Kids or No Kids? How did you know?

[abifae]

Wannabe, I grew up in the Shadowlands... lol

 

[Wannabefree]

Wannabe, I grew up in the Shadowlands... lol

The who?

I grew up in a weird household, one parent perpetually drunk the other forced into being a workaholic. I know nothing of these "shadowlands" ye speaketh of my dear sister Abi I dunno what you'd call where I grew up?!

 

[Wifezilla]

The Shadowlands. Abi's world for inside her mentally interesting brain. Autism and other assorted brain cooties kind of lock you inside your own head.

 

[Wannabefree]

The Shadowlands. Abi's world for inside her mentally interesting brain. Autism and other assorted brain cooties kind of lock you inside your own head.

Ah, I was kind of like that as a kid. Loner, quiet, non social...I think I may have outgrown it though

 

[Farmfresh]

lwheelr I commend you! You have said it all.

 

[dragonlaurel]

This is one of those mornings when I'm repeatedly saying, "I love my children, I love my children, I love my children...." because i really wish I WAS STILL IN BED RIGHT NOW.

Honestly, that's the ONE thing about parenting NO ONE tells you before you have kids - no good sleeping for 18 years!! Really!


I do have a question, thought - as people going for and SS life style, why doesn't anyone look at an SS way of raising kids? Everyone points out the expenses, time, etc - we find ways to save $ every where we can - why not with kids, too????

For those who CAN do it, homebirth is an option - and less costly than a hospital stay! so is using a midwife.

Cloth diapers - although the thought of them are gross - are cost effective compared to disposable. Wipes do not have to be disposable either (which I'm learning) but can be old washclothes, towels, sheets, etc cut up to use on bottoms. We've been using wash clothes on baby boy for the last two weeks - only because i kept forgetting to pick up wipes. Now I don't think I'm going to!

We only take our kids to the Dr. when it's medically necessary - i.e. I can't treat it at home (and we no longer immunize - the schools hate me)

We shop thrift stores, yard sales, and good will, and clearance racks for clothes. although it took me YEARS to be OK with this! Why? because I was the oldest of 3 children to a single mom who never had the money to buy us new and we always wore someone else's handmedowns or goodwill clothes. It's embarrassing to go to school and another kid says, LOUDLY, hey, that used to be my shirt! For the first 5 years of parenthood, I refused to let my kids wear anyone else's hand me downs - they had 100% new clothes ALL THE TIME. It's only been since I've made the decision to live more frugally have I been OK with used clothing (but i'm still really picky about what I buy for them!) I mean, shoot, with yardsales and the local Wellspring and clearance racks at retail stores, I've built up a HUGE wardrobe for Baby Girl for a grand total of about $30 - and that's from birth to 2 years! It can be done!

Food is cheap if you're growing/making your own and cooking for scratch.

School supplies get more expensive every year. Mostly because they want things that I normally wouldn't buy for the house - paper towels, napkins, shaving cream, hand sanitizer, baby wipes, dry erase markers, and once a teacher told me my son needed headphones to play games on the computer - I told her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. Basic school supplies are usually fairly easy and cheap to obtain, it's the other stuff that gets it expensive, IMO. Then there's workbook fees. There ARE homeschooling alternatives that are more cost effective though - if a parent wanted to go that route. (it wasn't for me, we did try).

There's also a few local programs - not based on income - and back to school events that hand out free school supplies to the kids. Even the school does it by having a big carnival like celebration at the beginning of the school year. Kids get plastic bags with a notebook, loose leaf paper, glue, crayons, and pencils.

I have a tote tub full of crayons, paper, notebooks, pencils, pens, etc - some are left over supplies from previous years and some are new waiting to be used supplies that I've collected up over the past school year. This is something new I've just started to do to help offset some of the costs at the beginning of the year. I need to start another tote of supplies for paper towels, napkins - you know, the consumable stuff the teachers require each year.

I've come to one conclusion to having kids - if you want them, and you're waiting until you can afford them, you'll never have them because NO ONE can ever afford them - unless your Bill Gates.

But, kids aren't as expensive as people say, not if you don't give them everything under the sun. Kids need 3 basic things: Love, food, clothing. (if you want to throw medical care in there, OK, but like i said, I treat at home unless it's something that NEEDS a doctor)

Sorry if this went a little OT, and I don't think parenting IS for everyone - but I do believe everyone who IS parenting should be HANDS ON parenting! I know a lot of parents who spoil their kids because they miss time with them by working so they feel guilty - but they are still the parents, and the kids need to know that.

I also have a SIL, whose - if I didn't already have kids - two girls would make my tubes tie themselves.

Quail - I had my tubal surgery in the 1980's. My world has changed lots since then. Back then, I thought being "self sufficient" meant I had a job. Home births, midwives and cloth diapers were kinda rare then and most people were used to disposable everything. I was already into health food and herbal medicine, for myself, but I was way ahead of the trend on that.

