foster parenting

[miss_thenorth]

Keep us updated!! I have been trying to talk DH into this for years so I will live vicariously through you two!

I mentioned it to dh when our kids were much younger. He was definitely not into it at that time. Now our kids are older, responsible, and would be considered good peers (in our eyes at least). the timing just has to be right. He wouldn't even consider it before. Now, he's okay iwth it, but we both know it will be primarliy my "thing". the fact that he gave the the go ahead speaks volumes.

I will definitely keep you updated.

 

[me&thegals]

MisstheNorth--That's EXACTLY where my husband and I are at He is willing, and that's great, but I'm the stay-at-home parent who will have the most responsibility. Just getting excited to start going through the training. I'm trying hard not to have any preconceived ideas. I mean, based on all the kids' friends who've come and gone through our home over the years, kids are really different. But, kids who seem to have been raised by wolves?!? Yikes! Can you give us some examples of how they acted?

Kudos to you all!

me&thegals

 

[farmerlor]

MisstheNorth--That's EXACTLY where my husband and I are at He is willing, and that's great, but I'm the stay-at-home parent who will have the most responsibility. Just getting excited to start going through the training. I'm trying hard not to have any preconceived ideas. I mean, based on all the kids' friends who've come and gone through our home over the years, kids are really different. But, kids who seem to have been raised by wolves?!? Yikes! Can you give us some examples of how they acted?

Kudos to you all!

me&thegals

Well, there was a four year old who had a 14 word vocabulary and 7 of those words were swear words. I've taught a seven year old how to use a toilet and a six year old how to feed himself. I can't even tell you how many kids didn't know how to eat a meal unless there were fries with it before I switched to babies. Most didn't even recognize vegetables or fruit. One little girl broke my dog's back with a wooden stool and we had to put the dog to sleep. The same little girl tried to strangle her brother by hanging him from a basketball hoop. I'm talking a six year old here.

 

[miss_thenorth]

I do realize that it won't always be easy. I have worked for Children's Aid--so I do know whats out there. I am willing to accept whatever challenges God gives to me. After all--He played a big role in the decision process. One thing I do know is that we have a opportunity to make things better in thier life --if only for a brief time.

 

[Lily]

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum, but when I saw this thread I had to join.

I remarried after ten years as a single mom of two DD, two years ago. My DH and I are really interested in going the foster to adopt route with an older child. We have a large home, with two extra bedrooms, large enclosed yard, and we both love children so much.

The question I have is in regards to older children. My eldest is 21, has her own place and thinks we would be wonderful foster/adoptive parents. The problem is our 16 year old daughter. She has stated that she does not want us to have any other children at all! She won't even discuss it with us, and I am truly baffled by it. Especially since she loves younger kids, and our neighbors kids all treat her like an older sister. She would not lose out in any way, as she has her own room, bathroom, etc. Plus she never wants to spend any time with us, we actually have to insist she stay home two or three evenings a week and join us for dinner. Granted she is busy with sports, school and active social life.

I realise it is our home and our decision, but it is important to me that all of the family be happy with this decision before we proceed. Does anyone have any insight into this at all?

 

[miss_thenorth]

Hi and welcome!! I think it is important that everyone be on the same page, but then again it is true--it's your house and your decision. My son is ok with it, but could take it or leave it. Tough call. I think I would want to know her reasoning for not wanting to. their might be some insecurities in her that make her feel that way.

My girlfriend recently adopted a 7 yo. she already has an severely autistic and blind 13 yo son, and an 11 yo daughter--who just happens to be friends with my daughter. the girl spent the weekend here once (sleepover), and I asked her how she felt about her getting a new sister. She told me she was scared her parents wouldn't have enough love to go around, esp since her older brother is special needs, (and the girl they were adopting is going blind) I empathized with her, and told her about my grandparents. they raised 13 kids, and there was still plenty of love to go around. Everything is great now, and they are playing and fighting like they were biological siblings.

The fact that she doesn't want to stay for supper is a teen thing--be strong.!! but I would have a heart to heart with her to find out how she's really feeling.

 

[Lily]

Thank you Miss

I apreciate your insight. I just wish she would discuss her reasons with me. She just clams up and says she does not want us to do this.

Perhaps we should just wait another year or two, but than I don't want her to think we are replacing her when she goes off to college.

 

[me&thegals]

Welcome, Lily! It is so wonderful to have this many people interested in fostercare!

We are at this point with our kids, too. Our kids usually get along great with other kids and were initially enthused about being a foster family (at that time only 5 and 8 years old when we first told them of our thoughts). This year, I have had a 5-year-old girl after school for 1 hour each day until her parents get home from work. She adores my son, who finds her very annoying. It's making me rethink the possible dynamics between biological and foster children. It would be asking a bit much for my kids to get along perfectly with anybody who walked in the door. But, this also needs to be an emotionally safe place for any child to be.

Have any of you have getting-along problems between foster children and biological children?

 

[me&thegals]

Well, we just finished 2 of the 3 Saturdays of foster parent training. Then, more paperwork and home studies.

It has been amazing and exhausting. I leave each time with a pounding headache and yet more determination than ever to find a way to make this work.

I also leave with the incredible sense of needing to be an absolutely perfect mom before I can even consider being a foster mom. These kids have had trauma after trauma, so what if I ever got impatient, yelled or something else that hurt them even more? I need someone to talk me out of this, as I'm fairly certain there are great foster parents out there who are not 100% perfect :/

It has been really incredible to go through activities and see videos that force you into the perspective of the child. Now, if I can just hold onto that when I'm dealing with the actual behavior that child engages in when acting out that anger/loss/frustration/rage/sadness...

Any thoughts out there?

 

[Beekissed]

The only advice I can offer is not to try to be 100% perfect....just try to give these kids some consistency in their lives. I don't know anyone who is a perfect mom. I would venture to say that these kids have had so very far from perfect that just normal would be heaven!