Abifae - Ciao Babies!

[abifae]

hahah. Yes. I've gone dancing under the full moon before!! The stars make music.

 

[Bethanial]

Don't think being autistic is a criteria for hearing the star tunes - just willing

 

[Bethanial]

For some reason, I just NOW saw this reply!

Abi, do the meltdowns ever go away? Or just morph into something else that - while still technically a meltdown - doesn't quite so much resemble a temper tantrum?

You learn to cope better and so you can get yourself somewhere private and just pace and mutter and punch pillows instead of a full meltdown. Just like mundanes have to learn. Moving from the toddler "it all spills out" to the more adult "hold it all in and have a heart attack" LOL. I don't recommend the latter.

We are developmental delay, not stop If we are still throwing ourselves on the ground and having a full meltdown, we're still 3 or 4 in there somewheres. Eventually we'll get old enough to have more control.

To me, it's controlling the input and output. I know what things push me into meltdown fast and I can choose to avoid them or to bring coping toys with me. (Things to pet or play with, alternate noise, etc.) So that's input. Output is learning meditations and calming exercises.

This is so good to know! It's been a LO-O-ONG time since he's had a major meltdown in public, but home is a different story. And I know home is supposed to be a place we can "let our hair down" and everybody loves us anyway, but I'll be glad when he can do at home what he does in public (he knows his bedroom is a safe zone and he can punch the bed all he wants), instead of taking it out on me. Not fun

Side note on the noise - he doesn't do the finger flapping thing you talked about, but he mimics whatever noise is irritating him. So, if we're in a restaurant and the fry timer goes off, he starts making the same high-pitched noise - and will continue doing so until the one in the restaurant is turned off. Rhythmic ticking of the blinker/turn signal in the car - makes that noise. Those are just a couple examples but you get the idea.

And meds - just read in the tumeric milk thread that you say you prefer natural stuff. Is there ANYTHING that works with the Autism Spectrum stuff. I'd love to get my son off of some/all of these drugs, but that one really does help with the meltdowns, and the ADD med helps him focus, and .... and .... I just hate to keep him medicated if there's other alternatives.

Well, I don't believe in medicating, period. I know autistics annoy the crud out of everyone around them, but all meds have side effects that make life more difficult later. But that's me.

I would have LOVED to have had anti anxiety meds, even knowing they'd kill me, up until a couple years ago. When I finally hit puberty, I also suddenly figured out ways to deal with more of the stresses of OutSector.

I would say therapy (to learn coping mechanisms and behavioral cognitive stuffs), meditation (to learn to calm the body. You HAVE to get that adrenaline down)... Heck, auties have weird reactions to most meds anyway.

If there is one that helps with meltdowns, replace it... SLOWLY... with better coping mechanisms. Ditto the ADD. Make him think. Why are you spazzing? Is something too much and you are trying to outrun it? Are you overstimmed or understimmed? The more he becomes aware of WHY the easier he can control himself without drugs.

I'm definitely not saying this is why you medicate him, but I have seen a lot of parents on forums who drug the kid so THEY aren't annoyed by their kid, not to improve the kids' lives. I feel this way about the "ADD" craze anyway. The kids need higher fat diets and exercise. Pffff.

The anti-anxiety meds are GREAT! That was the first med he was put on, and the difference was fabulous. I'd like to not have him on so many meds, but I take an anti-anxiety every day too, so I know for me the effect it has.

We're working on finding a therapist/counselor. He had one, but she pretty much dumped us. Issue is finding one my insurance takes. We finally bit the bullet, and he's currently seeing a developmental pediatrician, that my mom is paying all the costs of b/c he doesn't take our insurance - but he's the best.

I had been resisting getting him tested BECAUSE of meds for years - I just knew he'd come back as ADHD and be forced to be on meds to stay in school. Oppositional Defiance was even on my radar (thank God he tested negative on that one); Asperger's/Autism Spectrum was the furthest thought from our minds. But it is him, to a "T!" All that said to say I'm not and never would medicate him just b/c he drives me insane (although he really does - even medicated ). We even switched from the insurance covered psychiatrist to the out-of-pocket Developmental Pediatrician b/c I felt like my son was in the "pill-of-the-month" club; the doc would see us maybe 5 minutes a visit, the whole while writing a new script to get filled and see what that did. New doc calls once a week and tweaks the meds up/down/out based on my report.

You have to slow the adrenaline. .......

Speaking of, what is his diet like? Auties are hyper sensitive to pretty much everything. We really seriously have NO FILTERS. Physical or mental or emotional LOL. So we are more likely to have gluten issues, sugar issues, preservative issues....

If something would knock you a tiny bit of balance and you could recover and be okay, knocks us completely off and can take days to recover. We just aren't very stable in this world. It is why I learned to ground into my Dark, not into this world.

What's the deal with the adrenaline? You're the first person who's mentioned this.

Diet could be better, could be a LOT worse. I don't let him have red dye - period! If I have to choose between red dye and caffeine (wigs him out/stims him up), he gets the caffeine b/c the red dye is horrendous! I've known the red dye bit since he was about 2-3. I'm working on cutting back on packaged/processed for ALL of us, not just him. I'd really like to avoid GFCF if I can (wouldn't feel right taking it away from him and not myself!). And now I've got to really set a better example and help him out too - he's gained 11 lbs in 3 months! It's a side effect of the no-meltdown med :/ And it really just seems to "make him think" - I can tell he's starting to get mad/angry, but you can tell he's making an effort controlling himself instead of just letting loose. Hate the side effects, love the intended effect. This med is actually intended for controlling the manic phase of bi-polar and helping prevent meltdowns in those on the spectrum. Lot freaky, but it works.

