Sufficient Self's Bible Study Group

[MorelCabin]

Can I ask for some advice? I am really uncomfortable about this but I trust you guys.

Now I am feeling this huge disconnect. I assume that he is more comfortable being a more lukewarm Christian which is not what I want.
My heart is a little crushed because I thought we were both headed down the same path although I have recognized that I am taking things further as I read Christian books, my bible and listen to Christian talk radio....all because I have a burning desire to learn more. He only picks up his bible for church and bible study. And that is ok, I mean we are each on our own walk with the Lord.
I am just not really sure what to say or do. I have just been praying that God lead me thru this.

Does anyone have an feedback on this?

My advice would be ... don't get "ahead" of your husband. He is to be your spiritual leader. If you get ahead of him, he may just 'abdicate"the spiritual leader role all together. Many husbands are quite happy to let the wife lead in matters of "church" or spiritual things. This is NOT good.

Woman many times find it easier to be interested in matter of the spiritual realm. In Judaisim, women are not "required" to attend symagogue, their main spiritual duty is to raise children who will follow the Holy One. And it is thought women have an extra measure of "spiritual desire" to please the Holy One. (not always the case as we propbably all know many "unspiritual" women0

It is much easier for husbands if the wife will follow his lead, rather than for the husband to follow the wife.

Your husband may have some things going on that he has not shared with you... We all go through times of being "apart" from the Holy One, then drawing close... Maybe he is in an "apart" mode at the moment. Maybe he has a fear of something the Holy One may ask him to do. Who knows?

You can ask him to clarify what he means by "not going too deep."
You can make a "godly appeal" to him, expressing your desire to "go deeper" into your walk with the Holy One. But, make it clear you desire him to be the spiritual leader of the home.

Prayer is always a good thing, the Holy One is able to give you contentment in areas that are "lacking" at the momemt. Pray for your husband that he desrie to have a closer walk with the Holy One. But, DO NOT nag your husband. Do you pray together? I don't mean saying a grace at mealtime, I mean do you have a fixed time of prayer together? And that is something that is not an easy thing for most couples these days. Taking time to pray together.

I totally agree! You have to let him be the head...and women DO get in deeper than men for some reason, my pastor has even told me this
"doing" for the church is not nessessarily Godly, we can become too busy for our personal time with him. Work on your own personal relationship with God and just be a shining wife...what God wants you to be FIRST is a wife and mother, and to obey your husband in all things.
I will pray for you Dace.

 

[Dace]

Rebbetzin, that is really wonderful insight. I appreciate your feedback!

No we do not pray together, I have thought about it a lot and have wanted to discuss it with him but our schedules are so weird, I am not sure when we would do it. He did mention to our small group being uncomfortable with praying out loud and that he and I should pray together to practice.

I would never nag, nor does he really know how 'far ahead' of him I am in my walk. I would never ever want to make him feel less than, so I have always been careful about that. Most of my reading and radio listening is done during the day while he is at work.....but it is also my personality to immerse myself in something that gets me excited.

He did mention feeling a bit pushed by the church....not his exact words, but now that I am getting this off of my heart I am seeing more. He mentioned our worship leader (and friend of ours) encouraging folks to step out of their comfort zone a little, whether that meant lifting your hands while singing or just closing your eyes...just step outside if your comfort zone. I think that made him feel a little pushed. And I think he is feeling pressure to go to Haiti, which is something that our 17 yr old wanted to do and he suggested that we all go....maybe the reality of that is setting in?

Maybe you are right about hi. Just being in a place of personal struggle
right now.

The good news is that he is very fond of our Pastors, so I know he is happy with the church in general. He wants to have them over for dinner, maybe I just need to get that scheduled.....who knows what will touch him.

I will keep praying

 

[Rebbetzin]

Rebbetzin, that is really wonderful insight. I appreciate your feedback!

I, maybe I just need to get that scheduled.....who knows what will touch him.

I will keep praying

Thanks for the encouragement. Praying is our best tool as wives.
I am very blessed to hear you are aware how important it is to our husbands that they be the leader and not feel "less than."

I will keep you in my prayers. Let us know when you see improvement so we can rejoice with you in the goodness of the Holy One and HIS timing in our lives. Know that this is a time of growith for both of you.

All of us are learning to trust the Holy One has everything under control, even when we don't agree with His methods and/or timing.

 

[MorelCabin]

the Holy One and HIS timing in our lives. Know that this is a time of growith for both of you.

