Quail_Antwerp: Words from the Barnyard...

[keljonma]

Want to shift gears on ya'll, Ernie and I had a wonderful visit with keljonma and her husband. I don't know where they got the bed they let us sleep on, but it was the most comfortable bed we'd ever been in!

Their kindness to us while we were there really touched Ernie. We really enjoyed our visit, and it helped to distract Ernie for a bit.
We really enjoyed the trip to the lake, and OMG the fish ya'll!!!!! We got to see a beautiful sunset and we did look at a farm house that would have been walking distance to keljonma, but no way would I pay $200,000+ for a place to live.

We visited with the First Ladies, and Sam, the First Rooster, showed me why a rooster stick is necessary. Ernie's favorite of the ladies was Lou, who if I remember correctly is a Black Jersey Giant. He was petting her and commenting on how soft her feathers were.

Another of the first ladies, I'm thinking her name was Pat? but I'm not sure, thought I needed to be bullied, and gave me a good hard peck on my back while I was squatted down to get pictures...Now that I think about it, I might have been Betty?? Keljonma will have to clear that up for me LOL

I am really glad to be home.

STOP IT! We were glad to be able to help. You are welcome..

Yes, Lou is our Jersey Black Giant, a flock sweetie. Betty is our Buff Orp, and Pat our White Wyandotte. Pat is a "hold me" chicken and Betty would only come near you if you had food. The bully is Frances, our Delaware. She has a wicked way with her beak!

Get some rest - night shifts can be killers.....

 

[Farmfresh]

You reminded me ... the whole short bed thing.

When hubby had his knee re-built (not replaced) he had that short bed trouble. We (hillbillies that we are) lifted our big cozy couch up onto spare truck tires to solve the height problems. I covered them with a sheet then just sat on the sofa. People that came over could not figure out what was under there to make it so tall.

 

[Aidenbaby]

Quail, I am so glad that Ernie's surgery went well. I hope he recovers quickly. I am terribly sorry that he had such a horrible stay. I would write a strongly worded letter to the patient advocate if I were you. Reading your experience really made me appreciate the hospital I go to to have my children. It is run by HealthOne and their staff really takes care of you. Once, when I was there, they were helping another patient but they still popped their head in to let me know that they would be back asap. We go to our local hospital for our emergency visits and they have a terrific emergency care. I'm not sure who owns them, though. If the patient advocate does not call you back or contact you in some way to your satisfaction, I would then write your doctor. To wait 20 minutes on the toilet and then still not have them come is NOT acceptable.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

The patient advocate actually came to his room and spoke with us before we left the hospital. She made a report and took it to whomever she is supposed to report those things to.

I slept about 4 hours last night. My nephew is taking his turn to sleep and I'm up with Ernie and the kids now. Ernie was laying in the "raised" bed I rigged up for him, but he wanted up to move around. The doctor said he wants Ernie to walk as much as he can without hurting himself to help strengthen his muscles and stuff. Plus, moving helps move other things, if you know what I mean?

So we went outside because he wanted to walk and see the garden and the poultry and rabbits. He was needing to get in to the loo so we didn't stop by to see Boss, Chase, and Emmy, but if he decides he wants to see them later we will if the weather holds up.

Right now I have coffee on, and as soon as Ernie is done in the restroom, he wants to sit in the livingroom and have a cup of coffee.

He keeps saying he is sorry that I have to help him, and I keep telling him I don't mind, but he's just in a lot of pain still and it's got him feeling a bit down. The kids are helping try to cheer Daddy up. It's cute.

Our DD is the biggest helper. She keeps coming out and asking Daddy if he needs anything. I just stopped typing here to go help him out of the bathroom, and he since he wanted to sit in a chair, DD ran to the bedroom to get his pillows for the chair. She was arranging them into the chair the way he needs them as I was helping him down the hallway. She's such a good kid.

I am surprised at how much my kids grew in the 4 days we were gone. The baby is trying to stand on his own, clapping his hands constantly, gibbering non stop, and now reaching out to be picked up. Wow.

My boys seem to have shot up several inches. Their hair has most certainly grown!

It's taken me nearly 30 minutes to type this post with all the interruptions I've had. The newest being my mom, who brought me some rabbit feed and chick starter. She was in an obvious bad mood, and wouldn't even wave to me when I waved hi. I asked her what was wrong and she blew up at me saying she's tired of being chewed out and unappreciated.

She was referring to what happened yesterday. She left my house at 8 am and left my nephew with my sons. She took DD with her and was gone all day. We had told her if she had to leave, and was going to leave our kids with our nephew, then DD needed to be there to help with the baby. I realize DD is not responsible for the baby's care, but she knows where everything is for him and nephew doesn't do the best of jobs of keeping an eye on the baby. We found this out by accident when we left to go to the store, came home, and found the baby eating dog food and nephew was in the same room as the baby! He just wasn't paying attention.

So yes, I was a bit upset with her yesterday that she did the very thing we asked her NOT to do. On top of that, Ernie and I were already frustrated because from the moment they knew he was out of surgery, everytime my parents called the first thing they wanted to know was, "When are they going to let him come home?" My mom was just worried that my Dear Sister might miss handi~camp next week. So now she's mad at me for being frustrated with them. I didn't chew her out, but I did say in disbelief, "You took DD with you and left the baby with nephew?" That was all I said, and instead of talking to me, she handed the phone off to my step dad. Course, before I had said that she immediately had asked me, "When are they releasing him?" I was a bit rude when I said, "He's already discharged, we're just waiting on the wheel chair."