My family tree has some serious medical issues that could pop up easily in any kid I make. I'm healthy now, but my younger sister and I both had to go to specialists frequently as a little kid. Being on all that medication for my first 12 years is what made me avoid it later.

We were going to adopt before, but it fell through. So I turned into a great Auntie instead and had some "furry kids" too.

 

[hwillm1977]

My entire life I did NOT want children... not at all... I wanted a farm full of animals and assumed I would have absolutely no time to have a child. A child would just get in the way.

Then when I was around 30 I started considering it... I had been 'Auntie Heather' for 7 years by then, to two AMAZING little kids... and I started to wish I had a child at home with me who didn't have to leave and go back to her mom... suddenly I wanted to be 'mom' more than anything else.

Now I sit here, at 33, with my 7 month old daughter and couldn't imagine my world without her. She is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I only read the first and last pages, but lwheer's post brought tears to my eyes... I've felt overwhelming happiness in the last 7 months that I never thought I could... watching this little person grasp the collar of my shirt and snuggle into my shoulder for a nap, hearing her giggle for the first time, teaching her the wonder of different and new foods, touring the gardens together everyday and teaching her where her food is coming from, getting the first real hug, seeing her eyes light up every morning when my face appears above her crib, her first wave and knowing that she's going to start catching on to her sign language soon (she isn't deaf, we're teaching her to sign so she can communicate earlier)... everything is absolutely amazing...

And Quail is right, it's not that expensive if you are creative... furnishing and decorating the nursery cost us about $60... clothes are all yard sales or given to us, we have some up to 5 years and it's cost us about $40... toys were all given to us from friends who have older kids... we have a crib, change table, two playpens, exersaucer, bouncy chair, jolly jumper, bassinet, dresser, two toy boxes full of infant toys and we didn't pay anything for all that stuff, they are all handmedowns from friends. We use cloth diapers that we got on Ebay... it cost me $50 (the same as ONE large box of pampers) for 24 diapers and 48 liners, they have snaps and are adjustable so they will fit her until she is 2-3 years old.

Unfortunately Quail is also right about the sleep I haven't slept in past 7am in a LONG time... I'm sure that there is a switch in the sofa that wakes her up every time I sit down with a book and a cup of tea... it's like she knows when I'm taking a moment to myself, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

I don't think anyone should feel pressured to have a child though, it really isn't right for everyone... I have three aunts who never married and never had kids and they are wonderfully happy with their decisions. It's intensly personal and something that everyone needs to decide for themselves. I also think that whether you adopt, are a step parent, or have a biological child you are still 'mom'... you are that child's source of love, food, protection, and teaching, there's no more important job in the world and you don't necessarily have to be the one who birthed that child to be the one to provide it for that child.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

M And Quail is right, it's not that expensive if you are creative... furnishing and decorating the nursery cost us about $60... clothes are all yard sales or given to us, we have some up to 5 years and it's cost us about $40... toys were all given to us from friends who have older kids... we have a crib, change table, two playpens, exersaucer, bouncy chair, jolly jumper, bassinet, dresser, two toy boxes full of infant toys and we didn't pay anything for all that stuff, they are all handmedowns from friends. We use cloth diapers that we got on Ebay... it cost me $50 (the same as ONE large box of pampers) for 24 diapers and 48 liners, they have snaps and are adjustable so they will fit her until she is 2-3 years old.

You're comments here have given me an idea for another thread

 

[Farmfresh]

That whole sleeping thing is over rated.

When I had kids (starting in 1984) I stopped sleeping through the night. Everyone around me kept asking me, "Is she sleeping through the night yet?" Well the answer is STILL no. None of my three kids have EVER slept through the night. Neither did my MIL, or my BIL, or my hubby (but he has a better average than the rest of them). We finally settled for leave mom alone if possible (as they got bigger) and go back to sleep as soon as possible.

When they moved out, my health problems started and so now I am STILL up and wandering the house at night. You get used to it.

 

[lwheelr]

Most babies are capable of sleeping through the night by three months. Of course, the definition for sleeping through the night varies - I settled for "slept until 5:00 am, nursed and went back to sleep".

I had a trick for getting them to do that, started it at 3 months with the first five - when I was ready to encourage them to sleep longer I'd just not get up the first time they cried, but I would get them the second time. After two days, they'd reset their wake up time to the later time. The last two sort of did it on their own - actually, I think it was that I was so exhausted that I just didn't hear them cry the first time.

Never could get them to wake later than 6:00 in the morning though. And I am SOOO not a morning person!

I don't sleep through the night now. I have to get up to eat - sometimes twice. These babies are like having the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Trall hanging out in my abdomen always demanding MORE FOOD!