foster parenting

[FarmerChick]

yea it took me 6 years of trying....and at 43 I got PG.....so now I am 47 with a 3 1/2 year old...LOL---my one and only!

you are so right....people are painfully aware of their options...but it is so personal in the family, that you just can't assume anything about anyone. We sure were not ready for foster kids or adopting or anything....every couple has their long period of trying for their own, then you have to accept it what happens, etc. Not a fast process actually.

I know. It is rough!

 

[ByHisGrace]

Well, I am one of those people who knows both sides of it. I was married and trying to have a baby for 4 years when my husband and I decided to adopt (after trying fertility treatments). I cried out to God, literally, and asked Him why so many people could have babies every day and not care about them or neglect them... and all I wanted in the world was a child to love and raise, but couldn't have one. I felt strongly impressed that God's plan was to provide loving homes where parents could not conceive, and therefore they appreciate the value of children maybe a little more than your average parent, to fill a need in our world. They need extraordinary love, and we have over-flowing love to give. It's a beautiful picture of God's grace. I checked into adopting a newborn, and the cost was outrageous. I wasn't discouraged until I called a place who told me they would give me a "discount" if I would "take a bi-racial" child. We would have happily welcomed a bi-racial child, but the term "discount" made me feel sick. We began to complete our paperwork to become adoptive parents when we found out about twin babies who had special needs and needed a foster family. DHS was about to split them up into separate homes because they could not find a home that would take both of them. We asked if we could take them, and in two months became foster parents. We did eventually have foster children that we had to give back, which broke our hearts. But I strongly believe that there is a purpose in everything beyond what we can see with human eyes. It hurt, but we recovered. When our 4th adoption was final we decided to take some time off from foster parenting. My youngest was 3. In 2008 he turned 5 and my husband and I began discussing foster parenting again. We had to get a license again, because ours had expired. We planned to attend classes on November 17th to begin the process. I found out on November 2nd that I was pregnant. My first pregnancy ever, after 4 adoptions and 13 years of marriage. And now I have 5... and I want more children whether they come to us by birth or adoption. The reality is that no child really belongs to us. Unfortunately even those born to us can be taken away by disease or illness. Every child is a precious gift, and I love each of my children just as much as the next.

I hope that anyone who reads this does not get the impression that I am being self-righteous or anything. I just feel that our journey may inspire someone, somewhere, and it is worth sharing. It was an uphill struggle many times to reconcile our feelings about what was going on. Being foster parents gives you an incredible feeling of having no control. But I know it is worth it to me and my family. And we never gave up hope of having a biological child. And eventually the desires of my heart were fulfilled.

 

[the simple life]

I became a guardian to a child a few years ago.
He came to me through my other children. He is a friend of my kids and I knew things were not right at home, he tried to hide it but too many things were apparent.
He would not show up at school and the kids would call me and tell me that he isn't there and to check on him.
I would drive over there and ask him if he wanted a ride and he would be all out of sorts.
I finally got the story one day when I went over there and demanded to know why he wasn't in school again, her car was in the driveway so why didn't she drive him if he missed the bus?
He is very upset and tells me to go wait in the car and he will meet me across the street, he was afraid we would wake her up.
So the story finally comes out. He misses school because he is so tired he can't get up and when he does the bus is gone and she won't drive him.
So why is he too tired to get up?
Well she comes home at 1:00 a.m. from her shift as a psychiatric nurse and gets hammered and wakes him up to yell at him and tell him what a piece of garbage he is and she wishes he was never born and wouldn't let him go back to sleep.
Sometimes she would make him get up and clean the house until 4:00 a.m. until she finally passed out.
So one day I get a phone call and he is on his sidewalk with nothing but a back pack full of clothes and he said he had nowhere to go.
Now this woman never raised him to begin with. She got pregnant at 27 by her husband and he left her while she was still pregnant and he was not a part of his life.
So she was no kid when this happened and she was a nurse. You would think she would be stable enough to raise him, but she dumped him on her parents until he was 7, took him back and then gave him back again.
Then she remarried and this guy took her son back and the guy abused the boy until the police were involved and he ended up back at the grandparents.
This guy is also a special needs teacher. How scary is that?
So she eventually divorces the guy to appease the courts and children's services but still dates him
and she takes the boy back.
Bad situation, by now the grandparents are very old and can no longer take care of him.
The ex husband/boyfriend comes back into the picture and tells her its the boy or him because he is legally not allowed in the same house as her son due to the physical abuse.
Who do you think she chose?
So this is where I find this child, sitting on the curb with all his worldly possessions in a backpack trying to not let me see him cry.
Pretty tough to take.
I took him home and that was that.
His mother never called me or him, never asked if he needed anything , nothing.
Eventually I have to go to court for legal guardianship because I couldn't even take him to the doctor, which he needed badly by the way for a broken disc in his back, or even legally sign school papers.
She showed up in court and said, yeah she can have him, I never should have had kids, I should have had an abortion.
By the way, she told him this all the time while he was growing up and yelled it at him from the doorway when we picked him up on the sidewalk that day.
So long story short, he is a wonderful soul, I am grateful he is in my life, he never ever leaves the house or hangs up the phone without saying I love you.
He had been doing horribly in school when I got him and he completely turned around, made all the varsity teams had lots of friends and I cried myself sick at his graduation ceremony.
When the seniors graduate from the basketball team they have a ceremony and they call out the names of the people who have made the most difference in their lives, that person walks down to the court and the young man pins a flower on you.
There are parents, coaches, school counselors, relatives etc. there and they can choose whoever made the most difference to them.
I heard my husband and I called my legs felt like jelly and when I got down to the court he pinned the flower on me and gave me the biggest hug and then turned to my husband and they gave eachother the biggest bear hug. They are both over 6 feet tall and it was quite a site to see these two tough guys hugging with tears in their eyes.
You take it for granted sometimes that you shape the life of your own kids and you make a difference in their lives, thats a given. But when you do it for another child its a different thing.
I tell you all this because its worth it to help a child if you can.
Even though I didn't actively go out and try to foster a child he came to me, I guess we found each other or maybe divine intervention.
I did what I was suppose to do in that situation, what I was meant to do.
I don't know where he would be right now if I hadn't been able to help him. I can tell you for sure it wouldn't be good.
So I give alot of credit to people who go through all the steps it takes to be a foster parent and to really help these kids. It can make all the difference in the world where these kids end up.
My hats off to you for doing it again and again.

