Frustratedearthmother's Journaling Journey

[creativetwinszoo]

Sounds like rain is badly badly needed! Hoping some heads your way soon!
Sorry to hear on your quail :'( hope the intruder gets caught soon!

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Hardest. Day. EVER!

I had to do something today that I never, ever wanted to do. My mother has been depressed for several years and even worse, she has some serious paranoid delusions. Everybody is out to get her - even my brother and his wife who live next door and take care of mom and dad are bad guys in her eyes.

My dad hasn't driven for a couple of years. Mom rarely drives, but for whatever reason has started back recently. Unfortunately, she gets turned around, gets lost, can't find her truck wherever she leaves it in a parking lot and just shouldn't be behind the wheel. My brother told her she can't drive anymore. She's angry and it just adds fuel to the fire of her depression and even more so her paranoia.

She's SUPPOSED to be on anti depressants, but I found out that she's not taking them. It's pretty obvious by her behavior anyway. Right after my sister passed away, 3 years ago, my mom threatened suicide a couple of times which is when she was prescribed anti-depressants.

A couple of days ago she told me that my brother took her keys away. She said that before she would be a prisoner in her own home she would shoot my dad and then shoot herself. When I say that the hairs on my neck stood up when she said that - it was more like every hair on my body stood up. I told her then that I certainly didn't want that to happen and that I'd always be there to take her somewhere if she needed it. I live over an hour away - my brother lives next door to them.

My brother and I talked and decided that we had to get the guns out of the house. My dad used to be a hunter and had 3 or 4 long-guns and 4 or 5 pistols. Both of my parents have concealed handgun licenses and keep guns with them at all times.

I called mom last night and told her I was coming down today to help her with the house They had a pipe break and had a lot of water damage a few days ago. When I got there she was in tears. I told her how worried I was about her and asked her what we could do to help her and make her happier. She told me that I shouldn't ask her that because her answer wouldn't make me happy. So, I asked her again. She stuck her finger up to her temple, said 'bang' and said this is what I want. OMG! At that very moment I knew that there was no other options than to get the guns out. I was crying, she was crying, my dad was crying, my brother was crying. We got the guns out while everybody was on board. My dad is practically deaf and has a terrible memory - like barely 5 minutes before he's wanting to know what's going on... So we had to keep explaining to him what we were doing and why.

Mom was pissed! She sulked like a child, then got ugly, then got quiet, then seemed to accept it. Later I took her shopping and she's already turning the story around. Now my brother is a manipulator - he's wanted to get his hand on those guns for years - she's a perfect driver, and alllll of this is his fault. OMG! My head hurts... but even more...my heart hurts.

 

[goatgurl]

oh fem, I'm so sorry. it is so hard to parent a parent. could you make her a doctors appointment and go with her and talk about what is going on? would she let you set up her meds so she will take them correctly? i tried for years to set mom's meds but she refused, and she had antidepressants she needed to take too. I'm so glad you got the guns out of the house for everyone's safety. the rest of her journey is going to be hard for everyone. my best advice is to make a big effort to be there for her and for your brother. this has got to be so hard for him too. i have 4 sisters and 3 of them never came around when mom was alive because she could be a pia but now that she is gone they are all boohoo i miss mom. where were they when she and i needed them. just try to go once a week to take her shopping or whatever, she'll enjoy it and it will give him a break. remember you have friends here that got your back.

 

[Denim Deb]

FEM, sorry you're dealing w/all of that, but you did the right thing.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Thanks ya'll.... but, it got worse. Took Mom to a hospital yesterday. She went to my brother and asked for a gun back and of course he said no. She said, "Ok, I'll just go home and find another way to do it."

We spent 24 hours in the ER waiting for a bed. I stayed with her all night and came home around noon today when my brother relieved me. I talked to the doc after she interviewed mom and she is definitely NOT letting her go home.

She's being admitted to the geriatric psych ward now. So far, it's voluntary, but if she challenges it she will be warranted and forced to stay for at least 72 hours. It's hard on her, but it's harder on my 87 year old dad.