We also know his behavior improves tremendously on school breaks. (He got out on Friday, and he's already "normal" acting most of the time.) His official diagnosis includes "school stressors," so I'm pretty sure part of it is trying to fit in, knowing he's a little different but not knowing how to fix it, over-stimulation by being around all the kids, etc. Aside from the fact that we'd kill each other (did it once for 6 weeks), homeschooling as a single mom isn't really an option....

What happens to him with the thing that knocks me off my feet for weeks before I even begin recovering? (Like, oh, say, his dad deciding he doesn't want to be married to Mommy anymore....) BTW, that happened over 18 months ago, and his official diagnosis came after that.

I'm glad you've discovered how to ground yourself

 

[abifae]

Must see TED talks!!

Schools Kill Creativity

Can We Eat to Starve Cancer?

And I know home is supposed to be a place we can "let our hair down" and everybody loves us anyway, but I'll be glad when he can do at home what he does in public (he knows his bedroom is a safe zone and he can punch the bed all he wants), instead of taking it out on me. Not fun

Yes. I'm more likely to yell at everyone at home than out. Everyone is that way. Auties are just extremists LOL. Make sure he knows that you don't like it, and why, and sit down and find better ways to display the emotions?

Side note on the noise - he doesn't do the finger flapping thing you talked about, but he mimics whatever noise is irritating him. .... Those are just a couple examples but you get the idea.

Bwahaha. I do that. I make the car's noise when we drive, etc.

The anti-anxiety meds are GREAT! That was the first med he was put on, and the difference was fabulous. I'd like to not have him on so many meds, but I take an anti-anxiety every day too, so I know for me the effect it has.

Most of my life would have been easier tuning the anxiety down a bit. LOL. Oh wells

We're working on finding a therapist/counselor. He had one, but she pretty much dumped us. Issue is finding one my insurance takes. We finally bit the bullet, and he's currently seeing a developmental pediatrician, that my mom is paying all the costs of b/c he doesn't take our insurance - but he's the best.

No one does a sliding scale? Glad you have a good pediatrician though and that you have help affording him!!

New doc calls once a week and tweaks the meds up/down/out based on my report.

AMAZING!! Keep him!

What's the deal with the adrenaline? You're the first person who's mentioned this.

From my blog... Meltdowns happen ....

I wouldn't be surprised if he is majorly stressing himself over the social crap at school. You are only worth what others think of you. That's what schools are supposed to teach you so you know it is true when you hit the outside world LOL. If you do not know this, you fail as a social creature.

Abi = Epic Fail. I'm so bad at caring about social stuff.

LOL!

Speaking of.... I got invited to my dad's for Christmas and I'm actually going (for two hours, I told him there IS a time limit if he doesn't want me bitch slapping the family) because I imagine it took a bit of effort on his part to get me invited at all LOL. Dinner is at 5. I shall bring something to distract me from them all. I like him, but the rest of them despise me as much as I do them. bwahahahaha.

I'm not sure what to bring. A book and some sewing maybe.

And I guess I can talk about work? Sorta. Probably better just not speak at all unless I get in the mood to offend They find EVERYTHING about me offensive. I dress funny and walk funny and talk weird and have stupid annoying hobbies and don't care what they think....

It will be a trial. But I get to play pool with my dad and I hope to score some leftovers if anything they have is edible. I texted my dad and hope to see a menu soon.

 

[Dace]

Abi, I just wanted to tell you that you are awesome

 

[abifae]

Abi, I just wanted to tell you that you are awesome

Thank you hehehe. Did I do something specific?

*radiates awesomeness*

 

[Dace]

No, you are just awesome

Heheheeeee.....I love the way you are so open and helpful to others.
I also love TED talks.....I've seen the starving cancer one....fascinating!
Gotta watch the school one you posted.

Anyway, just thought I'd tell you how much I love you

 

[abifae]

I lubs you too Dace!! You're great

 

[savingdogs]

I cooked a turkey tonight and used your idea from my thread, I made it into tonights dinner, six lunches, lots and lots of stock and some sliced lunchmeat, turkey leg munchies, as well as one entire duplicate dinner from tonight and some cat food and chicken scraps. Not bad out of one turkey, two packages of stuffing, some celery and half an onion!

Now I need more containers! But thanks for the awesome idea.

 

[abifae]

I cooked a turkey tonight and used your idea from my thread, I made it into tonights dinner, six lunches, lots and lots of stock and some sliced lunchmeat, turkey leg munchies, as well as one entire duplicate dinner from tonight and some cat food and chicken scraps. Not bad out of one turkey, two packages of stuffing, some celery and half an onion!

Now I need more containers! But thanks for the awesome idea.

Hoorah!! Glad it helped!

I buy tons of those Glad containers lol. Between those and freezer bags... I only buy Ziploc for freezer bags. Others leak and tear.

I'm watching His Girl Friday. It's pretty funny.