When she dropped off the feed she came in and talked to Ernie, but ignored me. I thanked her for dropping off the feed and she said you're welcome and stomped off to her car.

I so badly wanted to tell her she wasn't being fair, but instead I'm wondering if I'm not being fair. I really wanted to remind her that when my sister was in the hospital 18 months ago and had to be amputated I had my work schedule re-arranged so that I could by driving past her house on my lunch hour and feed her animals. I wanted to remind her that Ernie and I arranged for childcare and went to their house daily to help my step dad clean the house and get a down stairs bedroom set up for my sister for when she did get to come home. I wanted to remind her that so many people showed so much compassion for them, did everything they could to help and make them comfortable or to save expenses for them, right down to paying the Ronald McDonald house fee for them and helping them keep their promise to my sister to buy her a pony. Not a one of us mentioned any personal appointments or plans that we might miss in the time that we were helping them.

She had said to me on Wednesday, "I suppose I could be a decent woman and tell your sister that she'll have to wait to go to camp another year so we can help you with Ernie. I'd just hate to do that though since her daddy has been saying no every year and this year he finally said yes."

I didn't say anything. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about that, hurt or guilty?????

I didn't say anything to her other than thank you for the feed. What could I say? I'm hurt that we aren't a bit more important to them, I guess. I realize I am not a little girl at home anymore, but it would have been nice to have a mom who would have at least focused on our immediate needs for once instead of what my sister might have to miss because of our needs.

You know, I waited 20 years to have a sister, and I was really happy when she was born. If I'm to be completely honest, I wish my mom hadn't had any change of life babies. I feel like my kids have been cheated of the whole granparents experience because one grandma has passed away, their paternal grandpa is too absorbed in himself, and my mom and step dad are too wrapped up in raising and spoiling their second family.

Is it wrong for me to go cry?

Anyone have any suggestions on how I can get a hospital bed in the home for Ernie? He's having a hard time getting in and out of the bed here at home, and we both think having one that he can adjust into sitting positions, etc., might be helpful.

 

[Beekissed]

Aly, if you aren't eligible for home health services for him, you could rent a hospital bed from a medical supply company. Or even advertise locally....some folks have used hosp. beds just gathering dust in their basements after their parents pass away.

If you rent one, make sure it is full electric and doesn't have to be cranked to elevate the height.

Yes, you can go somewhere and cry! I will cry with you....you've been through a tremendously stressful thing and I think you are doing admirably.

Things will soon be back to normal and you will be planning your move to the new place....can't wait!

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Bee, I don't know if he's eligible for home health services or not. How do I find that out????

I know they had one for his mom when she had ALS, it was rented, and her health insurance covered the cost, but again, I don't know how it came about that they got it.

Thanks, Bee, I feel like a wimp right now, and I'm afraid if I cry, Ernie will think I'm frustrated with him and then he'll get upset. He is already feeling useless.

 

[freemotion]

Isn't this the same woman who thought it was no big deal when her kid shot your kid with a bb gun? I don't think you can expect reasonable behavior from her, ever. She has her good qualities, and she has her blind spots. She can be trusted to take good care of the animals, it seems, but no so much with the children. Just what I get from your journal.

So don't take it personally, if you can manage that right now with all the stress! She is not capable of being reasonable about this, it is her, not you. It is hard for a reasonable person (you) to fathom the thinking of someone who is not (her.) Sigh.

About Ernie.....we often forget that surgery is an assault on the body. Even unconscious, we have an awareness that we are being "attacked." As a massage therapist, I have seen clients have strange memories and feelings come up when even very, very old surgical scars are worked on. It can be scary, but then they usually are very comforted to recognize those negative feelings, intellectualize them, and let them go.

This is such a difficult time for you right now....but it will be so worth it, when Ernie is back on his feet and able to be active again. It is a good man's nature to need to work and take care of his family, it is normal for him to have some depression over not being able to. It will pass. Smooches!

 

[Beekissed]

Let him see you cry, Aly. It will take the focus off himself and his pain for a moment and will show him that you are feeling all the strain right along with him. It will bring out the protector in him and he will rise to the challenge. Its always bad for a man to feel helpless, especially with a strong woman like yourself handling things. Let him feel like he can comfort you....THIS is something he can do with or without a back brace and bad pain.

Cry hard and long, cuddle and snuffle.....and then take a deep breath. You need it. He needs it. The kids probably need it.

Just call the local health department and see what services are available to you. You may not qualify but they may be able to hook you up with a hosp. bed and maybe a trapeze bar.

I know that men who are normally very strong feel extra helpless and frustrated when immobilized and weak. I think his recovery will be smoother if you let him vent those feelings, vent your own and then channel, channel, channel that energy into planning for the new place. Give him a notebook, pencil, and some ideas. Its a lot better than laying there feeling helpless....guys do not make good invalids!

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Yes, Free, same woman, but even knowing she is the way she is doesn't make it hurt less. I haven't even told ya'll the kicker from this week, and not sure I'm going to.

Ernie is finally sleeping. His first good sleep since the surgery. I just tiptoed in to check. I went very unfrugal and hooked up the a/c in our bedroom so he can be comfortable...he deserves it.

 

[Farmfresh]

I think a surgery like this can help in other ways too.

When hubby had to have his knee rebuilt he could do nothing himself for a long time. Riding in a car or sitting on the toilet are almost impossible when your leg is braced straight out! I think the time we spent together - me caring for him and him appreciating me - really brought us back together as a team.

Sometimes life with all of its busyness, kids, work and worries leaves little time to bond as a husband and wife.

A situation like this slows us all down. Sometimes things are way better after it is over!