foster parenting

[farmerlor]

We fostered for 12 years. When we started we did NOT want to adopt but that quickly changed when we found out how easy it was to love these children. So we've adopted five and had to quit before we adopted the whole world.
The spanking thing wasn't an issue for us because we weren't spankers anyway but we took a Love and Logic class that helped a LOT with finding alternative ways to discipline and make the children responsible for their own behaviors.
I would say too that fostering is a good way to get your heart broken but if you look at the big picture and think about how you're helping even if it's in the short term it's a lot easier.

 

[Beekissed]

I've often suggested foster parenting to people I've known who cannot conceive. They spend a good portion of their time and emotions mourning the fact they can't have children, not to mention the money spent on different methods of conceiving. When I suggest looking into foster care because there are so many kids who need love, they always say they couldn't face the heartbreak of giving them back to their parents.

Now, let me ask you: Which would be more heartbreaking~spending your excess love on kids who desparately need it, even for a short time, or never having loved a child at all?

The most frequent solution that I see for that unrequited love seems to be having an excess of pets and treating them like children.

 

[me&thegals]

ByHisGrace and tommywalnuts--Thanks so much for your stories! I think you touch on exactly why I want to be a foster parent, even though I don't feel that tremendously perfect for it. How do you turn away from a child in need? Anyone, really, but especially a child. I get to spend an hour in my kids' classes each week, and you just really fall in love with these kids. You want them to do well, to grow well, to be well. I especially feel drawn to those who are obviously more in need. I guess I just can't imagine having my perfect life, 2 kids, nice house and not be willing to make things a bit crazy, chaotic and hectic for all those kids out there who really need somebody.

Ok, stepping back off my soapbox now

Farmerlor--Wonderful for you! How many children do you have now? We attended a Parenting with Love and Logic class, too. Very great ideas! Although it is so hard to let your kids suffer the natural consequences of things sometimes, isn't it?

Our extended families worry about about the heartbreak part of it all. I don't want to be unrealistic, but I guess I think I would be more worried about not loving enough than having our hearts broken. On the other hand, I have never yet had to hand back a child into a situation I know to be bad.

 

[me&thegals]

Now, let me ask you: Which would be more heartbreaking~spending your excess love on kids who desparately need it, even for a short time, or never having loved a child at all?

That's exactly what I mean, Bee. I am more worried about having a life where love was not given out freely than one where the love I give is ended in a heartbreaking way.

 

[Blue Skys]

I've often suggested foster parenting to people I've known who cannot conceive. They spend a good portion of their time and emotions mourning the fact they can't have children, not to mention the money spent on different methods of conceiving. When I suggest looking into foster care because there are so many kids who need love, they always say they couldn't face the heartbreak of giving them back to their parents.

Now, let me ask you: Which would be more heartbreaking~spending your excess love on kids who desparately need it, even for a short time, or never having loved a child at all?

The most frequent solution that I see for that unrequited love seems to be having an excess of pets and treating them like children.

I'm not going to get on a soap box here, as I know your intentions are good, I just had to respond that unless you have infertility issues you cannot possibly begin to understand what goes on in the lives of those that do.

Most couples who are not able to have children of their own are "comfortable" with where they are and may explore different options when they are ready. But, trust me, they are aware of their options.

And I must say that my two dogs are not replacements for the children I do not (cannot) have, they are dogs and I love them the proper amount. There may be some cases where that is not so, but it is not the majority.

That being said, those who are able to provide a home and love to children who are in need are very special people and my hat goes of to you. There are many who take in foster kids for the check they get every month...

 

[Beekissed]

Yeah, Chevygirl, no offense to anyone there, just a reference to the folks in my circle and area. Seems a sad trade off, just like any compensatory effort in the area of love.

I have a sis who smother loves her children because her husband doesn't give her enough love and one who has become a slave to her children because her husband died and she wanted to "make up for it" to her kids. Its all the same really, when people take one area of lack and fill it with something that may help ease the pain but still doesn't fill the gap.

I guess everyone has the right to have their own little comforts......it just seems so simple on the outside looking in~parents with no kids + kids with no real parents= a good match! But, maybe thats just how it works out in MY mind, huh?

 

[farmerlor]

ByHisGrace and tommywalnuts--

Farmerlor--Wonderful for you! How many children do you have now? We attended a Parenting with Love and Logic class, too. Very great ideas! Although it is so hard to let your kids suffer the natural consequences of things sometimes, isn't it?

Our extended families worry about about the heartbreak part of it all. I don't want to be unrealistic, but I guess I think I would be more worried about not loving enough than having our hearts broken. On the other hand, I have never yet had to hand back a child into a situation I know to be bad.

We have eight kids. When we were foster parents I'm just mouthy and nosey enough that I never handed a kid back into a bad situation either. I made sure everyone knew if I had a bad feeling about someone and I went to court more than a few times to make sure "my" babies went to the right home.

 

[me&thegals]

Good for you for being such a strong advocate for your kids!

 

[me&thegals]

I've often suggested foster parenting to people I've known who cannot conceive. They spend a good portion of their time and emotions mourning the fact they can't have children, not to mention the money spent on different methods of conceiving. When I suggest looking into foster care because there are so many kids who need love, they always say they couldn't face the heartbreak of giving them back to their parents.

Now, let me ask you: Which would be more heartbreaking~spending your excess love on kids who desparately need it, even for a short time, or never having loved a child at all?

The most frequent solution that I see for that unrequited love seems to be having an excess of pets and treating them like children.

I'm not going to get on a soap box here, as I know your intentions are good, I just had to respond that unless you have infertility issues you cannot possibly begin to understand what goes on in the lives of those that do.

Most couples who are not able to have children of their own are "comfortable" with where they are and may explore different options when they are ready. But, trust me, they are aware of their options.

And I must say that my two dogs are not replacements for the children I do not (cannot) have, they are dogs and I love them the proper amount. There may be some cases where that is not so, but it is not the majority.

That being said, those who are able to provide a home and love to children who are in need are very special people and my hat goes of to you. There are many who take in foster kids for the check they get every month...

I'm so sorry. It took my husband and I quite a while to conceive, and I remember quite clearly the heartache of it. I am quite sure we were not ready to be foster parents as we were so desperately wanting birth children at that point. And you're so right about people being aware of all their options, painfully aware. I wish you the best!

 

[Blue Skys]

Thanks for that me&thegals!! And good luck with your adventure in foster parenting. It may be in my future, who knows what's in store for me and my family.