How do you make husbands grow up? (no offense to already grown up ones

[Cassandra]

...but if you are a non-grown-up husband, shame on you!

My husband is severely maturity challenged. Just the other day I found out he's been sneaking around smoking




Yes. Like a 14 year old.

My biggest aggravation is that he has no aspirations whatsoever. When asked if he has any goals in life, he doesn't know and doesn't care.

I have my life planned out into old age and death. So, as you can imagine, he makes it very hard for me to make plans that include him.

Most infuriating of all is he wants to spend all of his spare time playing video games and all his spare money BUYING video games. He is a 38 year old pre-schooler.

(sigh)

Cassandra --->

 

[MorelCabin]

Question number 1...are you actually married to this guy? I will make no further comment until I know:>)

 

[Cassandra]

Yes, ma'am! Ten years now!

Cassandra

 

[MorelCabin]

Oh boy, so you're in it for the long haul...we do marry our opposites don't we:>)

 

[keljonma]

Some people never grow up, no matter their gender. Their behavior can make those of us who are responsible adults angry, sad, hurt and conflicted. You probably know all this if you have already been together for 10 years.

My suggestions, FWIW, is to sit down and talk about how each of you are feeling. Try to find out why he feels the need to hide stuff from you. [I'm allergic to cigarettes and can become nauseous and break out in hives when I am around smokers. So for me that is a big issue.] Decide what issues and values are really important for you as a couple. Write them down and post them where you can both see them. If money is the issue, try to discuss in a rational manner how you would rather see your money spent. (i.e. If we did not spend $500 this year, and saved it instead we could ..... .) Of course, both of you need to be willing to have the conversion and take it seriously.

I think God must have brought you two together for a reason, Cassandra. It looks to me like you are there to help bring out the grownup in him and he is there to bring out the kid in you.

 

[MorelCabin]

Some people never grow up, no matter their gender. Their behavior can make those of us who are responsible adults angry, sad, hurt and conflicted. You probably know all this if you have already been together for 10 years.

My suggestions, FWIW, is to sit down and talk about how each of you are feeling. Try to find out why he feels the need to hide stuff from you. [I'm allergic to cigarettes and can become nauseous and break out in hives when I am around smokers. So for me that is a big issue.] Decide what issues and values are really important for you as a couple. Write them down and post them where you can both see them. If money is the issue, try to discuss in a rational manner how you would rather see your money spent. (i.e. If we did not spend $500 this year, and saved it instead we could ..... .) Of course, both of you need to be willing to have the conversion and take it seriously.

I think God must have brought you two together for a reason, Cassandra. It looks to me like you are there to help bring out the grownup in him and he is there to bring out the kid in you.

Awesome advice Keljonma...and your right about what you said in your last paragraph

 

[FarmerChick]

LOL-LOL

I can't help but laugh that he is hiding smoking like a kid would do......is he scared of you???? HA HA HA

but honestly, guys have more KID in them then us ladies do as we age. We ladies seem to tackle the real hard situations in life, like finances, etc. in our homes. Not all but alot. Men get that chance to have that burden off them....they can do more kid things and not feel that impulse to be more in control of our future and our lives.

I don't know....LOL....just whack him up the side of his head with a frying pan. Might change his attitude a little....LOL.

Have a chat, if it works then great, if not, just include him in all your future plans, it sounds like he will come along for the ride with you no matter what you decide.

Tony lets me plan it all....lol...I don't bother asking him anymore. I get grunts, uh huhs, and shrugs and nods....never a real conversation. Doesn't bother me anymore. What is, is......

I know Cassandra...

 

[poppycat]

Ha Ha Ha! I'm glad I'm not the only one.

 

[Woodland Woman]

Do you ever force him to be responsible? I mean not doing things or fixing things or making things right when he messes up. I know with teenagers sometimes they need to feel the consequences of their actions or inactions. I always like to fix everything but I've realized as hard as it is I need to step back and let certain members of my family deal with their consequences.

 

[Dace]

I think keljonma hit the nail on the head...you two are together for a reason. You are probably quite responsible and practical and NEED him to remind you to make time to stop and play....probably not what you wanted to hear but a good perspective if you want to stay married!