Hen23's Journal~Goodbye

[Aidenbaby]

Henrietta, I can relate to your frustration. My son is 4 and, for the moment anyway, been diagnosed with ADHD. From what you are saying, it does indeed sound like he is bored. Could the teacher not have isolated him up closer to the front of the class, so he could participate more? Is the pedi having you guys fill out a questionaire too? Also, don't be shocked if the questionaire has tons of questionaire isn't just limited to adhd. Ours covered a TON of different illnesses right down to hearing voices. I hope that you get the support you may (or may not) need.

As for my son, we've strongly felt something "wasn't quite right" since the moment he was born. He was hyperactive even as an infant (and extremely active when I was preggers) and any kind of stimulation (eye contact even) would keep him up all night. The dr always told me that it's just a phase and he'll grow out of it. The only reason he even got considered by the dr for it was that we insisted that he be tested. We had to explain that he would sit through ANY type of book if the book took longer than 2-5 minutes to complete, even with a very interactive reading style. He was becoming more and more violent towards anything and everything that caused him frustration and that was almost all the time. He was starting to lose his joy even with his favorite things to do. His behavior was starting to impact other childrens' willingness to play with him, thus isolating him. It was starting to affect his self esteem. I could go on for a long time more. My son also has some major delays in his speech which really doesn't help the situation. We decided to use medication from the start so that we can help him get his behavior under control before he enters school. In just the month that we've used it (adderol, 2.5 mg twice a day), there has been a miraculous turn around. I wish I was exagerating. The one example that brought tears to my eyes (and still does) is that he sat through an entire reading of The Cat in The Hat enthusiastically at a celebration of Dr Seuss' birthday. He is no longer abusing his sister or the animals. And most importantly, his speech is improving because he can now focus on our speech corrections. We don't see the medication as being a long term thing. For us, it is a tool to help get him started down the right path. Once he is in school and we have more support available, we'll consider lowering his dosage and trying to work him off it.

 

[Ldychef2k]

In California, and I hope in your hometown as well, the schools are required to meet the needs of the students, no matter what it takes. That can be an impediment in some cases, but with ADD or ADHD kids it can be a Godsend. They keep it quiet, this requirement, but once a parent says something like "I do not feel my child's educational needs are being met", they know they are sunk!

I know a family of three in which two of the children have significant issues, behavioral and congenital. Once the mom found out that the school was required to help them achieve their potential through any means available, she requested an Individual Education Plan, or IEP. Those of you who are educators no doubt know what that means. One of the children (congenital issues) did beautifully and is performing at grade level for the first time (8th grade). The other, not so much. His "issue" turned out to be dissociative personality disorder as a result of the profound abuse of his father (now gone). Nothing has helped him thus far.

That said, the IEP is developed, in our area, with the input of the parents, teachers, and school psychologist if necessary. It can provide many accommodations for the student, including the flexibility necessary to help an ADDer cope with the vagaries of the disorder.

 

[Ldychef2k]

I have mentioned before that I have ADD, as does my daughter. She had the "H" as well, as a youngster. Frequently with women, as they enter adulthood, the "H" fades into the background. My opionion is that this is because that portion of the disorder is behavioral, while the attention portion is congenital.

I believe that the attention portion causes the behavioral portion because of the intense need for continuous stimulation. When the child reaches an age where they can completely comprehend what is happening in the synapses of their brains, they can find more appropriate means of self-stimulation than bouncing a tennis ball off their sister. But the baseline ADD is a congenital, neurologic disorder that may or may not fade to the background as the child approaches puberty.

Sometimes the ADDer can modify their behavior without meds, sometimes not. It's hard, because a parent doesn't like the stigma of meds, but if the child needs them, they need them.

A parent without ADD cannot possibly know how difficult everyday life is for the child. I wish my parents had realized just how difficult it was for me. I needed music playing in order to focus. They yelled down the hall to turn it off and get busy. I turned it off and sat there frozen because I couldn't concentrate without it. Such a simple thing, but they didn't understand that without that music I didn't know how to organize my thoughts. The positive outcome, though, was that even though we didn't know my daughter had ADD, I was tuned in to meeting her needs and not having hard and fast rules that served me as a parnt, and not her as a child.