Is it wrong of me to be glad there are no visiting hours tomorrow? I think we all need a respite and this may be one of the few times we will get one. I don't know how all this will play out - but it's obvious that all our lives are changing.

Farm news: all the bucks are totally hormone drunk right now. And STINK, STINK, STINK! They're dropping weight like crazy. I see a change in fencing/housing arrangements in the near future.

 

[goatgurl]

hopefully your mom will be hospitalized long enough to get some meds regulated to help her. I'm so sorry youall are having to go thru this. and no please don't feel guilty. she really needs time with the medical team to get things back together. and i would guess you'll have lots of time later to be with her. you're right, life as you know it will change now.
and yes, yes, yes tis' starting to be the season without reason. both boys are putting on extra perfume and the girls are starting to get all prissy. even saw the girl sheep flirting with the new buck today. i guess I'd better talk to greg about that new ram soon, lol.

 

[creativetwinszoo]

-hug- I hope everything gets better soon! That's some tough stuff to deal/handle at any time :'(

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Ah, thanks ya'll. It really is tragic watching their decline. But, I guess if you live long enough something's bound to happen. Dad "accidentally" called 911 yesterday. He is lost without mom there. The officer was very nice but I've gotta tell ya that my heart dropped a bit when I got a call from their home phone and the first words were - this is Officer (so and so) and I'm at your parents house. Scared the life outta me! I had to leave work and go stay with him until it was time to go visit mom. He's angry at the world and tells me they're moving after the first of the year...that we're too controlling and they want to get away from us. OMG! And, this is why we've taken the keys and the guns from them. We're checking out home health options and also assisted living.

Farm news: I got home yesterday and my neighbor told me one of my goats was out but that he'd put it back up for me. I thanked him and went to check things out. One of my young Nubian doelings - about 4 months old. Yep - he put her up for me....right into a pen with two bucks!

Nothing else to do but thank him for his help. Found out pretty easily where she'd escaped. The posts on one of the gates on his side of the pasture have shifted because of all the crazy dry weather - and of course they shifted in a manner that makes the gap between the post and the gate juuuuust wide enough for her to slip through. I blocked access to that side of the pasture and hopefully I'll have time to do a proper repair soon. I checked her "girly" parts and she was a little puffy....ugh. Didn't see any 'crusty type evidence' though so I'm hoping for the best. Had just told DH that I might skip the fall breedings - just too much going on right now. I'll probably go ahead and lutalyse her in a couple weeks.

Happy Thursday ya'll!

 

[Denim Deb]

Sounds like you have your hands full all around. Hope you're able to get it all figured out soon.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Thanks, Deb.

Last night I got a call from my S-I-L that they found dad out wandering the streets after dark last night. His story - he was going to get a hotel room near mom's hospital. Sounds great - except he's 87 years old, was walking in the dark, and the hospital is over 30 miles away. Thank goodness he was found before he got any further away from the house!

I think he's finally coming around and accepting that we are here to help him. My mother is so delusional that she tries her best to convince him that we are the enemy. Thankfully, after 5 or 6 days away from her influence he's able to see for himself that we are here to help.

He's spending the night with me tonight. My brother and his wife need a break and he's been great. Totally compliant, conversant (despite his deafness) and a pure joy to have around. We watched the Texans game, ate some dinner and he's asleep on the couch. I have two extra bedrooms upstairs, but he's scared to death to try and navigate the stairs. He would have to crawl up them and then crawl back down in the morning...not a good activity for him. And, I'd worry about him wandering during the night and perhaps falling down the stairs while searching for the bathroom.

Farm news: I was able to get some mowing done before we left to go pick up dad this morning. I got absolutely drenched because I was determined to finish the back yard despite the thunderstorm that caught me. It's all good though...rainwater makes your hair so soft!

I re-planted some squash and it's up. I think I have time to get a crop if things go right. But, who the heck said things go right these days? lol Never know though.

I picked a cantaloupe and ate the whole stinkin' thing yesterday. (it was small) It was soooooooo good! Like biting into a warm day and having a summer shower drip right down your chin. Dang it was delish!

Gotta get to bed. My stupid eyes keep shutting on me. G'nite ya'll.