All of us are learning to trust the Holy One has everything under control, even when we don't agree with His methods and/or timing.

I really needed to hear this today...Thanks!

 

[Wifezilla]

"If a Christian man[c] has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 13 And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. 14 For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband[d] brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. 15 (But if the husband or wife who isnt a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife[e] is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you[f] to live in peace.) 16 Dont you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And dont you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?

17 Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches. 18 For instance, a man who was circumcised before he became a believer should not try to reverse it. And the man who was uncircumcised when he became a believer should not be circumcised now. 19 For it makes no difference whether or not a man has been circumcised. The important thing is to keep Gods commandments.

20 Yes, each of you should remain as you were when God called you."

In other words, just because one partner in the marriage makes a change in their level of commitment or calling, you don't rock the boat. At least that is how I interpret it.

 

[savingdogs]

Thank you for that post Wifezilla, that makes me feel open to ask this:

This is an interesting topic for me because my husband has always been a non-believer. I had found the catholicism I'd been raised with too strict and moved away from religion when we got married, but later I moved gradually towards being a more spiritual person again in my 30s and 40s. He has always felt I should believe as I see fit and never ridiculed me or done much more than be a bit skeptical, he is a strongly moral person with values and agrees with a Christian lifestyle, so it isn't as hard as it might appear. I have had full control of this aspect of my children's lives, but they see he does not believe or support it and only my youngest is a believer, who had more contact with the more spiritual side of myself, although middle child I believe will grow into it.

But it would be hard to let Hubby "lead"....I would be nowhere!

Hubby is not Christian because of his parents. They attended church every sunday and paid lip-service to God, but at home they were evil selfish abusive alcoholics who never once BEHAVED in a Christian manner at any time during our almost 30 year marriage and my husbands stories of his childhood are horrific...he left their home at age 13 because they beat him so frequently. And despite meeting "true" Christians throughout his life, he has always felt it was "for them" and not something he could believe. Considering his upbringing, my husband has come a long way and worked very hard to be unlike his parents who were so evil.....but unfortunately they called themselves Christians so it has always left a bad taste in his mouth and he wants to be unlike them in every way.

Of course I have tried to point out other Christians throughout our marriage whom are not like them, but.....

Suggestions for me? I'm free to believe as I wish, but I do wish for my husband a bit more spiritual guidance. Deep down, I know he believes in God, but it only shows up occasionally, like during a death in the family. He knows I pray and read the Bible, but I can never imagine getting him to do that.

I hope you all do not feel he is a bad person. He always says Christians are his favorite people and that he fits in best with them. But attending church, Bible study....prayer aloud.....leading his wife......

 

[Wifezilla]

You can't make hubby believe like you do. Nor can you NUDGE him. He will feel the manipulation even if it isn't overt.

If you do it anyway, you risk ruining what you do have.

Keep in mind I am an atheist. For me the bible is an interesting insight in to early civilization so others might not have the same interpretation of the passages I posted. But it seems pretty clear to me. Don't rock the boat. You can't drag him to spirituality kicking and screaming.

If hubby makes changes, they will have to come from him. As for you, just provide a good example should he decide to come to believe more like you.

Any pressure will just backfire and appears to go directly against the bible.

 

[savingdogs]

Oh, I don't pressure him....

I'd like to find a way to make him happier about his spirituality though.

 

[Wifezilla]

What if he is happy with the way things are?

 

[Dace]

Such a great conversation!

I am so deeply grateful for all the feedback! I was afraid to post because I did not want him to look like a bad guy because he isn't! I am so thankful that you all turned my head around on this one, I can't even express the relief that I feel now!

It is so hard to remember that things happen in Gods time, not my own. I really struggle with that, thank you for the reminder

Morel, thank you....I do try to 'shine' I reflect on 1 Peter 3 often....

3 Wives in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence in your lives.

My Hubby is a believer, just more tentative perhaps?

SD....maybe that verse one is a good one for you too I do leave books out....thinking that something will spark his interest and my bible usually sits on the end table (his sits on the other end table) I just wish he would open it up....but maybe in time. Really the truth is that his plate is very full and he tends not to be a reader....he is a books on tape sort of guy, so I guess the expectation or hope that he would pick up one if my books is pretty silly.

Rebbetzin, I will keep you posted on our progress

And Wifey, I love that you chime in

Again, I can not even tell you how happy I am with all of your feedback, truly a dark cloud has been lifted from my heart!