foster parenting

[Firefyter-Emt]

Yea...You know we do it because we hate shaving, right? Although, you can't tell in the photo, my head is fully shaved. I am playing pay-back for all that hair back in the 80's! I go back and forth from smooth bald to cut as short as I can get it because I am too lazy to shave it every other day. I am on a long streak now, it's been smooth for almost two weeks!

 

[me&thegals]

It was addressed to you, but I'm glad that Firefyter-Emt answered it, too. I've always wanted to foster/adopt, but our lives don't allow it right now. One day. Sigh. I'd actually like to work with older children or sibling groups. Teens tend to confide in me, I think I've heard it all by now....but no, there is always something worse that happens to kids. But I feel I could handle it. I've dealt with many abused children and suicidal kids, they just find me somehow.

Free--there is SUCH a need! I would completely encourage you to go for it. Just take it a step at a time, and you can always say no when presented with each opportunity. That's what gave us the courage to finally go ahead, the knowledge that we could say no if needed. Of course, once we say yes we are fully committed to seeing that fostering experience through all the way. Can't even imagine adding to the trauma by flip-flopping...

 

[me&thegals]

Yea...You know we do it because we hate shaving, right? Although, you can't tell in the photo, my head is fully shaved. I am playing pay-back for all that hair back in the 80's! I go back and forth from smooth bald to cut as short as I can get it because I am too lazy to shave it every other day. I am on a long streak now, it's been smooth for almost two weeks!

DH has a full head of hair and hates shaving, too I don't "allow" him to shave off the goatee, though, because he has such a round baby face and needs that goatee to have a chin

 

[Blackbird]

I'd have expected the system to be using you a LOT more. Is this typical in your state? Are there more foster parents than children needing care?

Not sure if this is addressed to me? We were not asked from Feb to Aug, which surprised us. Then, since our first 2-hour placement, we were asked 3 additional times in which we turned them down. We specifically asked for school-aged children because of my job situation, but it started to look like there weren't going to be any placements at all if we stuck to that, so we agreed to this last one.

It was addressed to you, but I'm glad that Firefyter-Emt answered it, too. I've always wanted to foster/adopt, but our lives don't allow it right now. One day. Sigh. I'd actually like to work with older children or sibling groups. Teens tend to confide in me, I think I've heard it all by now....but no, there is always something worse that happens to kids. But I feel I could handle it. I've dealt with many abused children and suicidal kids, they just find me somehow.

Ha! Ain't that true!
You would make an AWESOME foster parent! I just know it!

 

[me&thegals]

AGREED!

 

[Firefyter-Emt]

It was addressed to you, but I'm glad that Firefyter-Emt answered it, too. I've always wanted to foster/adopt, but our lives don't allow it right now. One day. Sigh. I'd actually like to work with older children or sibling groups. Teens tend to confide in me, I think I've heard it all by now....but no, there is always something worse that happens to kids. But I feel I could handle it. I've dealt with many abused children and suicidal kids, they just find me somehow.

You know... I was dead against the whole notion of being a foster parent for a long time. Years in fact... I mean, I have my own kids and plenty of them!
One day my wife said something to me that smacked me into place without a harsh word, just reflection. You see, we could use a bigger house (God knows that's the truth!) and we are far from rich (in money anyway) and we don't even have a spare room for the foster baby to have all by them self. However what my wife told me made me look at it from their eyes.... She asked me if I really thought that a child that might be getting abused, not fed every meal time, that might be sleeping on a couch or even right the floor.... a child that may be around drugs, fights, a parent that did not come home that day. Plus all manner of bad behavior that you never what to even think of. Was I just that blind that I couldn't see what we DID have to offer???

It sounds like you might be great with teens, don't sell yourself short if you think you are not ready. Love can be quite rewarding and they are not looking for a vacation home... just a home.

 

[me&thegals]

We wives are great at long, slow guilt trips My husband took a long while to come around, but he is an awesome guy with a lot to offer. I guess what did it for us is pretty much the same as your wife--how could we NOT when we had so, so much to give. We aren't wealthy by U.S. standards, but we actually do have a spare room (you HAVE to in WI to foster) and plenty of food, land to play on, a farm to explore (down the road, so it's even safe!) and only 2 kids who each do not have a sibling of their gender.

All it took for our kids to come around was to build them each (actually, DD's is not built yet) a big wooden chest with a padlock in which to store their most precious toys.

What worries me a bit from this last time is how much the kids poured into it. I was so proud of them, and my love for them skyrocketed, but I think it really wore them out. My daughter (8) was pretty emotionally volatile by the 4th day. I think the nonstop nature of her involvement with our foster daughter (5) was just too much.

This experience taught us a few things: Like stocking up on diapers, wet wipes, bottles, formula, toothbrushes and toothpaste, saving stuffed animals for kids who don't have them. Also, it taught me that we will need to set aside time for our core family to be family. I will need to carve out alone time with each of my kids and give them permission to take some time off from being a foster brother/sister. My kids are still my first responsibility and concern, but in the face of such a greater need (a foster child who has lost EVERYthing), I realize that I tended to put them second. Still thinking about this one...

ETA: Yes, Firefyter--that's exactly it. A person may not feel completely ready, but it HAS to be better than what a child is coming from.

 

[Firefyter-Emt]

Another great trick is to stock pile clothes... We have those rubber-maid bins that we try to keep an assortment of boy's and girl's clothes in throughout the age range and sorted by gender and size. Like you said, they sometimes show up with just the clothes they are wearing! A few sizes of diapers and wipes and essentials are a must.

We did have a bit of that burn out with my youngest (the only girl) when we had the 2 year old (also a girl) it was hard in a few ways... That placement was, um... harder than all the others. For example, for two weeks when she saw me she would take off running and hide behind my wife and cry. Add that to the "terrible two's" and two strong willed girls! My word what a trip!

PS... I want a farm in the worst way too. I keep adding on here slowly and before you know it we will HAVE to move to one! I bumped my garden out to 25'x50' this year, we have the chickens... and I am up to three heavy duty garden tractors. One 72 John Deere that will soon have a cab & snow blower, a 71 Massey Ferguson for snow plow duty & mowing... and I am building a custom narrow front 74 Massey Ferguson to pull a moldboard & mid mount grader blade. One of these days I am going to haul home an old Farmall M or the like and she's gonna kill me!

 

[me&thegals]

Another great trick is to stock pile clothes... We have those rubber-maid bins that we try to keep an assortment of boy's and girl's clothes in throughout the age range and sorted by gender and size. Like you said, they sometimes show up with just the clothes they are wearing! A few sizes of diapers and wipes and essentials are a must.

Yes, that too! We had specified school aged, so we didn't have ANYthing for babies. I raided my daughter's old clothing bins for our foster daughter and my husband's sister really came through with carseat, bouncy seat, bottles and toys for the baby. A trip to WM took a lot of those things off my to-do list and into our storage shelves for next time...

Sorry, I can't really fully appreciate your tractors, but I bet DH could I just want a ginormous rototiller for the CSA gardens!

 

[Firefyter-Emt]

Oh... you mean something like my Dad's old 1981 Troy-Bilt Horse that I lovingly restored a few years ago?

Pretty, isn't it? I have a 32" dozer blade for it too! It's amazing tilling with a real machine and not the junk they sell now.

Oh well... I will catch up on the banter tomorrow, because I have to go to bed! Keep your chin up and enjoy the good times!