Kids or No Kids? How did you know?

[Javamama]

Aw, thanks Moolie. It's not all horrible Just early childhood for this particular momma. Now that they are getting older things are getting much better. I like older kids better than the energy sucking little ones I sure wasn't prepared for any of it, even though it was all planned out. ...the best laid plans...

 

[Shiloh Acres]

I always knew I wanted to be a mother. I'm not sure about other kids, but my playtime fantasies as a child always included being a mother.

I did wait a long time to have children though. I wanted to be prepared, and financially ready. Then I finally realized -- you never are.

Yes, they change your life. Take over your life. Affect all your plans, your purchases, your decisions, and pretty much every aspect of your life. But for me, I wouldn't trade a moment of it for anything. It involves sacrifice of time, money, and self -- but it never felt like sacrifice to me. Doing for my child always was what I WANTED to do -- there was never any wish I could do something different instead.

And it's serious on-the-job practice. I never felt like I perfected the job. But I do think I was pretty good at it.

And yes, you really, really open your heart to having it broken. Nothing else can hurt you like a situation involving your child.

But as for me, I always just knew. And I love children. I've met some I don't like to be around, but most of them are just brimming with potential. For that matter, the ones I don't like to be around are too. And I've worked with a lot of kids everyone else had written off -- most of them I still greatly appreciate. Then again, kids like that respond to appreciation.

I still think about fostering, or adopting. There are three young children (I've worked with the 3 year old and 2 year old -- there is also a 1 year old) who have been taken from their family by CPS and are very likely to be put up for adoption. The idea of taking in those children, or others like them, pulls at my heart.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

I always wanted to be a mom.

My parents both came from big families, and we were raised to be big on families, so I do think that can affect a person's view on having or not having kids. Some may not think of that, but seriously I believe that has some bearing on it - whether or not having a small or large family (in my family having family means having kids) was important to the family that raised you, and did they pass that desire on to you.

I love that we have 5 kids with 6 on the way. I am excited to meet this new person, and see who she is going to turn out to be.

Not only that, but I don't think I had really seen the world until I had kids. Until you've viewed things through the eyes of a child, you've not really SEEN things.

My cousin's son passed away last fall - he was 3 - and he once said, while watching a sunset reflecting in the lake - look, God's painting two pictures at one time.

Wow. I'd have never thought that.

My kids crack me up - and drive me nuts by turn - and get disciplined when they need it.

As in the other day when DS 10 tied a blanket around his neck so tight I had to cut it off him. THAT will give a mom nightmares.

Tonight we had spaghetti for dinner, and Baby boy kept saying, "I'm eating worms! Do you got worms?!" and we were ALL cracking up.

Just a sec ago, he came up to me, patted his belly, and said Look mom, I'm fat (omg what made him think THAT? he's NOT fat!) It was said in a cute, little boy I think I'm being funny way, not a paranoid I've got too fat way.

Kids make you re-think things in life, bring joy to your life, and can really bond two people who truly love eachother together.

They can also scare 10 years off your life!!

No, not everyone wants kids, and that's Ok. It's a personal choice, one you have to decide for yourself.

There's up and downs to parenting, as there is with everything else in life.

For us, we have made a conscience decision to raise our kids with morals and values from my Grandparents time. They barely get television, they have set bedtimes chosen by us their parents, they barely get video game privelegs, no cell phones, and we encourage outside play time. And they have CHORES.

Chores are good for kids, it teaches them responsibility and a little work will not hurt them.

A friend of mine posted this on their FB page, so I'll share it here.

My promise to my kids ~ I am not your friend..I am your Parent. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare & hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU! When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will NEVER find someone who loves, prays, cares & worries about you more than I do! Re-post if you are a parent and agree

 

[OrganicKale]

I never wanted children. I got pregnant. I got on board with the idea. One was definitely enough, but she really is the light of my life. I would not change anything.

 

[aggieterpkatie]

Thanks for all of the replies, everyone. I really like being able to read everyone's opinions and experiences. I know right now I'm not ready for having a baby simply because I don't want to give up my life. We have 50% of the time for just us (DH and me) and I don't want to give that up. I still really look forward to the "kid free weekends". I don't have that bond with the stepkids that I would with my own kids. I mean, I love them and I'm a great stepmom (If I do say so myself ) but sometimes it's really a chore to be like that. Somedays I just want my own space, my own stuff, etc. Like the other day I put my favorite mug up on the high shelf in the cabinet so they wouldn't use it. But sometimes I think that since we have the expense and all the work of having kids, we may as well have one together! And sometimes I think having my own baby will make me not resent kid days as much. I know those aren't exactly reasons to go out and get knocked up. And I think it would be a BAZILLION times easier to raise a child when it's just DH and me making the decisions, not DH and the kids' mom. THAT is frustrating as all get out! I just need a close friend to have a baby so I can babysit some.

