R-Lawrence - my journal here

[MorelCabin]

Welcome! I raised a son something like yours...and i have to tell you that the country is the best place for him, really...he won't have any more friends in the city, only more enimies I'm afraid. Trust me on this. It is hard, I alomost wne tcrazy with mine, but he is doing much better now that he is in his twenties. We also went through the suicidal thing and alot of stuff.
I had to really learn to give him up to God...to trust that God has a plan for each of us and lean on that.
You also have to figure out if your son is really suicidal or simply using it for attention.
I really hope i am not being offensive...like i said, I have been there

 

[Marianne]

So sorry...my grandson is ADHD, they lived with us for a year, long ago. You never really understand it unless you live with one that has it. I'll never forget looking in that little boys eyes and seeing them 'vibrate' back and forth. That's when I really accepted that he had no control over what was happening to him sometimes.

Now, he's much, much better. I hope that your son improves with time, although it sounds like it's going to be a long haul.

Try to live some of your dreams there on your farmette. You can't give up everything you have always wanted for those you love. And telling him 'no' doesn't mean that you don't love him.

 

[R-Lawrence]

Thanks.

I'm not religious but am spiritual. I believe in my higher self and higher power, and draw on that.

Yes, he really is suicidal. Or was. I broke down and got meds for him. Monitor closely. He doesn't have a completely real grasp of certain things, so his preferred method of suicide is ridiculous to most people but thankfully no one has pointed that out to him.

He just doesn't want to do bad things any more, but can't stop himself. That's the OCD crossing over with autism. So sometimes he beats his head against a wall or stair banister or even his hand if that's all that's available. He wants to punish himself, so when he's done something really horrible (like scaring the chicks or throw rocks at the chickens) I have to be very very careful with how I correct him while still stopping the behavior instantly.

Fine lines.

So you think it would be better to stay out in the country? It's about an hour drive to his therapist.

 

[R-Lawrence]

Thanks, Marianne.

 

[Marianne]

So you think it would be better to stay out in the country? It's about an hour drive to his therapist.

Do you think his behavior or way of thinking would change if he was in the city? Have you talked to his therapist about your fears, etc?

For pete's sake, I just remembered that my sister's daughter is borderline autistic. (We aren't close) I remember my sis saying that her daughter couldn't cope with changes, but they ended up moving to the country about a year or two ago. The daughter seemed to make the adjustment as she had plenty of notice, so to speak, 2 or 3 years, and they worked at making it a positive thing (she was going to get a new bedroom with stuff just for her, etc). Unfortunately, my niece seems to be regressing (she's 39 now), throws herself on the floor, screaming temper tantrums. My sister said that she was glad they were away from neighbors or someone would be calling the cops all the time.

 

[R-Lawrence]

I've talked with my own therapist, and his therapist has gotten down on me for moving him so much in his life.

I really don't want to move. He doesn't eat much meat but likes the chicken eggs (especially the colored shells). Just started liking chicken and says it's ok if we butcher some of ours as long as he doesn't know them / they aren't named.

He loves goat milk and it's so much better for him that cow milk. He does great on home-grown veggies and fruit.

He has a wonderful "suite" in the basement with his own bathroom and a "hidey hole" room where he crawls into to do his writings, make lists and so forth. I could convert that area into his own apartment if need be.

I DO think he'd be worse if we were in the city. For lots of reasons but also because the only way I can de-stress these days is to go outside and hug one of my chickens. I hold her and cuddle with her, and she just coos at me. It helps a great deal. So does giving my goats a good scratching.

More thinking to do.

 

[savingdogs]

I think the country is the place to be. I have a difficult son, not in the same league as what you are dealing with, but we find he does a lot better in the country.

If you ask him however, it is TERRIBLE here and he is SO BORED, etc., etc., his life is horrible. But it is not his choice to make and we have to do what works for the whole family not just him.

 

[TanksHill]

 

[R-Lawrence]

We just played our nightly 5 uno games. I don't know. If we were in the city, it would be just the two of us, he'd probably be tormented by even more kids, and we would feel pressured to socialize with lots of people.

Going to bed now. Been fighting the flu and now that he's off to bed (yeah, right, to "read" or listen to music or whatever), I'm gonna take some med and go to bed.

Thanks for listening. It has definitely helped me to talk this out.

 

[Denim Deb]

Talk to Abi. She's autistic.