpful and supportive, and I won't ever forget.

So, I guess I'm saying that some perceived obstacles may end up not being obstacles at all, but even opportunities for growth in those around you. Same thing happened with friends we spent time with last week! It was wonderful!!

 

[Firefyter-Emt]

I will chime in here that all of our family have been over the top supportive as well. My parent's even make a point to drive over the day we get any placement and they are about 4 towns away.

It's funny you think you may deprive them of the very thing depriving them of the stuff that gave us fond memories as kids.... being outside doing stuff! Do you ever stop to think... will out kids look back fondly on playing some video game all day???

 

[me&thegals]

I will chime in here that all of our family have been over the top supportive as well. My parent's even make a point to drive over the day we get any placement and they are about 4 towns away.

It's funny you think you may deprive them of the very thing depriving them of the stuff that gave us fond memories as kids.... being outside doing stuff! Do you ever stop to think... will out kids look back fondly on playing some video game all day???

That's neat about your family

No, I don't worry about deprivation. We choose little media because we think it is far better (no judgment here) than having that stuff. It's just that many kids play that ALL the time, and I realize it could be a pretty rough transition coming to our home. So, it was a relief that at least this time it was a complete nonissue.

I also worried about the food, as we have nearly no processed food and loads of fruits and veggies (I AM an organic veggie and fruit farmer, after all ), and that WAS a big thing. Our FD's mom had sent food along (Trix cereal, Gogurts, pudding, etc.), so sometimes that's all she would eat. I imagine in a longer placement we might have to work a bit on that, as my kids were spouting off the "no fair" when FD got Gogurts while they ate veggie-loaded minestrone soup

 

[bibliophile birds]

even though they would worry, my family would probably be totally supportive. we're a big, pretty close family. so any foster kid would instantly be surrounded by family. here on the farm alone are my parents, my sister and my niece, my brother, my grandparents, an uncle and his wife and 2 kids. then there's another set of grandparents, 11 uncles and aunts, and about 30 more cousins and their families... all in the same town. and we eat lunch together every week.

maybe it'll all be TOO MUCH for a new kid! my cousin's husband brings his "little brother" to family gatherings some and he seems to enjoy himself.

 

[me&thegals]

Bib--that sounds incredible!

I just realized my earlier remark about not being able to save the world is in direct opposition to your signature line

 

[bibliophile birds]

I just realized my earlier remark about not being able to save the world is in direct opposition to your signature line

hahaha. maybe not direct opposition. it's all about the small things that are within our means. like fostering. we may not be able to stop children from ever being abused or neglected, but we can help the ones in front of us. it's a good thing.