I don't know if this directly relates to this forum, but this is where I ended up, so maybe it will work.
Last night I was talking to my daughter (getting her Masters in family therapy) about some of the deeper things I explored about myself after my divorce six years ago. She told me that when I moved back here, she didn't really really recognize me, that I was pretty much a zombie, with no joy, no energy, and no direction. I remember sometimes looking around and wondering how I ended up in Target or at the grocery store. No recollection of getting there, just wandering around with an empty cart.
She says that only now, since I have really thrown myself into trying to become more self-sufficient, has she seen the old Mom, the one with the passion and the love of life and the creativity. She says that the determination to "make it", and the resulting accomplishments have lifted that pesky depression after six very long years.
I know that I talk a lot about myself on this forum, and I know that there are a few people that I rub the wrong way. I am sorry for that, I really am. But truth be told, the talk I do is more out of astonishment that I am actually able to function again, not about bragging or being annoying -- although those things do seem to be there unwittingly.
You know, when my daughter was growing up, and on in to her early 20's, before I moved to the beach, when we would have our first real rainstorm here in this reclaimed desert, I had the tradition of making a big pot of beef stew to celebrate. Little things like that have sort of faded into oblivion the past decade or so, during the marriage and after, as I lost myself bit by bit. But today, with the promise of perhaps a week of rain, I was almost propelled into the kitchen to cut up some stew meat, potatoes, carrots, and rehydrate some other things to throw together a big pot of stew as a surprise for my daughter. It feels good -- it feels like I am home.
And of course, because of the breadmachine thread, I dug mine out of the garage and it's sitting there making a honey whole wheat loaf to go along with the stew.
This is a good day. Even though the clouds are heavy, it feels like sunshine.
Last night I was talking to my daughter (getting her Masters in family therapy) about some of the deeper things I explored about myself after my divorce six years ago. She told me that when I moved back here, she didn't really really recognize me, that I was pretty much a zombie, with no joy, no energy, and no direction. I remember sometimes looking around and wondering how I ended up in Target or at the grocery store. No recollection of getting there, just wandering around with an empty cart.
She says that only now, since I have really thrown myself into trying to become more self-sufficient, has she seen the old Mom, the one with the passion and the love of life and the creativity. She says that the determination to "make it", and the resulting accomplishments have lifted that pesky depression after six very long years.
I know that I talk a lot about myself on this forum, and I know that there are a few people that I rub the wrong way. I am sorry for that, I really am. But truth be told, the talk I do is more out of astonishment that I am actually able to function again, not about bragging or being annoying -- although those things do seem to be there unwittingly.
You know, when my daughter was growing up, and on in to her early 20's, before I moved to the beach, when we would have our first real rainstorm here in this reclaimed desert, I had the tradition of making a big pot of beef stew to celebrate. Little things like that have sort of faded into oblivion the past decade or so, during the marriage and after, as I lost myself bit by bit. But today, with the promise of perhaps a week of rain, I was almost propelled into the kitchen to cut up some stew meat, potatoes, carrots, and rehydrate some other things to throw together a big pot of stew as a surprise for my daughter. It feels good -- it feels like I am home.
And of course, because of the breadmachine thread, I dug mine out of the garage and it's sitting there making a honey whole wheat loaf to go along with the stew.
This is a good day. Even though the clouds are heavy, it feels like sunshine.
That makes me want to dance!