 

[calendula]

Honestly, it's a little disheartening to hear so many negative opinions about children. Kids can be challenging, of course! But I've never felt like most of my days were bad becuase of them. But, I don't know what it's like to raise step-kids.

Are yours teens yet? Mine was a little wild indian for years, tomboy, hillarious, fun to do things with, loving, sweet, a bit crazy at times, stubborn, but manageable.... and then the hormones hit and have turned her into a complete moody unmanageable terror most days Being step isn't a bad thing until they start to challenge everything because you're NOT their parent. I taught mine respect too, she has just forgotten everything she has been taught over the last few years. Negative, yeah...but fact no less. Some kids go through this stage, and it is a royal pitb to say the least.

So many kids now have priorities of cell phones, video games, and tv and are just so plain whiny and rude to their parents!

You have negative opinions of children too just not your own for now, maybe you never will. Each child/situation is different. It is not meant to be negative or disheartening, but it is reality for some, maybe even most. Raising this one is making me old...FAST!

Actually, my negative opinion is more directed at the parents that allow their children to behave that way. But I do understand that every family's situation is different. I'm sure it makes it difficult that they go to another parent's house, where they probably have different rules and expectations. That is where our family differs. My sons' biological father has had a limited part of their lives--he is in a bad situiation right now, continues to make bad choices, and his priorities are not with his children. That means that their step-dad, my hubby, is the only father figure in their lives.

aggieterpkatie, even if you have your own kids, you will still look forward to the days when the kids aren't home. We make sure to send them to grandma's house at least once a month. Couples do need their alone time. I do think that babysitting for someone is a good idea. Sometimes I get that feeling like I want a baby again, so I will watch my little nephews, and that usually satisfies my baby craving.

 

[meriruka]

I have never wanted children. The freedom to do what I want with my life was always more important.
Over the years, many people have told me how selfish that is - and well, that's probably true but I have never regretted my decision.

 

[nachoqtpie]

To be honest... I always said that I never wanted kids... ever. I was going to go to college for Equestrian Studies and from there go on to be a horse trainer, and from there I was going to fall in love with a nice guy and we would live out the rest of our lives as trainers/owners/breeders of great horses that were sought out the world over.

Stupid me went and fell in love with a guy I met on the internet and moved across the country to be with him as soon as I turned 18! Three months later I was pregnant and married. Who would have ever thought THAT wouldn't work out?? LOL

I'm glad that I DO have my 2 rugrats. They are the light of my life even tho I constantly want to pull my hair out and beat my head into a solid wall.

I think when it comes down to it.. sometimes the best things in life are things you didn't know you wanted.

 

[aggieterpkatie]

I have never wanted children. The freedom to do what I want with my life was always more important.
Over the years, many people have told me how selfish that is - and well, that's probably true but I have never regretted my decision.

I don't think that's selfish AT ALL. Why would they even say that? It's not like it's a requirement for every person on the planet to produce children. How rude!

 

[Icu4dzs]

This is an interesting post. I notice that the only responders have been women; no guys. Following is the opinion of one man and probably not consistent with the masses.

I always wanted a big family because I love children. I told then DW that I wanted at least 6 before we got married. She agreed to that even then.

The first pregnancy was a disaster. Twins born at 24 weeks, one of whom survived and is now going on 31, but blind, developmentally delayed and home bound. The second pregnancy was "an accident" in her words and one day she threatend suicide because she didn't want tha child. I don't think she will admit it now because that child has been a "light in the darkness" and has just announced her engagement.

Life changed at home after that episode with the second child. I was no longer "welcome" if you get my drift. Life got "pretty quiet" in the evening for me and stayed there till I moved to SDAK after 27 years of quietness.

I would still love to have children, even at my age of 61. I miss the joy. I don't mind the work and always thought I'd be able to provide a good life for them. But, it takes TWO to have children. My job in life was to be a Dad, not just a father. I didn't get much of a chance to do that because of my profession sucking up my every minute of wakefulness and robbed me of many of my hours of sleep.

I'd be interested to know what your DH's think of your decision. What did they want before you made the decision to not have children?

After all, isn't that what we are on this earth to do? Isn't that our "PRIME DIRECTIVE?"

//BT//
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