What do you know about ADD?

[patandchickens]

FWIW, what I'm hearing you say is that you are not sure which would affect your son more positively/adversely... medicating/labelling, or continuing things somewhat as they are now.

Since that boils down to "what would make him feel happier about the situation", and only HE knows that, it probably would be really useful to just ASK HIM

Personally if it were my son I am 100% sure that what I'd actually be asking him would be whether he wanted to try homeschooling instead, but obviously that is not always an option

Best of luck, you *will* find a solution that works for you both,

Pat

 

[me&thegals]

Okay, you asked for it.

Personally, my coping skills in elementary school came about as a result of punishment, shame, and humiliation. I learned that if I didn't want to be confined to my bedroom for the weekend with a pot to pee in and a loaf of bread and some water, I better learn how to organize myself. The one thing that helped was listening to the radio while I did my homework. (Which was not allowed.) Much of what I accomplished was based on fear, and shear force of will. Remember, I am almost 60, so this was a completely different era.

I am so sorry to hear this.

Kind of like transcribing for 15 minutes, cutting up squash, doing laundry, and transcribing again, etc. You have actually described perfectly what it is like to have ADD, except that each task has come about as an offshoot of the other. You start one thing, see something else that needs doing...do it...and then see something else. Rinse and repeat.

Whether ADD or just a certain type of personality, I could never function well at a job that requires nonstop focus. I have always sought out jobs with lots of movement, brain activity, different tasks. If I had to do 8 hours of transcription at the office every day, I really don't think I could. Sounds like you worked this out, too. And the amount you get done (1000s of jars canned??) is truly amazing!

Okay, I know that you hate medicine, and a lot of people do, especially natural food and remedy folks.

I don't hate ALL medicine. As you know from our job, a lot of it is thoughtlessly and unnecessarily prescribed. And too often side effects, serious ones, are not discovered until people sicken and die. There ARE times and reasons for medication, for sure. It's just most things in my life really don't need it: headache, sore throat, fever. Some things do, and for that I have medication: Epi-Pen for beesting-sensitive husband.

I understand that you are not able to accept ADD as a valid diagnosis. I can't convince you, and I won't try. The only thing I can tell you is that the medication which treats ADD restores the proper balance of the synapses of the brain, causing the nerves to fire appropriately and thus relieving the symptoms. Because the treatment works, for me that proves the disorder is valid. Squirrley, eh ?

I think I can accept it, but I'm not quite there yet. I think it is seriously like politics: Each side is SO sure they're the right side and so dedicated to their view, it's hard to trust the information I am getting from books and online. That's why this personal experience info you all are giving is so helpful. Plus, like anything new to somebody--think of how unbelievable ANY new disease seems at first--it takes some getting used to. I think the biggest thing, though, is that "attention" and behavior are so nebulous, so affected by so many other things, so hard to box in, that it makes it hard to define normal and definitely not normal. Plus, as mentioned throughout this thread, both can be affected by SO many things: diet, exercise, sleep, parenting, health/sickness, classroom setting, classmates, teacher, weather, allergies, other life issues...

The reward system was a bust for us because there was so much failure. That's the worst thing you can do to an ADD kid -- give them the chance to fail at something that a non ADDer thinks ought to be a cinch. It takes a lot longer to teach organizational skills to an ADDer.

This is exactly where we are at with my son. What seems SO doable, is not done. So another fun activity not had. Another treat not enjoyed. So, do I lower the bar? What if he is actually normal and then I teach him that I really don't expect much from him? Yet, there is so much failure in his life that I'm about ready to reward him just remembering to bring his backpack home each day!

I cannot even begin to know how you feel about your child having a disorder that you do not believe is authentic, and then to not be able to accept the very best solution (meds) on top of that...that's got to be like living in the middle of a cyclone. I know, though, because of the immense love you have for him, that you will stick to this until it works out one way or another. If you have to try something you don't approve of, and he benefits from it, maybe that would make it easier.

You describe this so perfectly. I (we) will probably end up researching this topic to its very death, both sides, then trying everything we can throw at it.

Things we are already doing:
1. Completely hiding our own frustration over badly done, sloppy, incomplete work. Firmly but calmly having all errors corrected, just so there is no incentive to do things badly and also so we know that he understands the concepts. Looking for every thing that we can comment positively on in his schoolwork.
2. Making sure every single school night starts with as much time as the kids want to tell about their days, then the same routine of putting things away, washing hands and having a healthy snack.
3. Either playtime for half an hour or homework. If homework, they are allowed to do it in smaller chunks, broken up by breaks to do something they want.
4. Communicating with the school about how things are going. Lying has been an issue, and constant communication lets me know exactly what is or is not happening and what homework does or does not need to be done.

Thanks, everybody! Let's keep hearing more!

