R-Lawrence - my journal here

[savingdogs]

I'll share something I don't usually share.

I was a suicidal teen at one point.

I did not really want to kill myself. I wanted to make things change. I wanted attention, I wanted my way, and I wanted things in my life which were not going to happen for a few more years. I TALKED about suicide to manipulate my parents and make them feel bad and give in to my childish wishes.

I'm not saying that your son is the same. I would take what he says seriously and do things about it, counseling, etc.

However keep in mind if he really wanted to kill himself he probably could have already. He doesn't really want to if he keeps telling you. He wants you to help him stop feeling so bad and doesn't know how to say that or make it happen.

I'm no expert on autism and suggest you listen to our own Abifae, she can probably assist you here more than any other. I'd take her suggestions regarding that aspect and try to remember also that people say things they do not mean sometimes because they are looking for reactions, change, or something.

It does sound like living close to a big city would be helpful, that sounds like a reasonable goal, to live where you can have your lifestyle but also make it in to town for the assistance you need.

 

[R-Lawrence]

Thanks, Saving. I appreciate the insight. I too tried something when I was young, but not seriously. I'd read "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden" and thought it sounded romantic.

Idiot me.

My son, on the other hand, is serious. He just doesn't have the mental or emotional acuity to understand that holding your breath or not eating isn't really gonna accomplish the deed. And I've begged all of his doctors and therapists to NEVER tell him. Holding the breath thing didn't last long, but he still intends to do it by starvation. Luckily, I know little tricks to get him to eat, then he has to start all over.

He's gluten-free but I've bought and frozen some delicious gf cupcakes when a special treat is necessary. I'm careful to not "reward" things ... just pull one out the next day after an explosion or whatever.

I'm not explaining it well. Sorry. I think I'm gonna go take a nap now. We're having a thunderstorm, the chicks, chickens and goats are all fed and watered, and he's reading Harry Potter with the cassette tape of it.

I think I'm safe checking out for an hour.

Thanks again.

p.s. Made a decision. Gonna stay here in the country for another year, giving HUbby a chance to step up and be a man, and hoping therapy will start to work for my Kid. If not, gonna find a place closer to town that allows for chickens and goats. Maybe find someone who will let me park a couple of travel trailers and chicken/goat pens on their property! So gonna start saving. Thanks for helping me think it through.

 

[savingdogs]

No problem! Sometimes just writing things down helps you sort them out, doesn't it?

 

[Denim Deb]

I don't know what kind of relationship you have w/your hubby, but if it's not good, you may want to save your money in a place where he cannot find it, like in a safe deposit box, and have the statement sent to a friend, or get a PO box.

 

[R-Lawrence]

I don't know what kind of relationship you have w/your hubby, but if it's not good, you may want to save your money in a place where he cannot find it, like in a safe deposit box, and have the statement sent to a friend, or get a PO box.

Done.

 

[Denim Deb]

Smart gal.

 

[FarmerDenise]

Just wanted to say welcome and

 

[R-Lawrence]

My son had a seizure yesterday. His first. I have never been so terrified in my life. My throat still hurts from all the screaming.

Heard the thud and found him seizing on the floor by the computer. Hubby and I had already finished working on the goat pen or we might not have found him for an hour or two.

Luckily a paramedic lives next door so Hubby ran to get him while I called 911. ER. Tests. Most normal. EKG a little concerning. Home last night with follow up to have EEG done and peds neurologist. EEG scheduled for next week. Waiting for ped neuro to call me back to schedule. He slept a lot last night ... more sound sleep than in years. I've moved him to the bedroom next to ours for the next month. And we're gonna be joined at the hip until we get answers.

He has very little memory of anything since yesterday afternoon. Bits and pieces. And part of his memories in other areas is gone.

Hubby was great throughout. There may be hope for us yet.

ER doc said probably autism related (abi?). Could have been the vid game he was playing. Meanwhile, if my son has another seizure, the ER doc said chances are he'll always have them. So we need to do everything possible to prevent the second one.

Please keep us in your thoughts and send healing energy our way.

 

[savingdogs]

Oh, I know only too well how horrific a first seizure can be for the family. My husband had a grand mal in a store.....such an awful thing to watch.

My heart goes out to you. Perhaps this will lead to you getting some answers for what will help him.



I'll remember your family in my prayers.

 

[Denim Deb]

I seem to recall that Abi does get seizures at times, so she can probably help you w/that.

As for the video games, they can cause seizures. Here's a link to some info on that.

http://www.epilepsy.com/info/family_kids_video