Would I be a bad mom.. UPDATE

[FarmerChick]

Sometimes you just have to hold on and get through it. Once it's over, they actually turn into people.

so true

 

[lwheelr]

Only people who never had kids, or never let their kids MAKE choices will judge you harshly for her behavior. Seriously.

I'm not in the kick 'em out at 18 camp, but we definitely require our kids to be independent by the age of 18, to a certain level. If they are saving for college or a mission, and making a positive contribution to the household workload, we'll let them stay without paying. If they aren't, they owe us for upkeep each month. We'll also give them a free landing place for a couple of months after returning from a mission, so they can get their bearings, but do expect them to contribute.

But I expect the kids to know how to make choices, do their laundry, shop for groceries, cook meals, handle finances, etc, by the age of 17. Then they have an extra year to practice it before they leave. Most of them have been out on their own by 18.

People who have not had a kid put them through hell don't know how bad it can get either. Even my worst kids weren't as bad as it could have been, but they taught me enough to know that when it does get bad, you can't stand aside and point the finger and say, "They just should have done THAT!".

 

[Wannabefree]

My kid is 3. He already knows he is out at 18. MY JOB is to make him ready! That is cooking, cleaning, budgeting, knowing about credit scores, insurance policies, driving, FAFSA, study skills, interview skills, work ethic, etc.

This pretty much sums up how I feel about it. I agree a good parent works themselves out of a job 100%!

 

[MsPony]

Teenage girls are teenage girls. I am fresh (and I mean fresh) out of a my teenage girl years. My fiance met me when I was barely legal, and has watched me "grow up" to now (hes a lot older.)

When I was 16, if I didnt want sex, drugs (and literally rock n roll to go alone with those drugs) then I was angry, depressive and hateful. My brother was stupid. My mom was ridiculous. My grandfather was my money bags. My mom just told me the other day that she was glad I never snuck out my window, I told her because I just walked out the front door.

Its a horrible age to be in this decade, too much outside pressures and stimulating pressing on your already constantly swinging body.

I think she needs a "job", go take her to the humane society or a therapeutic riding center, or some sort of volunteer position. Animals would be better, as they take away all those outside influences for the period youre with them.

Discounting her those last months you can positively influence her is the WORST THING you can do.

 

[MsPony]

And judging every kid by 18 that they will be independent and ready to go is insane. 18 is a political number, not a personal number.

 

[big brown horse]

I'm right behind you, by 2 years. I can't offer any advice though b/c I haven't been through it yet.

I watched my older sister give my parents so much grief that I felt sorry for them. I was my mom's little helper then so it really hurt me to see her act like that. (Jumping out of the car at a busy intersection at night when she didn't get to sit in the front seat, is one example.)

Anyway, I don't know if I was just a good kid or I didn't want to hurt my parents like she did. Probably both.

I second the volunteering with animals (or the elderly)idea though. That is what I do with my daughter. She also has a job to do every day (feeds and cleans up after all the farm animals and household pets and gets the feed buckets etc ready for me to feed in the evenings) and she cooks and cleans and is learning about saving money and budgeting etc. Last summer she made and kept track of a rockin egg chart all by herself...a simple thing, I know, but I loved it!

 

[rebecca100]

I was the perfect child. I never smoked, I just tasted alchohol once, never did anything bad. I could have wore the white dress when I got married, too. My dad stayed on me threatening and accusing. I wasnt allowed to go anywhere or do anything.(that may have been why I never did anything bad) But 4 days after I turned 18 I ran off and got married. Then I finished high school with a new last name that I still have 11 years later. So 18 is PLENTY old enough to take care of yourself if you actually try. Is it just lying and being difficult that is the problem or is it drugs and stuff? Those are two very different situations. If it is just being difficult then I would say take a deep breath and find your place of quiet and comfort and remember the good times and why it is you love her. Try to not get angry with her and remember that this will pass. I never DID anything bad, but I had a mouth and would deliberately hurt my mom with my hatefulness. She always let me know that she loved me anyway. I know she went to bed crying more than once over something I said, but I never doubted that she loved me. If it is drugs or alcohol then that is WAY more serious. What you do now could impact her entire life.

 

[farmerlor]

But again, just because "I" did it doesn't mean that every kid is ready to be kicked to the curb at 18 and we all know that boys are notorious for maturing later than girls-heck my husband STILL isn't mature at 52! My two oldest daughters were very mature and more than ready to take care of themselves at 18. Adam is 19 and still needs us for advice, moral support if not financial, and the occasional recipe for french toast or grilled cheese sandwiches.
Just because a child (and I do mean child) goes out and has sex or tries a few drugs or drinks doesn't make the child BAD and they shouldn't be made to feel that way. They made a BAD decision and it won't be the last (I still make the occasional mistake) and that will need to be dealt with but golly, the least of anyone's worries should be what the darn neighbors think. The main concern should be seeing that the child is safe and learning from the mistakes they've made.

 

[Damummis]

Not drugs or alcohol. More the "floosieness" and attitude. She has always lied. Ever since she was able to talk. I take it in stride and let her deal with the consequences. And there are always consequences. It is just this "friends with benefits" that get me. I did make her go on the pill. I am so not ready for that. She also knows the consequences for that too. It is just so not what I would do or did. It is killing me.

 

[big brown horse]

Hey farmerlor!

But again, just because "I" did it doesn't mean that every kid is ready to be kicked to the curb at 18 and we all know that boys are notorious for maturing later than girls-heck my husband STILL isn't mature at 52! My two oldest daughters were very mature and more than ready to take care of themselves at 18. Adam is 19 and still needs us for advice, moral support if not financial, and the occasional recipe for french toast or grilled cheese sandwiches.
Just because a child (and I do mean child) goes out and has sex or tries a few drugs or drinks doesn't make the child BAD and they shouldn't be made to feel that way. They made a BAD decision and it won't be the last (I still make the occasional mistake) and that will need to be dealt with but golly, the least of anyone's worries should be what the darn neighbors think. The main concern should be seeing that the child is safe and learning from the mistakes they've made.

Yeah, I'm going to have to second that.