Ohiofarmgirl'sAdventuresinTheGoodLand-where ya been? whatcha been doin

[murphysranch]

Hey, now wait a minute there....

My man was born and raised in CA - way northern CA, and he surfed for years in that chilly foggy ocean.

He's not a he-man; he's talented with colors, paint, decorating. He doesn't twitter, blog, or even have an email account. He grad from High School only. He only reads sports and the car magazines. He works harder than anyone I know. Carpentry, painting, plumbing, irrigation, yard, pond and waterfill builder, vacuums the house, does dishes cus I don't, loves all my dogs; loves cats. Married me with my 4 yr DD old in tow; loves our son completely.

Oh, and he's always driven a truck. No fast little asian blacked out windows car for him.

He's cried 4 times the 22 years we've been together. When his Dad passed away, when he had to say good bye to his Mom (altzheimers) in Red Bluff to come down to SFO to pick me up from the airport, when his Mom died a few months later, and when he ran over my red cattle dog puppy last April.

He's the nicest man I've ever met, up on the same level with his Dad. And he's California born and bred....

 

[lalaland]

wow. I must have read you wrong there, OFG. you were just exagerating when you said a man couldn't hug another man, except for his pastor, right?


makes a good story!

 

[dacjohns]

Go man GO! We need more plaid shirted HE men in this world.

I wear plaid.

 

[Blackbird]

Ah huh..

Guess you've got nothing to worry about then, huh?

I guess I've grown up having both my dad AND mom being very... 'stereotypically' masculine that people whether male or female being.. 'sissy' or 'soft' has been certainly different, and personally rather undesirable to me, it certainly doesn't make them any less than the gender they were born with.

I guess I see the traits that make a man a good person the same that make a woman a good person. Either they are there, or they aren't. None of this 'You are only a man if you follow my list of rules'. A man is really just someone with male anatomy, just as a woman is someone with female anatomy. Maybe less desirable to you, but not less of a person.

Maybe since society in the US is getting less and less strict on conforming to sexual stereotypes people aren't boxed up as much and they are actually aloud to be the people they personally want to be. Heaven forbid if people actually show emotion.

I think that author and the French-lady have more in common with each other than we think. In one hand (John Wayne Lady's opinion), women are to be taking care of children and cooking and cleaning all day. In the other (French-Lady's opinion) men are nothing and are only good for occasional manual labor. They are both oppressors. I admit I rather like the balance instead.

For the record, my mother never needed a man when she encountered a mouse or had to open a jar.

 

[lalaland]

blackbird, just when I am stammering around trying to figure out how to say what I want without being a total jerk, you come around and say it so beautifully.

OFG, being who and what I am, I am probably a little extra sensitive to the idea a man or a woman has to conform to some particular ideal...being more of a live and let live person I find the biggest thing to be whether the person carries their own weight as best as they can, and has a good active sense of integrity.

which sounds like your man, and you, not that I'm the judge of anything!

is there any pie around here?

 

[Wifezilla]

i told my brother that his boys already have dirt bikes and BB guns waiting for them. and a whole box of army guys. and no they were not going to be vegetarians here and we were gonna kill something for sure. and they could go out in the yard and hit each other with sticks all they want.

LOLOLOL

I still have friends that haven't forgiven me for letting their kids play in the dirt with sticks at my house and our kids are in their 20's now! LOL

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

now now.. i didnt say ALL men.. or all women.. for that matter. so all y'all can do whatever you'd like. and whatever works - thats great, i'm not saying its best for you.

but

all i hear from my girlfriends who have soft men is that they need more help, they want him to take more responsibility, for him to make decisions, and they are tired of doing all the work... after a while you see the same patterns. women marry boys.. then are disappointed when they dont live up to their expectations which were pretty darn low to begin with. so they start mothering them... trying to fix it... then gals are doing all the work. and it doenst work out at all and everyone is mad.

for me i had it with the soft men. and frankly i was tired of being the man in a relationship. and i was really really sick of hearing how being a woman wasnt good enough - especially from other women. and i was really sick of the culture beating down all my feminine instincts and telling me to stop doing the things i was good at.

so i stopped buying into that and quit determining my worth based on what Cosmo said i should be.

blackbird you said it best a while ago - good help is hard to find.

could i do it all myself? yes. but for heavens sakes WHY? life is hard enough and i dont think its a failure for me to say that i need my husband. he makes my life better!

i dont need someone to help brush my hair or pick out curtains... i need someone who is physically stronger than me, tougher than me emotionally, can chainsaw, and fix the truck.

he came neatly wrapped up in plaid. driving a truck. with a dog. and a beer.

i'll ask it again - is there anyone here who thinks for one second that i'm oppressed by the man? ever? even once? do you think he's ever called me names or sent me to sit quietly in a corner? do you think he's even ONCE told me to shut up? ever? or that my opinion isnt worth anything? or do you think that he gets up everyday and works and sacrifices for the good of his family? THAT is a man that i want. and that is the man that i have.

if thats not what you want - go right on ahead and do what is best for you.

and yes lala, i know this doenst fit for you... so live and let live for sure!

and i hear the Dace has the pie.. we should go over to her house....wanna go? we can drive the truck and everything. we'll have to scoot the dog over tho. and pitch that beer out the window so we dont get a opened container violation...

 

[Blackbird]

Sorry OFG, didn't mean to stir up trouble. I thought it was just that absurd that we'd all have a good laugh about it.

You're friend's husbands sound outright immature. A relationship, no matter who is in it, needs a balance. Equal parts from both. Or they must compromise to what is best between them.

My dad would be considered very 'manly' going by your earlier description of what a man should be, but responsible, decision making, etc. he is not. I call that an example of a poor human being in general, same goes if it was a woman.

I've known far more men that are considered, by society, 'manly' men, that do exactly what you said your husband does not do to you. Not saying that all are that way, but I also don't think a pink shirt wearing whatchamacallit is that way either.

 

[lalaland]

OFG, yup, I'm coming over and I call shotgun. Dace, hope you got ice cream to go with that pie.

me, I might need a shot of bourbon.

now, OFG, what you are describing "ever called me names or sent me to sit quietly in a corner? do you think he's even ONCE told me to shut up? ever? or that my opinion isnt worth anything? or do you think that he gets up everyday and works and sacrifices for the good of his family? THAT is a man that i want. and that is the man that i have. ", is what I think most of us want in a partner (just change the gender to fit your circumstances).

I guess maybe some people feel better if they are the "strong" person in the relationship, or the "caretaker", but....being treated with respect, working hard, hey those are minimum qualifications in my mind for a sweetheart.

and for the record, and at the risk of getting myself in big trouble here, I'ld say you are describing what a feminist wants, too.

course, I can't think of anyone who says they want to be belittled, or told to shut up, or want to be with someone who is happy to have someone else take the lions share of responsibility. sometimes people don't think they are good enough to deserve good treatment though. and the good lord (and the great goddess) knows, there are some preachers out there who will happily tell the little woman that her husband knows best.

anyway, I think it is interesting that most of us want the same thing in relationships, whether we are women, or men, and whether we are looking for or have found a woman or man to make our heart sing.

I'ld best go get out of my jammies if I'm heading over to jump in the truck with you to head to Dace's. And heck, leave that dog in the truck! and the beer too!

Anyone else want to come for the fun?

(still snickering at the thought of some poor fool trying to belittle OFG)

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

aint that right.. say i got some bourbon around here somewhere.....

whooot! fire up the truck and open the gate! lets go lala!

Dace - we're comin' in!

whoooot!