Would I be a bad mom.. UPDATE

[Wifezilla]

My oldest "knew everything" by the time he was 16. We told him he could live at home after 18 if he went to school at the local community college. Since he didn't want to follow our rules, he decided to go to college out of town, get loans, etc... He lasted 1 semester.

So he did the fast food route until he got sick of making no money and always being broke so he finally joined the army. He paid off all those loans and is now in Iraq. He is almost human now at age 22

Compare that to other people's kids who still live at home in their parents basements. Smoking dope, no job, playing video games... yikes. Toss them out at 18 so they GROW UP.

 

[Dunkopf]

I'm glad to hear that you have helped her to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. At that age they are more influenced by peers than they are parents. We have been lucky because we moved to the country during our two oldest kids teenage years. Not as many bad influences out here. Our oldest was already on a good path when I met DW and she was pretty easy. We had our moments but DW kept me in line and doing the right thing. Three down and five to go.

Good luck and remember if you won't give your child a hand up than nobody will. If she won't take your hand then just do what you can.

 

[AnnaRaven]

Not drugs or alcohol. More the "floosieness" and attitude. She has always lied. Ever since she was able to talk. I take it in stride and let her deal with the consequences. And there are always consequences. It is just this "friends with benefits" that get me. I did make her go on the pill. I am so not ready for that. She also knows the consequences for that too. It is just so not what I would do or did. It is killing me.

Make sure she has access to condoms too. You don't want her dying just to make a point.

Don't let your daughter's having sex "kill" you. There are so many worse things she could be doing - things that actually harm her (drugs) or harm another person (crime). Relax. Really. The more you relax about it, the less she has to do it for rebelliousness.

She will make different choices from you. Accept that. If you've done your job right, they will be good choices (once her brain settles down.) She may decide to come back to your religious views as she grows up. She may not. She may be a good person even if she's making other choices than you would about sex. Look beyond the sex. Try to find things she does that you approve of. If nothing else, think about how good it is that she *isn't* doing drugs and alcohol and robbing stores and hurting people.

Anyways - good luck. And don't worry about what others think.

 

[MsPony]

My oldest "knew everything" by the time he was 16. We told him he could live at home after 18 if he went to school at the local community college. Since he didn't want to follow our rules, he decided to go to college out of town, get loans, etc... He lasted 1 semester.

So he did the fast food route until he got sick of making no money and always being broke so he finally joined the army. He paid off all those loans and is now in Iraq. He is almost human now at age 22

Compare that to other people's kids who still live at home in their parents basements. Smoking dope, no job, playing video games... yikes. Toss them out at 18 so they GROW UP.

Not every kid smokes dope w/ no job in the basement. I still pay rent (I live in my now-dead grandfathers house) and pay all my own bills. I even have my own horse, always have, mom never paid for it. But I still crawl over for the occasional grilled cheese sandwhich, $5 for lunch money or a snuggle on the couch while watching tv.

You can't judge maturity on age. 18 IS a political number. My godmother kicked all her kids out at 14 because that age was "mature" to her. That turned out really well :/

As for your daughter D, did you sit her down and explain all the ways to get pregnant? That pulling out isn't always effective? Did you explain AIDS and HIV and herpes? Did you explain that someday she may regret choices? If you did, that's all you can do. Be there for a hug and love, you are a mom afterall

 

[AnnaRaven]

My oldest "knew everything" by the time he was 16. We told him he could live at home after 18 if he went to school at the local community college. Since he didn't want to follow our rules, he decided to go to college out of town, get loans, etc... He lasted 1 semester.

So he did the fast food route until he got sick of making no money and always being broke so he finally joined the army. He paid off all those loans and is now in Iraq. He is almost human now at age 22

Compare that to other people's kids who still live at home in their parents basements. Smoking dope, no job, playing video games... yikes. Toss them out at 18 so they GROW UP.

Not every kid smokes dope w/ no job in the basement. I still pay rent (I live in my now-dead grandfathers house) and pay all my own bills. I even have my own horse, always have, mom never paid for it. But I still crawl over for the occasional grilled cheese sandwhich, $5 for lunch money or a snuggle on the couch while watching tv.

You can't judge maturity on age. 18 IS a political number. My godmother kicked all her kids out at 14 because that age was "mature" to her. That turned out really well :/

As for your daughter D, did you sit her down and explain all the ways to get pregnant? That pulling out isn't always effective? Did you explain AIDS and HIV and herpes? Did you explain that someday she may regret choices? If you did, that's all you can do. Be there for a hug and love, you are a mom afterall

 

[abifae]

As for your daughter D, did you sit her down and explain all the ways to get pregnant? That pulling out isn't always effective? Did you explain AIDS and HIV and herpes? Did you explain that someday she may regret choices? If you did, that's all you can do. Be there for a hug and love, you are a mom afterall

And mention that almost every county's clinic does a full panel STD screen for only 50 bucks and once you start having sex, you need tested every 6 months, even if it's been a year since you got any. Catching illnesses early will save your life and ability to have kids later.

 

[AL]

I grew up being told how much of a burden I was (and I was a good kid!). My parents had been told they couldn't have children - medically "impossible" - so they adopted 2. 4 months before their 18th wedding anniversary, I arrived naturally.
There is no feeling like being told you are not accepted by the people who are supposed to be your anchor in life.

I was so desperate for their approval and acceptance, so convinced I was a failure, I lived at home until I was almost 30. I paid rent, bought my own groceries, worked a full time job, went to college, tended my own "stuff" (laundry, dishes, animals).

I haven't read through every comment, but I think some family counseling would be in order. jmho

 

[Neko-chan]

...

 

[Damummis]

Yes, she has access to condoms.
Yes, she has been educated about STDs from many sources.
She even has the incentive that if she makes it to 21 without getting pregnant she receives $2100. Same goes for her sister.
I do get her screened every 6 months.

The thing with L is, is she has to learn EVERYTHING the hard way. Just like her bio dad. Unfortunately for him he learned the ultimate lesson when he ran himself over.

I love L, very much. It just pains me to see her lose friends, burn bridges, and be miserable.

To all the moms who have young daughters who think the world of you.....................

LIVE IT UP!!! Cause it ain't gonna last. One morning they are going to wake up and............ YIKES!

Oh and I figure the full moon has something to do with my feelings this week. And "she" is mensing right now

 

[me&thegals]

Damummis--I really, really feel for you. It is exhausting and depressing to have problems with ones kids.

Can I just ask about the $2100, though? I don't want to be harsh, really, but to me it seems like you are giving her the wrong message. Maybe I will regret this, but with our kids they are simply expected to behave well. They don't get paid for it. I wonder if this promise of payment could have an unwanted side effect of "saying" that you don't believe she will make good choices without being bribed.

Anyway, I really wish you the very best in getting your daughter to adulthood! The only other thing I would suggest is being SURE she knows how much you love her. Is there anything at all she would be willing to spend time with you doing? Is there ANYthing she does well that you can sincerely compliment her for?

Good luck!