 

[Ldychef2k]

Quickly because I am supposed to be working...

Things we are already doing:
1. Completely hiding our own frustration over badly done, sloppy, incomplete work. Firmly but calmly having all errors corrected, just so there is no incentive to do things badly and also so we know that he understands the concepts. Looking for every thing that we can comment positively on in his schoolwork.

POSITIVE COMMENTS ARE WONDERFUL AND HE NEEDS THEM. IF IT DOES TURN OUT THAT HE HAS ADD, AND IF YOU DECIDE TO GIVE A TRIAL OF THE PATCH, I THINK YOU WILL SEE A BIG CHANGE IN THE SLOPPY WORK. HE MAY BE THINKING THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SLOPPY IT IS. SEE, THE ENORMOUS AMOUTN OF PSYCHIC ENERGY IT TAKES FOR HIM TO DO WHAT YOU SEE AS BADLY DONE, SLOPPY AND INCOMPLETE...THAT'S ALL HE HAS TO OFFER. HE DOESN'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO MORE, BECAUSE ALL OF HIS ENERGY IS USED IN JUST MAINTAINING THE MINIMAL THAT YOU ARE SEEING. THINK ABOUT THOSE MOVIES WHERE THE GUY IS TRYING TO LEARN TO WALK AGAIN AFTER AN ACCIDENT OR SOMETHING, AND THINK ABOUT THE PHYSICAL EXERTION HE APPLIES TO JUST MOVING A TOE. THAT'S HOW MUCH PSYCHIC EFFORT AN ADDer...sorry, didn't realize I had caps on...anyway, that's how much mental energy it takes for an ADDer to provide what most would see as minimal work.


3. Either playtime for half an hour or homework. If homework, they are allowed to do it in smaller chunks, broken up by breaks to do something they want.

Be sure that he has structure to those breaks. A definite time to stop and start. He needs that. My daughter even counts down: Ten more minutes until....whatever. Five more minutes... Time to... That REALLY helps.


4. Communicating with the school about how things are going. Lying has been an issue, and constant communication lets me know exactly what is or is not happening and what homework does or does not need to be done.

Lying is always an issue with ADD kids. They cannot explain why they didn't do what they should have, because they don't understand the process that got them there. They don't remember that they started out to do the assignment, then they heard the air conditioner humming and it reminded them of a song, which they then started to think about, and the word "sun" was in the song, so they looked out the window and saw the glare off a car, which reminded them of a flash of lightening and thunder, so they start to make booming noises because, well, why not. And that reminds them of gunfire, which reminds them of a show they saw on TV after dinner, which was chicken, which tasted good, and they are hungry, and when is this day over...and what am I supposed to be doing? So, they lie because they know there is something wrong with them, that they ought to be able to do what the other kids do, but they can't and they don't know why.

 

[noobiechickenlady]

Lying is always an issue with ADD kids. They cannot explain why they didn't do what they should have, because they don't understand the process that got them there. They don't remember that they started out to do the assignment, then they heard the air conditioner humming and it reminded them of a song, which they then started to think about, and the word "sun" was in the song, so they looked out the window and saw the glare off a car, which reminded them of a flash of lightening and thunder, so they start to make booming noises because, well, why not. And that reminds them of gunfire, which reminds them of a show they saw on TV after dinner, which was chicken, which tasted good, and they are hungry, and when is this day over...and what am I supposed to be doing? So, they lie because they know there is something wrong with them, that they ought to be able to do what the other kids do, but they can't and they don't know why.

Wow... That is just about how DH puts it.

 

[Ldychef2k]

Here is something I wrote years ago. I have seen other takes on it since, but this was a real day for me.

General Board

How a woman with ADD makes dinner.

Posted By: Kris (198.81.16.178)
Date: Thursday, 6 September 2001, at 1:16 a.m.

1. While cleaning the kitchen in preparation for cooking dinner, notice that the living room is cluttered. This is not a revelation of any kind, as those in your immediate world have all pointed out repeatedly that not everyone keeps their old newspapers in reverse chronological order and in multiple stacks about the room.

2. Obsessing about the stacks of newspapers, you decide to clean the room from top to bottom. On second thought, that seems like a lot of work, so you turn on the TV and vow to least get rid of half the newspapers before dinner.

3. Dinner. What IS for dinner anyway? Return to the refrigerator, which is nearly full, but nothing strikes your fancy. Browse through two or three cookbooks, make a grocery list, grab your purse and head out the door.

4. Walking to the car, notice the "WASH ME" dust graffiti. Grab the hose and turn it on. While watching the water run down the driveway in rivulets, remember that the roses could use a good pruning.

