Dealing with MIL during FIL ALZ

[CrealCritter]

Just got back from moving and piling up some of the tree. When I walked up in the driveway I was smiling ear to ear. One of my sons was already out there cutting up some of the bigger chunks so we could move them.

I went in and talked to my MIL. The first thing I said is Are your feelings hurt? She said God No, did you look at that stump and how rotten it was? I told her I knocked around it with my pocket knife and it scared me and that's when I said its coming down ASAP before it falls on the house. She then thanked me and told me that if it wasn't for her there wouldn't be a tree on the place because my FIL would have cut them all down.

She had a old steel chow bell that was on a pole that she thought was stolen. But my buddy moved and didn't put back since its old and quite expensive he didn't want to break it accidentally. I found where he put it up by the house and I put it back on the pole and she was happy. My standards aren't that high for friends but I don't make friends with thief's.

Anyways I stopped at our Amish friends and made plans to bring them many loads of firewood starting Friday morning. Looks like I'll be getting some goat milk, pies and bread also. That's what i call a Win Win all the way around. I hate to see anything go to waste, I'm just glad I found a home for the firewood on such short notice. All those Amish kids are so cute and always smiling. It makes me happy just seeing them smile.

Then my neighbor came over and asked me if i would tend to his place and horses for a month while his is deployed to Germany (he's in the Army) - yep no problem, he then gave me all the keys to the house, barn, tractor, side by side. Its just another day in the country, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love being a country bumpkin'

 

[CrealCritter]

All your replies and shooting straight are so appreciated.

Today my wife finally did talk with her mom about selling the place and moving into town or assisted living. Her desire is to stay there until my father in law dies then she will talk about it. She is quite a bit younger than my FIL, she married him when she was 14. They have been together a long long time that's got to say something, right there doesn't it? On the other hand I'm quite a bit younger than my wife, strange how that works...

 

[CrealCritter]

I've been voluntold that I need to build a wheel chair ramp up to the front porch of my MIL/FIL house next weekend. My FIL falls on average 3 times a day and my MIL has bad knees also.

I'm going to build a low incline, less than 15 degrees and 4' wide. With hand rails on both sides. I'm also going to leave the existing walkway and steps in place. So you can either use the ramp or the steps. Any insight on wheelchair ramps would be greatly appreciated. I've never built a wheel char ramp before.

Thanks

 

[Lazy Gardener]

Standard ADA slope is 1" rise per foot of length. 5' is standard space allotment for turn around of w/c.

here's a bit of information for you:

https://www.lowes.com/projects/build-and-remodel/build-a-wheelchair-ramp/project

 

[Mini Horses]

voluntold

Love that "word"....is It in Webster's? Should be!

Do they have a motorized chair?

When mom was here, she began with being able to use steps, progressed to walker, then to chair. My son built a lift that I had at end of my porch. It was a tall framed box, with another that fit within, which had a floor and all was raised with a lift device from TSC that was electric & had a brake, so would hold at stop point. Little ramp outside, rolled chair into elevator, pushed button, lifted to level of porch, rolled chair off onto porch. Reverse to go out.

Think mini elevator. All bolted together, maybe 4 or 5 ft square, about 12' tall. Worked like a charm. He's a framer/carpenter, used to precise measure & board strength issues. So are you. For us it was easier than a ramp. Just a thought.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

You might consider using something to improve traction. Wood ramps get slippery when wet.

 

[CrealCritter]

You might consider using something to improve traction. Wood ramps get slippery when wet.

That is my #1 concern. I'm going to talk to the folks at the lumber yard contractor desk. We live in southern IL ice, snow and lots of rain are normal.

 

[sumi]

Though he was very strong in his upper body, my dad needed ramps with a gradual and gentle incline to manage. Also keep in mind wheelchairs tip over backwards easily, when thinking about the incline. Slippery when icy and wet, yes, that is a big one!

 

[baymule]

Depending on the length of the incline, you might need a square flat landing, either to make a turn or just a "slow down" place.

 

[CrealCritter]

Well I finished the ramp 12' long 5 degrees up to a 4'x4' landing then 8' long 5 degrees up the the porch.

This was an extremely difficult project... Not building the dern ramp, that was easy. But it rained like everyday for 3 weeks. And my mother is n law got me so angry.

I had to remember to bring everything I needed and of course, I don't run a construction business, don't have a camper shell on my truck, so I refused to load up my tools when there was rain forecast. Not only that, I always seemed to forget a tool or two.

I built the ramp to take apart easily with construction screws and bolts, there's not a single nail in it.

Yesterday I was beating a 8" long 5/8 bolt to tie into the porch with a 2x4 because I forgot to bring a hammer with me. After about 5 minutes of beating, my mother in law comes out of the house and starts laughing at me. She said what are you doing? Your shaking the house, why don't you get a hammer? I said I forgot to bring one. She said why don't you go out to the barn and get one? I said have you even been in the barn lately, there ain't much left in there. Then I said what happened to all the tools? She then said, I told Gary (her son) to take what he wanted out of the barn and I would give the rest to you guys. You know that made me even mader than trying to beat a 8" 5/8 bolt through a 4x4 and two 2x6's with a length of 2x4. Then I said "yeah? that was not a smart idea now was it? You want all this work done on the house and you don't even have the basic of tools around here anymore. I have to treat this job and everything else you want done as a contract job and bring every damn thing with me to do the job, even screws because pa's huge stash of construction screws are gone too. I'm not a contractor and I don't even have a camper shell on my truck, to ditch my tools in should it rain. You want to know why this is taking so long? Because you have no tools here. You don't even have tools to do routine maintenance, let alone new work, **** you don't even have an damn extension cord. My mother in law's jar dropped, her face turn red and she stormed back into the house. Now granted I have always bit my tongue and tried to be nice to my in laws, and this is the first time in 34 years since I married her daughter that I told her what I thought no holds bar and it pissed her off to no end! Thats just to damn bad...

You'll notice to black strips on the landing. That's some crap 80 grit self stick sand paper that her son ordered. He ordered 2 rolls, enough to place it every so often on the ramp. Well the made that decision with out me. I had talked to my mother in law about what to do from non-slip on the ramp. You know rain and snow and ice will make it dangerous to walk on without slipping. We had agreed on water proof indoor outdoor carpeting with a rubber backing. It only cost .39 a yard so for less the $15.00 I could cover the entire ramp. My FIL has acwalker with skies on the front and he drags his feet when he walks. So it seemed like the best solution. I even built in drainage and spaces where I could tuck the ends in, so there was no trip hazard and being the carpet being so short it could easily be shoveled to remove snow and heck you could even salt it to melt ice. To top it off, She has someone put this sand paper tape on the stair treads. They have two sets of stairs around back and the front porch stairs. So yep you guessed it... Those two stips are all that's left out of those two rolls. I put them on so someone won't cover the drainage slits I put in.

My wife said well I guess we'll have to buy some more tape hu? I said no, she can buy more tape and have someone else install it. She changed her mind and didn't even tell me. I'm done with the ramp and for all I care she can set it in fire if she don't like it.

I paid for the materials, I built the ramp, I donated my time, I used my owe tools, my own gas and truck. I'm done with it and I ain't doing one more ounce of work to it. My Mother in law has done and gone pissed me off!!!

I told my wife, if I get in bad shape like your dad, don't you dare give away any if my tools that would be like the stupidest thing you could do.

Sorry for the rant, it"s not your problem - its mine, but it just makes me do angry. I was voluntold this was my to do. No problem, I can do it, glad to help but don't go making my life difficult because of it and then piss me off to boot