Rebecca's journal-may be time to restart this

[rebecca100]

Sunsaver-what can I do to try to help him through this? It sounds just like what your friend went through. Am I doing the right thing by letting him have his space, but refusing to get divorced? Thank you for posting.

 

[miss_thenorth]

Like Rebbetzin said,

Do not make life changing decisions in the midst of a storm.

Let the dust settle, think carefully about the options that are before you. PRAY.

Our ways are seldom HIS ways in any situation

He is going through turmoil right now. Yes, give him his space. give him time to figure out what he wants/needs. Pray for him and for your family. I understand what he has put you through, and I am by no means justifiying what he did, or what he was about to do, but he is also suffering. He needs to sort things out. Your marriage is in crisi right now, but it is not necessarily over. Give him his space, but rimend him that he is still married. If, after time, he decided he wants out, give him his divorce. Now might be the time to suggest marriage counselling again.

 

[tortoise]

Divorces have nothing to do about "heart" they are all about legality.

He's offering you a heck of a custody, child support, and alimony deal! Take it!

If you stay and things go badly, you will loose this offer.

If you continue to work on the relationship, a divorce can be overturned with no record within 6 months of the divorce. (Depending on your state)

A divorce protects you legally and financially.

A divorce is not the end of a relationship. My ex and I never had a healthy relationship. But we have a common interest - my son - and life is generally civil. Like I needed a signature for out-of-USA travel plans. We met and had lunch and it was no big deal. Like meeting up with an old friend you don't want to invite into your new life. You have kids, therefore divorce WILL NOT end your relationship.

Protect your kids legally/financially with divorce. You are not required to change living arrangements. Divorced couples DO stay and live together. Your kids don't have to know the legalities. Really you could do this without them knowing at all!

 

[pinkfox]

unfortunatly im not as big a person as you...
he cheated, mabe not physically but he had an emotional affair...

will he ever do it again? mabe, mabe not...
will this all work out? mabe, mabe not...

but the fact remains things whent south and instead of sitting you down and talking to you about what was going on and trying to find a solution he whent behind your back...
kept secrets, lied to your face...

i cannot be in an unhappy relationship...took me 5 yrs to figure that one out...
and i could NEVER be in a relationship in which i didnt trust my partner 100%...
and after the likes of this (been there done that) i PERSONALLY couldnt ever trust him again.

but again thats ME...
if you can work through this, heal, and trust him again then more power to you...
but protect yourself and more importantly protect the kids...

are you sure that his breakdown was because of remorse or because he realized how much hes going to have to give to get out of the relaitonship?!
if theres any thought in your mind that its the latter...any doubt in your mind that youll be able to trust him..then listen to that...

untill then, you need ot do whats right for you and the kids and i do not only wish you luck and hope, but hugs whichever way this goes.

 

[MorelCabin]

I went through something like this myself about 5 years ago...and yes, i am a very strong Christian woman, have a faith that really helped me get through it.

I ran into my childhood sweetheart. The man I had wanted to be with since I was 5 years old. the man I dreamed of when i went to bed for years after i married. Well we spent the weekend together. As much as I wanted to i couldn't bring myself to sleep with him either because I am married...and up until that point I was very happily married. One weekend turned my whole life upside down fr 6 months. i didn't now what I wanted anymore...the childhood sweetheart offered me all my dreams...to be with him...
I went home and told dh exactly what your hubby just told you...i'm bored, not happy, don't want to be here anymore....right out of the blue...
Hubby just sat back and let me talk...told me he couldn't stop me from doing anything, and couldn't hold on to something that didn't want to be there. But he told me he LOVED ME! That I was his life...that we were a family.
Brought me back to reality...brought me back to my senses
For a few weeks I was in a daze...prayed every morning for the Lord to just help me put one foot in front of the other and stay with my family...that was where i belonged, and I knew it...but I was being PULLED so strongly the other way. It was horrible.
bt hubby just stayed strong and let me go through the turmoil, knowing that I had not had an affair as of yet, so we were still pretty solid. he was scared, i was scared...
But we got thru it and today we are much much stronger as a couple for it.
So Rebecka...you just stick by your man...I will be praying for you both. And let him read this...maybe he just needs to know that he is being severely tried and he just has to keep doing the right thing for you all right now. One foot in front of the other...and you will both be so strong afterward!

All my love in Christ,
Tammy


edited to add...i don't dream of my childhood seetheart anymore...i am SOOOOO over that! And SOOOOOO in love with my husband

 

[Denim Deb]

Rebecca, I don't have any advice to offer. All I can do is pray. You have been on my mind off and on all day. I kept wondering how you were doing, how you were handling this, etc.

Have you ever seen those tube thingys that are kind of squishy that are almost impossible to hold onto if you grip them tightly? But, if you hold them loosely, you have no problem holding onto them. That's kind of the situation you're in right now. I think you need to give him some space-but still hold on. Offer to pray w/him and for him-but don't sleep w/him. Don't let him live in the house for now. Don't do any laundry, cooking, etc for him. Let him get a taste of what life would be like w/out you and the kids. While I've never had this experience myself, I have heard of others who have. And, in most cases, the marriage becomes stronger.

 

[Bubblingbrooks]

I would like to offer this.
Pray like never before.
And pray for yourself, for God to reveal to you ways that you can become more lovely in both God's and your husbands sight.
Strive to teach your children to honor their father, regardless of his actions.
Love him through and through.
We do not live by the worlds code. We live by a higher power. All things are possible in HIM.

I would be willing with the other members of like mind on here, to take turns fasting and praying for you and your family over the next week or so.

 

[Beekissed]

I just got done watching Fireproof....great movie that might apply?

 

[rebecca100]

That was a very good movie. I wish I could get him to watch it! I am afraid to try to hold on tight. I am still scared to death I am going to lose him and I can't stop it. I have prayed almost nonstop all day. The children and I have prayed together as a group for us and him. We are so lost right now. The only thing I know for sure is that we were meant to be together and that I will not give up on him anytime soon. As crazy as it sounds I still have faith in him to be the man I know he is. He has gotten away from God and it has gotten much worse in many ways since he started his new job. As much as I want him back, I do have the conditions that he find a new job that allows him to be off with us on Sundays, and the other is that he starts going to church again with us as a family. I am prepared to wait for months if I have to. I know I sound pitiful. I know I can make it on my own. And I will as long as need be. I said for better or worse and this is definitely worse, but I am going to stick it out. I've never known anyone where on the partners had enough love for the other to refuse to sign that didn't end up happier and stronger. I really can't lose anything at this point since the child support is nearly what he offered anyway. Worst he can really do is decide not to pay for my car or something like he agreed. I think tomorrow we will simply pray and stay away from him. Let him have his distance and see what it will be like without us. Up to right now he has still been home and with us, just sleeping in the camper.

 

[Denim Deb]

Do you have the book, The Love Dare? If so, do it w/out him. It can make a difference.

And I hear ya about him having gotten away from God. That's my hubby's whole problem. He is running from God, and he's miserable. So, he drinks instead. I still have faith that God is going to turn him around. Every time I've been ready to leave, something has stopped me, so all I can think is that God does still want me here and that one day, things will get better.