Bee~ Journal of then...

[Beekissed]

Mom is going through a really tough time right now with my dad and his ALZ. If anyone has had experience with having someone committed to a facility for their own good, could you tell me about it?

We are going to research it, figure out how best to do it....and then we are just going to have to do it, whether it gets ugly or not. My dad is a violent, hateful, manipulative man and the ALZ has made it so much worse that we fear for Mom's life and for his. He refuses to go to the doctor, refuses to take meds and cannot be reasoned with.....he was like that before he got ALZ!

I would appreciate any input on how it went for others when they had to do this. As a nurse, I've only been on the other end...in the facility. I've never gotten to be privy to the happenings that led up to the event.

 

[big brown horse]

Your Mom is the cutest thing in the world!! Your boys are adorable and wonderful...such great smiles! I love (young) men who smile!!

I am sorry to hear about your father...I have only volunteered at nursing homes where they had alz wards...no real experience. But I am so sorry.

 

[Beekissed]

Thank you, BBH. She is really a cute little thing and she has lived a pretty hard life with my dad but now its gotten so much worse.

Today she called me and said she was trying to make up her mind to let him go to a facility. The thing is....he's still in his mind enough to fight tooth and nail and go down with guns blazing. And my sibs are't much help except for my oldest sister.

Today he is mad at her and was looking frantically for his pistol....which she wisely hid long ago. But he still has other guns in the house, along with any number of things to hurt someone with.

She's just the sweetest little woman and you can tell how much my boys love her.....it would devastate them~and me~ if something were to happen to her. Especially something violent. Her mother was shot in the head by her husband and then he killed himself.....my dad has often threatened the same fate for my mom.

Now you see why I started a thread about keeping good mental health? Its so important to me for so many reasons.

 

[Blackbird]

I would def. be seeking professional help for that situation.. urgently too.

My dad (65 y/o) has slight alzhiemers, and sounds an aweful lot like your dad. Luckily it hasn't affected him a whole lot, or maybe unluckily, depends on how it woud affect him..

My uncle (75) has Parkins and Alz, and possibly slight dementia, he's just a walking nothing, and thats when he can walk. It takes him about a minute to get across the room and he can barely pick anything up because he shakes so bad. Its absolutley painful to see him. For some reason, no one has put him in a facility yet.

 

[Henrietta23]

Those are wonderfull photos.
I love the views, reminds me of home - upstate New York. Gives me the same nostalgic feeling as your house.
Your mother sounds like my grandmother. She did headstands until about 6 months before she died from brain cancer. Gotta love 'em. Hope to grow old and feisty like she did!

Great pics of your sons with grandma, I mean the old bat. She looks like a great woman.

I love the farm country of upstate NY! We used to travel up there to visit family every summer. It was best when we didn't take the Thruway!
I had a great-great aunt who lived to be 102. I could see her doing something like cartwheels on her birthday. When she was in her 90s she worked as a caretaker for two men in their 80s! She had a squirrel monkey as a pet as well as two chihuahuas that hated children. I was terrified of her but fascinated by her at the same time.
Thanks for sharing the pictures-just beautiful!

 

[Henrietta23]

Mom is going through a really tough time right now with my dad and his ALZ. If anyone has had experience with having someone committed to a facility for their own good, could you tell me about it?

We are going to research it, figure out how best to do it....and then we are just going to have to do it, whether it gets ugly or not. My dad is a violent, hateful, manipulative man and the ALZ has made it so much worse that we fear for Mom's life and for his. He refuses to go to the doctor, refuses to take meds and cannot be reasoned with.....he was like that before he got ALZ!

I would appreciate any input on how it went for others when they had to do this. As a nurse, I've only been on the other end...in the facility. I've never gotten to be privy to the happenings that led up to the event.

No real advice to share only having been on the periphery of it. My DH's aunt had to put her husband ino a facility for those reasons. She was able to care for him with Alzheimers, until he became violent towards her. She was in denial for a long time. My FIL, her big brother had to be very firm and blunt with her. Uncle was not well enough to fight tooth and nail though so she didn't go through that part. What she do go through was denial that he'd never come home. She thought she'd be able to bring him home for holidays but he just isn't well enough. He also has Parkinson's.

 

[Beekissed]

I would def. be seeking professional help for that situation.. urgently too.

Well.....that's the problem. How do you MAKE someone who is physically healthy and able to fight you....go where they refuse to go? We can call the police and have them take him in and be evaluated for a mental health hearing, and that's probably what we will finally have to do....but that will all be so horrible for them both.

 

[FarmerDenise]

Henrietta23, we used to take the taconic to go from NYC to upstate, much more scenic.

Bee, I had a co-worker/friend who had to convince her siblings that mom needed to go to a convalescent hospital due to the fact that someone needed to take care of mom at all times, including medical stuff. But mom herself wasn't that hard to convince. My friend felt pretty bad about it, but she really couldn't take care of mom any more, not with having a full time job and none of her siblings really helped much. Mom would do some pretty stupid and sometimes dangerous things. My friend had a good support system through work though. And once she convinced most of her siblings, things went better.
Sounds like you got a pretty tough and potentially dangerous situation. In any case it is pretty abusive for your mom to live in fear like that at all times. There could be a case of elder abuse as well as spousal abuse. You might consider getting in touch with an elder care organization in your mother's area.
My friend found the local organization very helpfull.

 

[Beekissed]

Thank you, FD...that angle hadn't occured to me but you are right, it is abuse that she is enduring. But then, she has been doing this for 57 years and it was abuse then too....I think she's just getting too old to handle it now, though. I think that's why the rest of the kids don't think this is abnormal, they've watched it for years.

Now, though, Dad is even more irrational and unpredictable in his thoughts and actions. Scary unpredictable...the stories I could tell!

I'll inquire about the elder abuse issue as a way of taking her out of the equation. Thank you!

 

[Farmfresh]

Unfortunately with someone large strong and violent the police are probably your best resource. The hardest thing will be for your mom. If there was anyway she was able to NOT be there it would be a blessing.

Study up on the stages of Alz. In the beginning violence is a major symptom, but later in the progression the sufferers are often quite calm and mild. My hubbys great aunt (who was more like his grandma had ALZ. At first she was very difficult and hard to control, but at the end she liked to spend her days walking and picking flowers. She thought she was a little child and when my MIL went to visit her she called HER grandma.

Facility care is probably your only choice since he was a bad actor BEFORE the ALZ.