Frustratedearthmother's Journaling Journey

[frustratedearthmother]

@Icertuche - I would have had an issue if one of my kids asked me something like that too. I woulda probably told her we were buying crack cocaine and porn, and that we weren't going to share, lol!

But, I definitely understand where you're coming from. When my son smoked cigarettes, many years ago, I never gave him cash, lol. I might go put gas in his car if he needed it, or buy him groceries but never cash. Now, he's doing great and has finally become a very responsible adult. Whew.... (emphasis on FINALLY!)

I do wonder sometimes how any youngster can make it in today's economy. My first house cost $17,500... now you can't even buy a cheap new car for that! I try not to make our "help" about being a handout. I expect help in return. My son is very mechanical/electrically gifted so if I need help with a piece of machinery or an electrical problem, guess who I call?

My daughter... I think I consider it almost an even trade because she gave me grandchildren, lol. But, that's not exactly accurate either because every month she makes a payment on a credit card that I loaned her for a move. It's been several years and she's moved twice since then, but she still makes that payment.

I try to make it about responsibility. They know if they come to me for money, they're gonna get a stern talking to about how they got into this mess, they will PROMISE to pay it back, and they are going to learn. With my children it works pretty well....but that stepson of mine....grrrrrrrrr! It's his father's fault for never EXPECTING his son to make good on his debts. Sometimes you CAN do too much for them.

Oh well I guess enough whining, lol. I love those brats, I guess they have me trained pretty good.

As parents we've earned the right to whine! And, yep, they do train us pretty well - it's in our DNA to want to help!

 

[lcertuche]

Our children sure take a long time growing up, but then again my youngest son just turned 12 and I'm raising one of my grandson's, he is 7 now. I can't say no to the babies if they need something but I'm finding it easier and easier to say no to their parents.

That comment "I woulda probably told her we were buying crack cocaine and porn" almost made coffee shoot out my nose.

 

[NH Homesteader]

Hahaha that comment made my day! My mom has no problem loaning my brother or me money. The difference is I pay her back. He doesn't.

He needed diapers once for his youngest. My mom went into Walmart, he sat in the parking lot. When she got outside he stayed in his car, popped the trunk and waited for her to put them in. Then he rolled down his window and said "see ya later". She was furious! No thank you, he didn't even move his crap in the trunk so she had a place to put it. She'll do it for the kids but has gotten less eager to offer help for him.

Actually he left their house once after a huge fight where his wife called my mom a stupid b**** and he got a flat tire on his way down the road. My parents bought him a new tire.

Anyway... She would commiserate with all of you!

 

[Mini Horses]

My daughter asks for VERY little, would/will do whatever to get through it. She has had help from me, with no expectations of pay back ( 6mos of paid child care while she worked, until her lease was up & she could move, after a company downsize caused new job & less pay). She always pays back anything she asks to borrow. Works hard, frugal & very, very committed to taking care of her daughter -- only grandchild for me.

My son - 360!! Always asking, taking, not interested in repay. On occasion, I have been "blessed" with his help for specific jobs, not happy but, did the job. He's been in trouble with law, drugs, etc. in many years past. Now no drugs but, also not really being more than barely self supporting. Shame. Talented, excellent carpenter & house framer, roofer......just angry with world. For me, it's luck he has no children. Maybe he needs some!! But, I can't afford them.

It's tough being a parent. Some we create ourselves (often unknowingly) but we always feel we "need" to help them. A parent thing.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Amazing how different our kids can turn out!

 

[baymule]

August 12, 1972---my Momma told me, When you have kids, don't bring them to me. I am not your built in babysitter. Come see me, when you leave, take them with you. I'm not keeping them for you. I raised you, your brother and sister and I'm not raising your kids.

She went on and expounded on her refusal to do anything to help me, making it clear I was on my own. I had just turned 17. I left home shortly thereafter and made my own way. I didn't have children until 10 years later--and I durn sure didn't ask her for any help. She cheated herself out of all her grand children's lives, because she did the same thing to my older sister and brother. She didn't like kids and she didn't like us either.

Because I never had that feeling of backup, I make sure that my kids know that I got their back. Both my kids turned out to be responsible adults. We're kinda proud of them.

 

[Britesea]

My oldest boy gives me the least worries- The only thing I'm unhappy about is he borrowed $1500 when he graduated, to get a used car, and he has never tried to pay it back. I didn't tell him, but I was prepared to forgive the debt if he had just made the first payment. He didn't, so the debt stands. I think he realizes that he's not getting another loan unless the pays that one back, because he's never asked.
When he got laid off, he called asking if he could move back home if he didn't find a job before the money ran out and I said of course, even though we have a very small house, but he ended up not having to take me up on the promise. He saves money and is pretty frugal for kids these days. He bought a house in his 30's, and managed to hang on to it AND his retirement money until he got another job.

My daughter is a little bit needier- I've helped her out on a couple of things and although she is grateful for the help, she hasn't felt the need to pay us back either.

The youngest is the one I worry about. He has Asperger's, is 26 (although I would place him nearer 18 emotionally)and still lives at home. He's never had a job, other than casual work like housesitting and such. Still, he shows signs of maturity also. We just had to do some work on his car- a complete rebuild of the cooling system- and it cost just shy of $1000 and he only had $500 saved (he gets disability for his condition) so we paid for the rest. He is planning to pay us a bit each month, but I want him to be able to save some money as well. His books for his first semester at the community college cost about $400 (used!) but he is looking into a program where he can lease the books from Barnes and Noble.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Well, STINKER! I've had a problem with my right foot for a few weeks now. I thinnk it all started back in the summer when I ripped the toenail off of my left foot, then a couple weeks after that I stepped on a nail with my left foot also. I think all the limping and favoring the left foot has put an undue strain on the RIGHT foot. It's been hurting long enough that I finally got a referral to a podiatrist for Monday. Good thing too, because yesterday at work, while walking to the restroom, I rolled that foot when I stepped on a bad spot in a walkway. OMG! Good thing I was on the way to the restroom - because I had to literally 'rest' before I could make it back to my office....

Swelling was almost immediate and while adding insult and injury to my already damaged foot I managed to hurt my knee too. I stayed home from work today and tried to keep it elevated and iced - but I kept thinking of things I could do outside since the weather was nice. So, my day was a repetitive cycle of elevation and ice, go move some goats, elevation ad ice, catch a thin doe that needs some tlc, elevation and ice, put a shock collar on poor Cowboy and teach him that gates are NOT to be jumped, elevation and ice, milk the does, elevation and ice, feed, elevation and ice .... glass of wine! Probably overdid it just a bit today so not sure I'm going in tomorrow either... I see more elevation and ice in my future!

Mama pig is getting bigger and bigger every day. Oh, forgot to say that working on a birthing site was on the list today too. I want to rearrange a fence line and work it to where she can have access to half of the former feed room. It's perfect! And, if she doesn't like that spot she has some round bales in her pen that she can crawl between and do her thing if she wants to. No swelling in her nether region so I still think she's on track to farrow in the first couple days of November.

Hope this weather holds and that my achy breaky foot/knee heal quickly! I've got too much to do to be 'down'.

 

[NH Homesteader]

Gah! Your poor feet! And your poor knee! Hope you heal up fast. No time for icing. Although it does give you an excuse to put your feet up and drink some wine!

 

[baymule]

I have bum knees and what I believe to be the beginning of arthritis in my left knee. I buy turmeric powder and mix it with coconut oil to make a paste. I take a heaping teaspoon of it for the inflammation and pain. It helps.