Murphysranch - Bank blues and garage sale thoughts

[murphysranch]

Gina: I hadn't even thought about the consignment shop. We have one in Angels Camp, but I've not been to it yet. Perhaps I'll browse before hitting them up with dozens of clothes that may be "too much" in these foothill sleepy towns.

 

[tamlynn]

Sounds like an exciting time for you.

May I suggest looking for a women's shelter to donate your clothes to. The ones around here always need nice clothes for job interviews for their residents.

 

[murphysranch]

I've been wanting to post to my journal again for a few weeks. But it does take time to think, compose and reflect my thoughts.

Teach Your Children Well. DH and I went to Ironstone Winery (www.ironstonevineyards.com) a few weeks ago, to see Crosby, Stills and Nash. The concert wasn't selling well, so we got 2for1 tickets for the lawn seating. I did enjoy the concert and the oldies. But one of the songs got me thinking alot....about my life and about my kids. See if it reflects on your children, the older ones. I hope I'm unique.

In 1971, I hiked 25 miles through Rochester NY for the Hope Ship. We raised money, based upon the number of miles we walked. Too bad the Hope ship is no longer functioning; it used to provide other nations with healthcare. The theme song was the Crosby Stills Nash and Young song - teach your children well.....

My reflection is that I must not have taught my children well. As evidenced by recent events and travel with DD (24 yo, 3 kids, husband), they do not "get" the need to save anything, to help anyone, to walk 25 miles for any good reason, to grow, to recycle, to save money, to cook, to can, to sew, to till the soil, to give good nutrition, to.....deep sigh...to do ANYTHING! We moved my DD up to Vancouver WA where she was accepted into Washington State Univ Vancouver, to continue her Jr and Sr year. Some of you may remember that in 04 she became homeless and a crack addict. So yes, my first baby has grown up alot, and has really turned her life around. Ok. Good. Nice Job. Very Proud of her.

but why oh why don't they recycle, turn off lights when they leave a room, cook anything, give balanced, rainbow colored meals to the kids (8, 4.5 and 13 months), plant something, mend a sock, separate the laundry, say thank you alot, help the neighbor, save their money, use coupons, respect their furnishings, etc etc etc???? It really came home this week during the move. Its so much easier to pop a Uncrustables (gag) into the kid's mouths, or give them a package of string cheese, or snack bag, than to prepare a sandwich, or cut up an apple or give them a scoop of cottage cheese, or or or....

My DD is not rich - just ran out of her unemployment, is on WIC, was on MediCal (for the kids), hubby is a "helper" who helps the autistic child navigate thru the local high school, makes 10 buck an hour, etc. But what do they own? A Wii, three computers, 4 guitars, a car which we bought her, and some broken down furniture (after she discarded the good stuff we accumulated and bought for her off of Craigslist these last few years). And lets not even get into DS, who didn't grad from high school last year, who only now lives on his own in San Jose, flopping from couch to couch, who got his first job at $9/hr at Fry's installing stereos, etc, who also doesn't recyle, cook, or care about anything.

What is the difference nowadays? DH and I are hard working, saving, clean, higher educated (me), ppl who plant a row for the needy, who have always extended an hand to a neighbor, who paid for a Costco membership for an elderly couple who couldn't afford it, who even now, in tight times, send checks to the Red Cross, to the Cattle Dog rescue group, $10 to memorialize a woman whom I never met but admired; offer to help the local CSA with weeding a local garden, who volunteer to head a community committee for 3 years (Bay Area); to serve on the local Lupus Foundation board for 4 years (Bay Area); or ran the local snack shack for 8 years for AYSO (bay area soccer).

Teach your children well - their father's hell - this means that I should have taught my children the values that were so important in our day - which might have given them some values as they move forward with their families. I thought I did teach them - by example. Can we really teach our children how to care, how to see and save the world? And feed them on our dreams - do our children nowadays see our dream from the 60's and 70's? Do they see and feel what is happening to their food, to their soil, to their earth, to their souls?

Again, I've been thinking of these lyrics and how they apply to my children, and the point was driven home these past few days. My dream continues; I guess that it doesn't wrap my children or grandchildren up in the same wings of hope and love.

 

[Ldychef2k]

Not sure you asked for input, but that usually doesn't stop me.

Couple of things.

You DID teach your children. You modeled for them the kind of life you chose to live. They have chosen otherwise, at least for now. Please allow me to assure you that your lessons were not in vain. If they are in their 20's, and I am not sure of all the ages other than 24, they are in that time of life where they have the world on a string, they are going gung ho in whatever direction seems good at the time, and sometimes they purposefully go in the opposite direction you might hope for them. Speaking the authority of experience here.

