Pink Fox: its Raining...IN MY HOUSE! :/

[pinkfox]

:/

i just dont know what im gonig to do...
mum is doing everything in her power to make me feel as guilty as possible about thinking of moving away, and trying to talk me into staying, dads no playing the game too...talking about how i "need more savings" and blah blah...

i get it, you dont want me to go...
i also get that its a long way away from you guys
and i also get that you dont want me to get stuck with no money down there...
but seriously...
you dont trust me enough to think ive already thought about these things...

i LOVE my parents i realy do, moving so far away form them is hard enough as it is and now ive got one playing the "your not smart enough to do this" card and the other playing the guilt trip card...
i just want to cry right now...

at what age will i be smart enough to handle it? at what age would i be old enough to strike out on my own?

im 26 and aparently cant handle life as a "big girl"
i NEED to live in my parents basment for the rest of my life...or at least long enough for them to decide they want to move...then im expected to go wherver they want to go and live in their basment (or if im lucky an above garage apartment) on their property for the rest of my life.

im supposed to book the flights and car and hotel for this trip tomorrow and right now im so flustered...
i realy wonder if its realy worth it...
if i realy shoudl be doing this whole thing...
mabe this is the universes way of saying "somethings going to screw you over so live in your parents basment where its safe"

i cant afford to stay in ct...im paying them $200 a month in rent plus my own gas, groceries and utilities...for the same amount (less because utilities are cheaper) i could have my own place...

but between the parents, my sister, and my so called friends who tell me i can "never leave ct" because "theyll miss me too much" (yet they never call, never im and never come to visit me, i have to drive the 1+ hour to visit THEM)

how did YOU know it was truly time to strike out and do this on your own?
how do you overcome the negative comments, the guilt trips, the people who wont just let go?

how do i do this?! should i realy!?

theres so much i want from life and instead ive spent the last few years working my little online job and sitting around because i cant afford to do anythign else in this goddess forsaken state.

*sigh*

in good news, looking at the kitten pictures helped me feel a little better...
thanks for letting me vent, even if noone reads it.

 

[abifae]

Skip out on them all! Time for you to adventure

I'm all for not letting your life get dragged down because no one else has coping skills.

Woot!

 

[Wifezilla]

Part of being an adult is going out on your own and possibly even falling flat on your face. A parent who tries to stop a kid from doing that is just being a selfish jerk. It may be a bit harsh, but I believe it to be true. I have seen so many parents emotionally cripple their kids for their own selfish purposes and it makes me want to scream!!!!

My son struggled on his own. Even fell on his face when he went to college. Guess what? He figured it out, picked himself up and fixed it!!!! Now at 22 he is wiser and very adult like in his actions.

It was a necessary part of growing up and he is all the better for the experience.

 

[ksalvagno]

You need to decide what is right for you and you alone. If moving away is right, then do it. If staying with your parents is right, then do that. But it sounds like it is time to move out on your own and you are ready to do it. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. I wouldn't have done a lot of things like own alpacas and live out in the country if I had listened to family. I didn't do the normal expected thing of live in the city (near my parents), have a 9 to 5 job and pop out the grandkids. But I'm very happy and my family came around when they realized that I was happy and successful.

The kittens are adorable!

 

[abifae]

This is my fifth try being a growed up.



I think I'm doing better this time round. Keeping a job and all.

 

[pinkfox]

*HUGE HUGS*

thank you guys...
i have some confidence issues (if that wasnt aparent lol)
i moved out when i was 23 to live with my now ex bf for 2 years...
when that didnt work out i came crawling home...
it was wonderfully to know i had a roof and safe place to come back to...
and for that im highly apreciative...
but as i said to them...i cant live in their basment (converted garage) for the rest of my life and at 26 im not just a young adult anymore...
im out of college ive got a steady income comming in...im a BIG girl.

i guess a small part of me is unsure about striking out on my own and their comments tonight just tweeked a nerve...

i HAVE to do this...for me...or ill hate myself for not going for it while the oportunity is available!

thank you thank you thank you...

im ready to be a growd up...at least in terms of responsibilities.

yup, time to work on following my dreams!

 

[glenolam]

It's kind of like saying "I'm the boss goat"....just replacing goat with girl!

FWIW (and don't take this the wrong way), it seems like your parents and friends may be so used to you doing everything they always wanted you to do that they can't fathom you doing something on your own or for yourself. In their mind (and I could be completely wrong, here) they really think you can't make it - or at least will have a very hard time if/when you try. You've leaned on them for support for so long through the boyfriend, weight, etc that they want to protect you from going through heartache again. And the way they do that is by guilting you into thinking you really do need them.