 

[ByHisGrace]

Awesome story Natalie! I love it!

 

[me&thegals]

I've got goosebumps and tears. I am so glad for you all that you found each other!!!

 

[Beekissed]

The reality is that no child really belongs to us

This is my belief, as well. I never really felt that my children "belonged" to me. I know I could, and would, love any child that was put in my care with all my heart. I 've always been very embarassed when people complimented my children's behavior and their sweet natures.

Yes, I had a hand in their shaping but I never felt right about bragging about it.....I give God the credit for these wonderful human beings. I am merely His babysitter and am honored to have been entrusted with the job. Beyond that? The children are His to give or take away, so I've always been prepared to accept it either way. I know that sounds weird and I can't really explain how I came to feel that way, but I do.

I tell you all this because its worth it to help a child if you can.

This sort of sums it up. Be it my own child, or someone else's, they are all God's children and need love and care~ and the feeling that someone would put their own feelings aside long enough to see that they get it.

 

[me&thegals]

Well, we missed the foster training last fall because my husband was out of town and we didn't find out about the training until too late. But... there's a new training scheduled for 3 weekends in March/April!! So, the paperwork is in and it looks like we are about to jump into this whole new adventure called foster care!

For anybody who has done this, did you feel completely unready? You know the saying, "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak?" That's how I feel. I'm trusting it will be okay and that we will learn all we need to learn, but yikes! What a huge responsibility!

me&thegals

 

[miss_thenorth]

We just got the ball rolling for this. Our classes won't start until fall. This is something that I have always wanted to do, and we are finally at a place where we are ready. My kids--11 and almost 13 are on board and a little excited/anxious. We will not accept children older than our kids . I am not too nervous about the home study. We don't have anything to hide, and we have a 6 bedroom house. My passion/interests have always been child related, so this just seems like a natural progression for us. I am looking forward to it!

 

[PamsPride]

Keep us updated!! I have been trying to talk DH into this for years so I will live vicariously through you two!

 

[farmerlor]

Well, we missed the foster training last fall because my husband was out of town and we didn't find out about the training until too late. But... there's a new training scheduled for 3 weekends in March/April!! So, the paperwork is in and it looks like we are about to jump into this whole new adventure called foster care!

For anybody who has done this, did you feel completely unready? You know the saying, "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak?" That's how I feel. I'm trusting it will be okay and that we will learn all we need to learn, but yikes! What a huge responsibility!

me&thegals

When we started fostering I felt completely ready, completely prepared. After all, I'd been doing the parenting gig for almost 20 years by the time we started fostering. I had one who was grown and doing well so I felt like I had the whole thing well in hand. How hard could it be? A kid is a kid is a kid.....Yeah, I was totally unprepared. I had so many preconceived notions that it wasn't funny. You get these kids and you expect that they've at least been handled by humans but some of these kids were raised by wolves and they don't know the first thing about anything at all! Didn't take me long to change my requirements and soon we were getting only the sickest babies that other foster parents were afraid to take. That was my niche and I loved it. Were it not for the fact that that particular niche means you end up adopting all your babies I'd still be doing it.