Need Advice...

[FarmerChick]

girlfriend?
not married?
he said kids not his?


not married


then he has no rights to those kids UNLESS he gets a court order


G/F can say I am leaving, see ya later alligator.....you got no rights that I can see...bye bye


LOL


he must pay to fight her rights....which it sounds he won't do


G/F can break from him in an instant........good for kids, probably yes

tell G/F anything you want Morel...you don't have no moral contract with anyone but yourself.....do what you think is right.

 

[MorelCabin]

Well, the only one this is really going to hurt is my mother...and she is seriuosly a wonderful woman. She has always been very neutral on everything...would never say a bad word about anyone...and I hope she doesn't end up in the middle of this, but if she does, so be it. I do know what this could do to my neice in the long run and I can't let that happen. It will kill my mother if g/f decides to keep kids away b/c bro lives with my parents. That is what my mother is afraid of. She made a mistake and overstepped on the Santa thing...but usually she is a wonderful grandma. I never heard the whole story on that one, but I think perhaps neice was asking questions and grandma told her the truth without thinking.
My bro on the other hand there is absolutely no excuse for...never has been. I'm going to team up with my sis...we're usually pretty good at working these things thru together...and g/f knows she is like a sister to both of us sisters:>) Thanks so much for all your support! You guys are wonderful! I will let you know what happens. I would hope that my bro gets put on monitored visits...and that my parents move him out if they want unmonitored visits with the grandkids...it's about time they cut the apron strings with him anyway

 

[FarmerChick]

remember if G/F likes parents and they are kind

so many times they can take the kids out, or meet in the middle at a public restaruant or whatever---at least for right now

hey Moms are great. I know what you mean. I would do tons to cover my Mom from crappola situations...........but at some point everyone needs to know or feel the real world.

hard but true

 

[meriruka]

You should tell her what your bro is doing (but you already know that ) She should keep the children away from him, because they are not married, he will need a court order to get visits. If he does that, he is stating that those are his kids & she can then get child support. If he doesn't pursue visitation, at least she is free of him & he can't do any more damage to the children.

Your mom seems blind to your brother's faults, you will never change that & it must be hard for you to watch. Hopefully some day she will understand you are doing the right thing.

 

[MorelCabin]

You should tell her what your bro is doing (but you already know that ) She should keep the children away from him, because they are not married, he will need a court order to get visits. If he does that, he is stating that those are his kids & she can then get child support. If he doesn't pursue visitation, at least she is free of him & he can't do any more damage to the children.

Well said! That'll put his game playing to a stop, won't it?

 

[Dace]

Oh what an awful situation!

I agree with what everyone has said, you gotta do whatever you can to protect the kids. Your brother is a grown man and he needs to act it.

Protect the kids, at all costs.

 

[Ldychef2k]

I am not sure that I would tell your mom what you are thinking. You said that your brother is the golden child, so there is no telling how she might unwittingly undermine you.

Your situation is similar to what my daughter went through with her ex husband, The Idiot. Drug addict, abusive, never worked, stole my daughter's retirement account, sold stuff from their house and my house to buy drugs...etc.

When she was in the hospital with pregnancy complications, he was caught cheating on her. That was the last straw and she divorced him and came to live with me. He broke in to the garage and trashed it, looking for a disposable razor, he said. Yeah. I had him arrested, and we both got restraining orders. Because he ignored the sheriff coming to serve him, the judge doubled the distance and length of the restraining orders to 300 yards and 5 years.

The Idiot went through all kinds of legal wranglings trying to get visitation, but with all the witnesses we had, he only got law enforcement supervised visitation. Last November, they started charging him $40 a visit, and he hasn't asked for one since.

Standing up to your brother doesn't have to cause a scene or destroy your Mom. You can do it incrementally and quietly and when it is finally revealed that you have taken the children's side, you will have done the right thing and helped kids while he has been a terrible person. You may have a period of time where you are on the outs with the family, but doing the right thing seems to me to be more important in this case.

The person who saw what this brother was doing with the daughter ought to tell their mom, maybe with you with him for support.

Much, much prayer for you and for these kids. This kind of situation is extremely painful. It tears at your heart and soul.

 

[me&thegals]

Protect the kids and their future health.

 

[lalaland]

I'ld add to what has been said: I assume you have a relationship with your nieces. Find a time to tell them that their daddy, your brother, was wrong to make fun of their mom, or to say bad things about her. Say that he was mad, and shouldn't have done that and made a mistake. Say loud and clear, and many times over, that it wasn't their fault, and be clear that you think your brother has a problem. However you put it, the kids need to hear from people that their daddy has a problem - because otherwise they will think they have the problem -

those kids have to be hurt that their dad said they weren't his kids - and they need to hear that they are wonderful kids anyone would be proud to have for kids, and that sad as it is, their daddy just has a problem that makes him say mean things that aren't true.

just my thoughts! and thank you for standing up for the kids

 

[MorelCabin]

I'ld add to what has been said: I assume you have a relationship with your nieces. Find a time to tell them that their daddy, your brother, was wrong to make fun of their mom, or to say bad things about her. Say that he was mad, and shouldn't have done that and made a mistake. Say loud and clear, and many times over, that it wasn't their fault, and be clear that you think your brother has a problem. However you put it, the kids need to hear from people that their daddy has a problem - because otherwise they will think they have the problem -

those kids have to be hurt that their dad said they weren't his kids - and they need to hear that they are wonderful kids anyone would be proud to have for kids, and that sad as it is, their daddy just has a problem that makes him say mean things that aren't true.

just my thoughts! and thank you for standing up for the kids

That is exactly what I plan on doing! They so need the reinforcement that they are good kis that anyone would be proud to have!