In reading your journal it seems as though you've gone through this huge transformation (no pun intended) and actually DO have self confidence. I loved reading your journal and hearing all the accomplishments you had....then you came on and 'vented' and I was like "WHA????" That just didn't sound like YOU....and I don't even really know YOU. Snap back into it and brush those comments off. You CAN do it and are very prepared to.

Oh...PS

 

[pinkfox]

thank you!

you are all absolutly right, i had a hard time sleeping last night because of the whole thing and when i finally did i dreamt about my little house...
and i realized, i NEED to do this for ME, for my dogs, and for my future.

and your absolutly right i CAN do this.

i think on my "frineds" part its more selfish...
i dont talk to them about my problems...ever, i didnt tell them i was having surgery, heck they dont even know that i was diagnosed bipolar, general/social anxiety, agoraphobia and ocd...
but instead its the opposite, Im the one they go to when they need to vent/complain...and quite hoenstly NOW it buggs me...when they did it when i lived local to them it was ok because id at least see them/hang out with them regularly...
the past 2 years however i ONLY hear from them if they need to complain about something....

i wonder if they are unsportive because they cant imagine not having me there at THEIR convenience anymore...
up untill this, if they call i always answer, i never say "oh ill call you back im busy" if they want to hang out im the one who has to drive the hour + to see them...they NEVER come to me...their reasoning is "everyone lives closer to here so its easier to have 1 person drive the distance rather than 4 people..."

my family i think is just a case of like you said, leaning on them...i dont think my dad can visualize me as a "big girl" and i dont think its so much he thinks i cant do this on my own on the financial side of things...but instead ill be too far away for HIM to coem "rescue" me if i need a fence built, or a pipe leaks ect...
what he doesnt seem to understand, despite how many times ive proven it to him...is that im confident enough to do alot of those things myself thanks to him showing me how over the years, i dont NEED him to rescue me all the time...if my pipe leaks i take a look, if its something i can do myself i fix it, if not i call someone who can...plain and simple.
heck i can work all his powertools safely, i can hang and patch drywall, ive done tile, i can fit a sink, i can lay laminate and vinyl flooring ect, i CAN do this.

and i think mum, just doesnt want to see me grow up...shes more afraid of not seeing me every day and missing me, than truly beliving i cant do this alone...

im hoping this trip to tn will help her see that i realy am ready for this and that she has to let me stretch my wings...because im doing this, with or without their support.

i could get down there, and get turned down for a mortgage (ive only been verbally pre-aproved) or not be able to find something that will qualify for financing that i like ect...

but i NEED to try.

i cannot thank you all enough, i knwo we all dont realy KNOW each other, but i cannot tell you how much you guys comments realy kicked my brain into gear, made me realize that im NOT 16 anymore, heck, im not even 20,
im not a kid, and i cannot live with mommy and daddy for the rest of my life.

all my frineds, my cousins ect all have their own places, their own lives, some even have families and there around my age...
if they can do it...i can damend well do it too!!!

*hugs* and thanks guys.
im back on board heart and brain and im not giving up on this one.

ive given up so much for other people in the past, and when i finally started seeing a psycologist I decided i was DONE giving up everything i wanted for what everyone else wanted from/for me...not anymore...its ME time and this is a part of that journey!

 

[glenolam]

Here's a question for you....

Why are you bringing your mom or parents on this trip in the first place?

I'm having a funny feeling that her mind is made up and bringing her along may just bring you down.

Maybe you should go by yourself at first, then as you progress have her tag along so you can already have everything in motion as opposed to giving her the opportunity to sway your mind in another direction.

Just a thought/question...

 

[pinkfox]

honestly...cost...
shes splitting the cost of the hotel , rental car and gas for the trip.
i cant afford to do the trip alone at this point without dipping into my down payment fund. its going to save me about $350 to have her come along...
that and its her birthday request...

i told her this morning though, im doing this and if she has an issue or is going to try and continue to talk me out of it then she might as well stay home...

there definatly not used to me standing up for myself lol as she looked a little shocked but she said Ok...

i told her...noone stopped her when she decided to work away from home at a holiday camp when she was 21, noone tried to talk her out of moving from the uk to the us 11 years ago...and she would have been upset if they had told her she couldnt do it...so why should she do it to me...

she said she hadnt thought about it like that.
so im hoping this will be the end of the "but i dont want you to" gripes.

and i confronted dad about the 'financial" aspect and told him...look, in this market the bank is NOT going to give me a mortgage if they dont feel like im financially prepared to not only pay the mortgage, but the taxes and utilities too
besides, im alreayd paying more a month renting from them here than i would be to own a home in tn with utilities ect...so ill be SAVING money in the long run...

he kind of stammered and looked at me funny tried to retort but knew there wasnt a good one, nodded his head and said "then i wont try and stop you..."