5. En route to the garage to get the pruning shears, wave hello to Mrs. Barnes, your neighbor to the east, who wants to talk about the garage sale she is having this next weekend. That gives you a great idea...you will organize some things and add them to hers. The house needs cleaning anyway. Excuse yourself and head back to the house to start picking out items for sale.

6. THE HOUSE !!! Remember that you were on your way to the store for something, but you can't quite recall what. Was it groceries? No, it can't be. The refrigerator is so full, after all.

7. Shut off the water, pick up your purse, and get in the car, not sure where you are going or why. Head for the craft store just because it sounds like a fun place to be. While there, remember all those newspapers, and think what a good idea it would be to make scrapbooks of current events for the kids to read when they get older.

8. Buy three large scrapbooks, decorative papers, scissors which cut wavy lines, curly lines, and zig-zag lines. Don't forget multicolored special pens, acid-free glue and pre-cut shapes for interest. The total: $87.32. Head home to start the project.

9. On the way home, glance at the gas gauge and realize that it is on "E" and probably has been for some time. Put "fill up the car" on your mental list of things to do.

10. While waiting for the Automobile Club to come with a gas can, start to wonder where the day went and why you are so tired? And hungry. What is for dinner, anyway?

 

[TanksHill]

Ldy that sounds exhausting.

Me&thegals my son is 9 and in 4th grade as I believe yours is as well. I think just reading all of the post from both sides of the fence is helping me greatly. I am not against meds either. It is just that my son has not been diagnosed with anything yet. His school is repeatedly telling me they are not capable of this. So that might be something I remind them of on Friday. I guess my next step will be to the Pediatrician.

I may be getting ahead of myself. I just realte to your post.

gina

 

[Lady Henevere]

The family and child psychiatrist whose school-district-wide workshop we are attending on Parenting with Love and Logic took a look at our son's scores, listened to us talk for 2 min and suggested immediate medication until we could get our son in to see him.

JMHO here...I would run like heck from Dr. Drug-Him-Now-And-I-Will-Deal-With-Him-Later. This raises some major red flags in my mind. There is neither love nor logic in this advice. Recommending immediate medication for a child you have never seen and who has not been diagnosed with ADD is simply irresponsible.

 

[me&thegals]

TanksHill--Wondering how your meeting went? I hope you're starting to find some answers for your son.


I've been doing a LOT of reading about ADD. Here are 3 excellent books I found, on the whole spectrum of beliefs about ADD:

The Myth of the ADD Child--50 ways to improve your child's behavior and attention span without drugs, labels or coercion, by Thomas Armstrong, PhD: As the title suggests, this author does not believe ADD exists. However, he very thoroughly addresses the behaviors that cause a child to be labeled ADD and gives many great suggestions. Rather than seeing these behaviors as part of a disorder, he finds ways to enhance, work with them and see them as strengths.

Superparenting for ADD: An innovative approach to raising your distracted child, by Edward Hallowell, MD, and Peter Jensen, MD: The authors have a wonderfully uplifting way of viewing ADD: As an amazing gift that you can help your child unwrap. Both authors are diagnosed ADD and have at least 1 child diagnosed ADD, so they obviously believe it is a brain difference that exists. However, they take a very positive, bright, hopeful approach in helping a child with ADD thrive in their current life. In fact, their first recommendation is lots and lots of love.

Healing ADD: The breakthrough program that allows you to see and heal the 6 types of ADD, by Daniel Amen, MD: This was the most comprehensive and helpful book of all. The book is full of brain scans depicting typical brains and those in each type of ADD, brain injuries, etc. The author does an excellent job of explaining ADD, the various types, the diets, supplements, medications and exercise routines that help each (all but one are helped by higher protein, lower-carb diets, all helped by intensive exercise), as well as helpful guides for parenting and discipline, self-talk/hypnosis, etc.


So, we are taking a multipronged approach:

1. Chiro to test for food sensitivities and other possible contributing factors.

2. Pediatric psychiatrist (MD) to test for ADD or other problems.

3. Child therapist to discuss all of the above and help teach us more effective ways of dealing with all of the above.

Guess which is the ONLY one covered by insurance? Only the one that would prescribe medication--the ped psychiatrist. Very frustrating. The chiro will cost $360 just for the first 2 visits. I don't know the therapist's costs yet--he offered the first visit free and then will try to work through our insurance issues.

Anway, I hope all the omega-3 free-range eggs are doing their job, as my son is in the middle of his state placement tests for the next couple weeks!

 

[big brown horse]

Those books sound awesome!

 

[noobiechickenlady]

I have the Healing ADD book. A LOT of information about physiology, supplements, behavioral changes.
I'll have to check out those other two, especially Super Parenting. That sounds right up my alley. I KNOW DH & DD are gifted, I hope they are able to harness it.

It sounds like you are really trying to stay on top of this. That is so sad about the insurance issues. Good luck! And good vibes to your DS for his tests.