When my daughter was a baby, literally, she required intense stimulation every waking moment. Fortunately, I worked from 3 PM to 11 PM and was able to stimulate her most of the day. We read, played, counted, discussed...starting at mere weeks of age.

Because of her native intellect and this need for stimulation, she knew her alphabet at 18 months, and was reading at 2 years. When she entered kindergarten at 4, she was reading sixth grade level. Every day, the kindergarten teacher sent her to the second grade class for reading. I think it was as much to preserve the class structure as anything!!!

Katie channels her need for stimulation into intellectual challenges. She never does anything in a small way, educationally. She had a 4.0 in math throughout college, but when she changed her major to business at a counselor's suggestion, she had a 3.5 because she didn't like the mateiral! Math was comforting to her. Business concepts were incredibly boring.

She switched to psychology and is now in graduate school to become a family therapist. She is heading towards graduating suma cum laude in June. But that is not her final goal. After she practices as a therapist, she is planning to go to law school for family law. She feels that being a therpist will make her a better attorney. I don't know what she will do then...because she needs intellectual stimulation in order to function in the other areas of her life.

My daughter has used ADD medications on occasion when she has to focus on something that doesn't interest her. She does not use them regularly. We did not learn that she had ADD until she was 15. We tried several medications, but they were not helpful. She had already learned coping mechanisms and the medications changed those mechanisms in such a way that Katie was uncomfortable not having her "edge".

I hope this commentary has been of some benefit. I see my daughter as an ADD success story, and it is always my hope that others will be encouraged by it.

 

[Dace]

I agree with Ldy....having the label may seem like a negative, but it is also power.

As I have said before 2 of my 4 kids struggle with school...we have seen Drs, school counselors, attempted to get IEPs.....all to no avail. They are just not traditional learners and don't fit the tidy little conforming mold that the school district tries to cram them into.

At least with a label you can demand that the child's needs are met rather than expecting them to meet the needs of the teacher.

I do agree that meds should be avoided if possible, your son doesn't sound like he has that much difficulty. Meds certainly can be a lifesaver for some, but I think Drs in general are just taught to prescribe a little pill as the solution to everything!

 

[Henrietta23]

A lot to respond to since I last checked the thread! Thanks for all your input!
No, our school does not have a gifted program. All four of our elementary schools are "failing" by the NCLB standards. All $$ goes toward improving test scores. The teachers spend a great deal of time teaching the kids who are below grade level. DS is right at grade level. If there were a gifted program I have no idea how he would fare if he were tested. Our district has very little $. More and more programs are being cut. Teachers were laid off last year, condensing three 1st grade classes of about 20 kids each into two second grade classes of 26 each (some kids were moved to other schools to even things out). There is a looming threat that one of the four schools may be closed at any moment if a grant does not come through. That should be interesting.....
Classrooms are crowded. I don't know where else his teacher would move him but it is one thing I will be pursuing. She has tried putting him back at a table with other kids and it never seems to last. It may be that she just isn't putting him with the right group of kids. I know the way she spoke at his conference she made it soulnd like she has 23 or so perfect like kiddos and then there's DS but that isn't the case. She has quite a few with behavior issues. Not excusing her, just saying it would be nearly impossible to put everyone in an ideal spot. But there must be a way to get DS into a better spot to aid his attention. She seems to have exactly where she shouldn't!
Last year his first grade teacher has some success rewarding him with a Friday visit to a second grade class for "content". He would participate in their Social Studies or Science class if he had done a good jpb getting his work done for the week. This year 1st and 2nd grade are not formally teaching those subjects. The day is broken into blocks of Reading, Writing and Math, with a Special each day, either PE, Music or Library. Art has been cut to once a month (don't get me started on that one. I'm sure Music will follow soon enough.....) DS's favorite subjects? History, culture, science.
I really think a large part of the problem is the lack of movement throughout the day. Lots of sitting at the tables either listening or doing worksheets.
I'd say his interest levels are above grade level to some extent. But his actual skills aren't necessarily. If we can find a way for him to learn that is more effective for him that might change. Who knows!

