Rebecca's journal-may be time to restart this

[pinkfox]

i missed the update before my post, *hugs* honey im sorry...
it just screamed the same volumes it did when my ex said prety much the same words to me...
those words dont come from a "bored" person but a person with other things on his mind and hands...

*hugs*

agree, make sure to find out what the legal child support is...hes offered to pay half of what he makes which seems generous, but court ruling on child support could be MUCH more than that without any allimony ect...

but at the same time him paying all the bills is a big help.

moving back to be with family (even if its his family) that are supportive of you could be a very good idea but is it what YOU want, can you follow your ss dreams there? would you be able to sell both the property from your family and the 10 acre property to make enough to buy some acreage down there to continue trying to 'live the dream" as such, even if you cant do it full time with him supporting the bills even picking up a part time job would give you some cash and give you time to continue your ss work mabe?

 

[Denim Deb]

One thing to insist on, that he gets a life insurance policy that names you and the kids as beneficiaries. That way, if anything happens to him, you'd still be provided for.

I am so sorry you're going thru this. At first I was hoping it was just growing pains. After all, you 2 were married so young, and he never had the chance to experience much of what others have that are now his age. I was hoping that w/a little time apart, he'd realize what he was throwing away. Don't make any decisions on where to move in haste. Just take things one day at a time.

 

[Dawn419]

Rebecca,

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through and just wanted to give you a big !

 

[dipence71]

I am so sorry to hear all of this. But I am with the majority here and say get legal advice ASAP!!
Don't settle for what he is "offering". Get the facts and get them sooner than later. You need to be the rock for your kids, and they didn't ask their dad for this and neither did you. You are being pushed out without a second thought.
I would check out to see what the ground and repercussions of his cheating is really worth by law. You may just want it over with right now but you need to think LONG-TERM for the kids.

Sending you and the kids lots of hugs and prayers

 

[old fashioned]

After thinking more about this, a few other points came to mind. Realize that 'getting revenge' isn't going to do anyone any good, especially you & the kids. And whatever you do, don't ever talk bad or disrespect him IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. You may choke on your words when you have to say nice things about him, but you must. It's not good if they see you tearing him apart. It will only reflect badly on the kids. Whether you like it or not, he is their father and they do still love him-even if they don't say so. You have to let them figure it out for themselves to find out what a stink he is. AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.........those kids need to know that both parents still love them and this is in no way their fault.
If you need to, have someone watch the kids for you so you can have some alone time to come to grips with everything....not to mention yell, scream, call him names, throw darts at pictures or whatever. Then when you've calmed down, get the kids and have an open honest heart to heart talk with them. Even if you don't say 'nice' things about him, do NOT say anything bad either.


ETA...'revenge' is not the same thing as getting good legal advice & everything you are entitled to by law.

 

[Henrietta23]

NO decisions until speaking to a good lawyer that's for sure. And I hate to bring it up but if he has been physical with her you both could be at risk for STDs. When a friend caught her husband cheating the first thing her lawyer told her to do was insist that he get tested. I'm sorry if this is unpleasant stuff to think about but you need to be healthy for your kids.

 

[dipence71]

I agree....

Don't think revenge, ever....
Think what is legally best for your children and what is best for you, because obviously he is not and probably never will ever again.
Think long and hard before moving to the in laws because, I have been there done that, and it will eventually bite you in the arss, sooner or later.
Love them - yes, visit them -absolutely, live with them or close to them - NO WAY!!

 

[savingdogs]

You absolutely, 100 percent need your OWN lawyer, looking out for just YOU and the kids. Not shared with him.

 

[abifae]

After thinking more about this, a few other points came to mind. Realize that 'getting revenge' isn't going to do anyone any good, especially you & the kids. And whatever you do, don't ever talk bad or disrespect him IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. You may choke on your words when you have to say nice things about him, but you must. It's not good if they see you tearing him apart. It will only reflect badly on the kids. Whether you like it or not, he is their father and they do still love him-even if they don't say so. You have to let them figure it out for themselves to find out what a stink he is. AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL.........those kids need to know that both parents still love them and this is in no way their fault.
If you need to, have someone watch the kids for you so you can have some alone time to come to grips with everything....not to mention yell, scream, call him names, throw darts at pictures or whatever. Then when you've calmed down, get the kids and have an open honest heart to heart talk with them. Even if you don't say 'nice' things about him, do NOT say anything bad either.

Absolutely.

When my parents split, I was thrilled. The fact that my dad didn't let himself bad mouth my mom has always left a huge impression on me. A lot of it was her fault (she was a drug addict), but he wouldn't even let me bad mouth her. He said I could have feelings about her, and feel whatever I wanted, but that he wasn't going to have meanness about it.

The fact that my mom bad mouthed him left an equal impression about me. Even if I agreed with her, it seemed very shallow and childish.

So, definitely keep your words respectful in front of the kids. It matters.

 

[rebecca100]

It's been really hard, but I've been trying not to say anything bad about him. Now TO him is a different story.