The Bible says "Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are old they will not depart from it." It also speaks of rebellious youth, youth without discipline and filled with mistakes. But the promise is that when we instill values into our kids, they may abandon them and look for ones they think are better...trying to "find themselves"...but in the end, the things you taught them while turning off the lights, hiking for a cause, or digging in the earth, those things will rise to the top and guide them.

Through my own misspent youth, the greatest life lesson I learned, and then passed on to my own daughter was this: Behavior has consequences. Good or bad, behavior has consequences. At every stage of life, we make decisions about which way to go, what to believe, how to behave. It is the very unique young person who understands at the time of those decisions that there will be consequences, and that they are responsible for them.

This is the time of life when our kids question and test and see what things work for them. It sounds to me that this is what they are doing, and because you are wise and experienced you see them heading right off the edge of a cliff. But you also seem to have the wisdom to let them get a few bruises and a couple of cuts, and to learn for themselves. You probably just wish they would hurry up !

I don't think you really want them to live carbon copy lives to yours. How much better if they go through these tough years and then CHOOSE your ways over the ones that have failed them?

Be patient with them as they stretch their wings and grow. Trust yourself, trust the parent you were and the parent you are becoming. Your kids will be just fine. They may not live exactly the life you had hoped they would, but they will make it. Give them the great gift of allowing them to fail. Let them learn that behavior has consequences, and those consequences came as a result of their own choices. In time, they will understand that maybe new choices are in order !

Sorry for the length. Relating to you BIG TIME!!!

 

[Farmfresh]

I know that was intended for murphy, but thanks Ladychef.

My D2 has been making one bad choice after another for the last 2 years and sometimes I get a little guilty wondering what I did wrong as a parent.

Sure the other 2 kids have turned out fine, but you still blame yourself when you have a wayward child.

See Murphy, you are not alone in this.

 

[lorihadams]

I agree....seems like the 20s are just a crappy decade for a lot of us. I was ridiculously stupid in my 20s. Now that I am in my 30s I like to think that I have seen the light.

My little brother was the same way....he has planted containers of stuff on his porch and rooftop in downtown Atlanta for the last 2 yrs. and I am very proud of him for that. He is also trying to cut out all the processed food from his diet. We learn....it may take us a while but we learn.

 

[Javamama]

As for me and mine - we are all learning together I still have alot to learn though. It saddens me to realize what a waste my "education" was. I do believe I will pull my kids from public school eventually, after much prayer and thought.

 

[TanksHill]

Ldychef2k, Your words of wisdom again fill my heart. You have such a way with them, thanks.

MR, your children will come around. Sometimes when your young and caught up in the moment it's hard to see the big picture.

At least it was for me.
Hugs, gina

 

[murphysranch]

When I get back to California, from this trip taking DS up to Vancouver WA, I'll print out your reply Ldychef. It was stupendous, eloquent and so focused on what is going on.

It will be taped to the refrig for my daily review.

Love you, Ldychef.

 

[murphysranch]

Getting on with MY life:

I've now joined the ranks of many of you out there in SS Land. You may remember that I had an injured hen, one of my remaining 4 Jersey Giants. For 4 weeks I carried her out of the coop in the morning, hand fed and watered her, and hand carried her back into the coop. She couldn't walk. I don't know what happened to her.

I finally came to the sad conclusion that she was not going to get better, so after reading documents, watching youtubes, I culled her. The hardest part was trying to get my dull knife thru her neck on both sides. But I hurried and her end of life was not as sufferable as the last 4 weeks of her life. I was surprised that her fat was very yellow - I've only ever bought grocery store chicken, so to see her fat as a different (brighter) color was surprising. I did well tho. Next time I'll dunk for a little longer in the hot water, but nothing else will change in my process.

DH was unwilling to partake in any of it. Once in a while I'd find him watching from afar. He called me a murderer but was kidding and was secretly proud of me. We didn't eat her. I boiled her up for three hours, and then prepared a huge batch of home made rice, chicken, and kibble dog food for my elder dog who has kidney and liver failure, but keeps hanging on, enjoying her life with us.

Yesterday, I went to Sonora and bought three new young hens. The young lady ordered chicks from McMurry about 3-4 months ago, and now was selling them for profit, via Craigslist. I bought a Dark Cornish, a White Rocks and a New Hampshire Red. $10 each. I looked them up on the internet to see what I had brought home, after she wrote down their breeds. My 3 hens discovered the new girls when they came back to their coop at around 7. DH helped me cordon off a part of the coop run for the new girls to live in while they become acclimated to their new home. They are not ppl friendly, but maybe over time they will come when called and know that I'm their new mama. The Jersey Giants were squawking and sqauwking (sp?) at them; cocking their heads and giving them the evil eye. (or curious eye).

Its gonna be 100+ here thru the weekend, so I'm hiding out in our home. We try not to turn on the AC until the temp gets into the 80's inside. Too expensive...

See ya later!