The mentality of some people!

[Jamsoundsgood]

I'm going to say something a bit more positive. You remind me so much of my SIL right now it's rediculous. Her husband when they were first married always had to have the latest and greatest, and their debt was as great as yours, and almost all of it was/is credit card debt. I don't believe it's because his money values are so very different from hers, and it doesn't sound to me that your BF's values are so very different from your's either. It's more a case of education. Their financial intelligence has been corrupted. My BIL actually believed that if his limit on his credit card was $3000, then he had that much to spend. That's how his parents had lived, and no one had ever taught him differently. Basic economics isn't really taught in schools, and often parents are in just as much debt as kids. Or they've watched shows where the kids graduate from college, live in a large, perfectly decorated flat in the city, and wear designer clothing. All while job hunting. My SIL and her husband will have their credit card debt fully paid off probably this year and will be buying their first home as well, which would not have been possible before. I think you guys can too.

 

[Bettacreek]

Thanks guys! I don't believe that marriage will happen. Not because of a lack of love or a working relationship, but because we've both been down that road before, and, really, what's a slip of paper? Marriage is about half silly IMO. You can make the same commitments without spending money on a wedding (or going to the majestrate), without worrying about even more stress and money trying to get a divorce (in fact, I'm still legally married to the last ass), etc, etc. Who knows if that mentality will fade after previous divorces are forgotten, but, at this stage, it's not really in our minds. As for him changing, it's not a forced change. The man WANTS to change. However, even if he does not change, I accept him, so long as I'm not legally married to him, lol. Sounds terrible, but, with debt, I just don't want to funk with that if something goes south.

 

[Wifezilla]

and, really, what's a slip of paper?

A LEGAL acknowledgment of the time, effort, resources, etc you build together as a couple. Yeah the fancy gown and all is silly, but hubby & I went to a judge and got married for $25.

I just hate to see women put time and effort in to a relationship without the benefit of marriage and then end up alone with nothing to show for it. This has happened several times to my sister (and she is just one example out of many). She helped one guy settle his father's estate, cleaned out 60 years worth of garbage in the house and garage, fix up and prepared for sale the property, helped him haul stuff, etc... and then he decided to break up with her after all the work was done.

Another boyfriend she helped move when he bought a house, helped him paint and remodel, fixed up the lawn, etc... and now she is moving out since he still has a thing for the old girlfriend.

 

[Bettacreek]

and, really, what's a slip of paper?

A LEGAL acknowledgment of the time, effort, resources, etc you build together as a couple. Yeah the fancy gown and all is silly, but hubby & I went to a judge and got married for $25.

I just hate to see women put time and effort in to a relationship without the benefit of marriage and then end up alone with nothing to show for it. This has happened several times to my sister (and she is just one example out of many). She helped one guy settle his father's estate, cleaned out 60 years worth of garbage in the house and garage, fix up and prepared for sale the property, helped him haul stuff, etc... and then he decided to break up with her after all the work was done.

Another boyfriend she helped move when he bought a house, helped him paint and remodel, fixed up the lawn, etc... and now she is moving out since he still has a thing for the old girlfriend.

I understand that, but, I think that now is WAY to soon for both of us to be thinking about marriage. As I said, I'm still fighting for a divorce from my ex (stupid prat won't take the parenting class, even though they fined him $500 and everything for not going, plus contempt of court). The boyfriend was divorced about two years ago. So, for both of us, it's still pretty fresh in our minds. While we don't see an end to "us" anytime soon, we haven't even been together for a year yet. While, yes, I do plan to help him pay off debts, he has also contributed to my family. I am a non-working mom right now, and I plan to go to college in July, and not working during that time either.

 

[eggs4sale]

Buying the toys on credit isn't a budget issue to him. It's a 'feel good now' issue. Once that outlet is denied, he will move to 'feel good' elsewhere. It may be in smaller doses in the Sears hardware department, or at Lowe's. Adding those debts up is crushing.

No, he will not change. But we ALL know how it is to hope for the best. And we all know how stupid we felt at the point we faced reality.