We had baseball clinics Saturday morning. I watched him wait his turn to catch fly balls and grounders, hit and run, with about 40 other kids. While some got antsy and started fooling around, throwing their gloves in the air, getting them stuck up on the bleachers, running to parents for drinks, bathroom breaks, whatever, DS stood in line watching what the other kids were doing. When it was his turn he knew exactly what was expected. He did his best and left saying he had fun. That night we went to a semi-pro hockey game with the Cub Scouts. While a row of 5 kids sitting in front of him started acting up and fooling around toward the middle of the third period, DS totally got into the tie game and watched that puck flying up and down the ice with total concentration. Does it prove he doesn't have ADHD? No. Does it show he's capable of focusing when he's interested in what's going on around him, despite distractions, yes? I'm starting a journal of observations like this to have for future discussions with doctor and teacher, etc.
Talked with someone else who's son was tested and saw a psych. He did a test with electrodes taped to his head to measure who knows what. So I don't know that we'll just stick with what the ped has to say or look into it further. Too soon to say on that score I suppose.
Honestly, I'm not as concerned over the label as I was last week. I just want it to be accurate.

 

[Aidenbaby]

The behavior you described where he can focus on something he enjoys to the exclusion of external distractions is sometimes refered to as hyper-focus. Like Ldy, I think (but have not been diagnosed) I have ADD. My father is a principal of an elementary school and said that he has believed for years that I had it but never said anything to me about it (didn't want to upset me). Anyway, because of behaviors like hyper-focus, I can and sometimes do read a 300-500 page book in one night or research rabbit raising until 4 AM regardless of how exhausted I am, etc. In my son, it can be presented by playing ALL day with his legos having to be forcefully brought to the table to eat. Even with the meds, this hasn't stopped but the tantrums that could be induced have been reduced. I see hyper-focus as a gift as you can learn and absorb insane volumes of information if it can be channeled.

PS. atm, I'm playing a face book game, researching rabbit hutches, dreaming about acreage and chatting with yall.

 

[Dace]

LOL...like Aidenbaby and Ldy...I too am ADD. I too deal with the hyper focus (although in my house we lovingly call it obsessive behavior ) But yes, what they both wrote is very true.....ADD kids can have an incredible focus when it is something that they have an interest in.

Ldy....I love the story of your DD. So many times when you hear about ADD people you are hearing about frustration....I love that your DD is able to maintain her focus for such a long time to accomplish her goals! Grad school? Wow, you must be incredibly proud!

That is the up side of ADD.....given the right supportive type atmosphere kids absolutely flourish and are capable of incredible things. If forced to medicate (said in a huge sweeping generality!) and to conform into what works for teachers, you end up with really poor results.

If you can let an ADD/ADHD kid shine, they will!

And as far as sitting still......little boys are not MADE to sit still! Sheesh....schools make me crazy!

Edited to add...one of my issues has always been what I call brain fog. I have this fog in my head that makes it hard to think sometimes and I get really forgetful. Since changing my eating habits (no refined foods, sugar limited to my morning coffee, no refined carbs) my brain fog has gone away. I have read somewhere that it may be related to gluten and it just happens that since cutting out refined carbs I have unintentiaonally cut out gluten.....could just be that a nutrient dense diet is what my body needed...no idea.

 

[freemotion]

Edited to add...one of my issues has always been what I call brain fog. I have this fog in my head that makes it hard to think sometimes and I get really forgetful. Since changing my eating habits (no refined foods, sugar limited to my morning coffee, no refined carbs) my brain fog has gone away. I have read somewhere that it may be related to gluten and it just happens that since cutting out refined carbs I have unintentiaonally cut out gluten.....could just be that a nutrient dense diet is what my body needed...no idea.

That is one of the most common comments that I get from students in my classes (compliant ones, that is!) We tend to forget that what we eat feeds our brains, too. People tend to think that if someone is thin, they are healthy. That the only sign of eating the wrong foods is belly fat. Not so. Not so at all. We would never put used, dirty motor oil in our cars, but we happily put non-food into our bodies and expect good results. (By "we" I don't mean "us!" Present company excepted! )

 

[miss_thenorth]

Totally hijacking here . the kids and I were at costco yesterday and we passed the chips section. My son looks at a bag of Cheetos, and says "Put down the Cheetos"

He reads over my shoulder sometimes and knows Free's avatar

 

[FarmerDenise]