glenolam's madness - April passed away

[glenolam]

What's really funny is that I'm a big advocator of them being 'just a goat' or our cows being 'just a cow'. I'm not rude or insensitive, I just know how hard it is loosing a pet. Heck, I cried for weeks when my hamster died....I was 21. I was just so certain that if I acted as if I loved them but still thought of them as "farm animals" I'd be ok in the case of a crisis.

After everyone left last night Big G was laying on the couch so I just cuddled up to him and cried my eyes out. I asked him why I was so upset - our neighbors were telling me on Saturday about all the kids and does they've lost in the past few months (they've lost 3 kids and 2 does, but they have a bigger operation with about 14 breeding does and 2 bucks) and it didn't seem to phase them as much. They were sorry about it and felt badly about the deaths; it's not like just tossed the dead aside, mind you. Maybe they didn't seem as upset because time had gone by, but here I was acting like I had lost my best friend and they were telling me the horror story of finding a 3 day old under chicken wire dead because it got stuck and didn't seem to bat an eye.

He told me that even though I try to be a hard egg and think of these animals as just that, I still get attached - it's just how I am. I put so much time and energy into them that when something goes wrong I just feel bad. I know it's not my fault and sometimes there's little or nothing you can do, but I still get attached.

Darn it. So I had to change the title. Each time I'd check out the journal section and see my title I'd tear up.

Darn it.

I just take deep breaths and move forward.

 

[savingdogs]

Don't let anyone minimize your loss, or say it was "just a goat." No one understands how close you become to your animals, it is different with every person and every animal. But many, many people would understand how you feel. Me, for one.

 

[glenolam]

I'm not worried about anyone minimizing my loss...heck...I'm trying to do just that and it's not working.

It just shocked me because I honestly thought that even though I knew I cared a lot about them I could switch on the "a goat is just a goat" attitude and take this in stride. I've surprised myself is all and I'm realizing that maybe it's my attitude that needs to change and I need to realize how much I actually do love them and just be open about it.

 

[Henrietta23]

 

[Damummis]

It is Ok to cry. I know, I did it all weekend too. It shows you have heart. You are a kindred spirit.

 

[rebecca100]

Don't feel bad about crying. I cried for days over Momma goat. I had waited so long to get her, and then I absolutely fell in love with her once I did get her. Then I sat with her in labor not realizing something was wrong until it was too late. I lost her and 3 of the most beautiful spotted Nubian babies I had ever seen because I waited too long to act. I cried my eyes out all night and the next day. Then I swore off goats all together. Then I went into a depression that only the beautiful baby lamb and sheep dh got me has helped. It was just like losing a loving friend. I still tear up when I think that my ignorance caused her to die. I guess it is all part of having animals.

 

[glenolam]

Rebecca I'm really sorry for you, too.

Things are much better today. Time definitely helps - and, sad to say, the fact that I don't have her baby to care for is helping me move past last weekend and put my focus on the goats I do have. I think if I had to take care of Cara's buckling it would drag on the heartache some.

little g and I went to see Nilly's (Vanilla's) baby. Dang she is so cute. Nilly is being such a great mother neither me nor the girl down the road can believe this was her first freshening. I told the girl down the road how good a mother Eloise was to Cara and Nilly so part of me wasn't surprised; that trait must have passed on. It's sad I didn't get to see how good a mother Cara would have been but I'm so relieved that Nilly is doing well and how much she spoils this little doeling. The entire time we were visiting Nilly was licking that little doe to peices, cleaning her bum off, licking the umbilical cord, resting her head on top of the doelings head - it was really precious. Made my day.

And my little nigerian buck, Jack who's the dad....MAN. He throws some color! You all saw Opi's little multi colored buckling, well this doeling doesn't have patches or anything but she's got a dark brown dorsal stripe (comes from Nilly and Eloise), a gray undertone with lighter brown fur on top, dark brown ears, a white moon spot on her head and white socks. She's also got the most amazing green-blue eyes - something we never expected to see from a white mother and a white father.

I told her she could use Jack to breed back to Nilly or some of her other nigerians if she wanted and she really thinks she wants to because of the color he's tossing out there.

So...now we work on moving forward more. I've got another craft show on Saturday and on Sunday a woman wants to come and take Fudgie's girls home. I was going to keep Hash, the white eared doeling, but since Cara's vet bill has to be paid somehow I decided to have them both go together. It'd be hard for Rocky to be taken away from both her mother and sister so it's the best choice all around.

I have the incubator warming up again and I got in my new better digitial thermometer that also measures the humidity. I have about 30 eggs to put in there (thanks aggieterpkatie!) and plan on popping them in tonight. Let's just hope for success this time!

 

[aggieterpkatie]

Sounds like things are looking up. It's nice to hear Nilly is such a great mom! I also was thinking about keeping my little doeling, but with both vet calls this year, I think I will sell her to try to recoup some money. Good luck with your craft show on Saturday!

And I'm glad you got the eggs! Did they all make it unharmed?

 

[glenolam]

Completely unharmed! You did a fanstasic job and I was able to save all that tissue paper! What'd you do, buy a pack of 80 sheets and use them all?!?!?

Did you get the soap?

 

[aggieterpkatie]

Completely unharmed! You did a fanstasic job and I was able to save all that tissue paper! What'd you do, buy a pack of 80 sheets and use them all?!?!?

Did you get the soap?

Girl, you have no idea how much tissue paper I have at my house. I wanted Martha Stewart pom poms for my wedding, so I ordered three colors of tissue paper, and I had to buy it in bulk. I've got enough tissue paper to last me for life probably.