Bee's Guest House

[justusnak]

Bee, I wish I was closer to you. One thing I am good at is cutting firewood...and stacking it. Well....splitting it with a wood splitter. LOL We have to rent one every year, to get ours done. Hubby will sometimes use the Axe..and split some...but his age is catching up to him, and renting a woodsplitter seems to make much more sence. We can easily get 10 ricks split in a weekend.
The sheepies are doing great! Now to get the pasture split for the goats, and I will be OK on the grass thing..I think. LOL I really wish I could get them out in the wooded area...to clean that up, but fencing is expencive..and well, right now, money is tight. I will just have to keep cutting brush for the goats.
Oh, hows those bees coming?? You get any honey yet??

 

[Beekissed]

The bees are great and they seem to be making enough honey but probably not enough to harvest this year.

I tell you what, Deb....I've been thinking and thinking. I'm pretty depressed and at a crossroads in my life~I've grown tired and burned out with my job and my current status.

I've lost the excitement of SS living but I can't imagine any other way.

I tell you what I really want to do right now and would do in a heart beat if money was there....

I'd like to drive around America and see all there is to see. Just drive, write, eat, sleep, take pictures in my mind. I'd like to take old Lucy with me, get rid of all the other animals except Jake~which the boys want~and let Mom take care of the cats.

I'd like to just live totally for the moment, not be doing something for others all the time, be completely shackle free for the first time in my life.

I know its the empty nest talking but I sure don't want to be here anymore. Not here in this area nor this place....just not HERE where I am in life. That probably doesn't make a lot of sense but its all I can say about it.

Weird, huh? :/

 

[justusnak]

Bee, Thats not wierd at all. Right after we lost our son, I asked my hubby...." WHY are we doing the farm thing"? He just looked at me like I had 3 heads...and I said, lets sell everything...animals, vehicles, farm, and buy a small RV, something that his retirement would make the payments on, and cover gas and insurance. My thoughts were, I outlived my son, and what have I to show for it??
Then...as I was makeing the list for the "big sale" I sat out there and looked around at all the work, blood,sweat and tears involved in makeing this house a home...and a workable farm. I would not be happy, living on the road. I need a place to put my roots in deep, and hold on! I NEED this farm...it is my sanity. You are going through a "loss" right now...sons moving out near the same time mom is moving out...thats a BIG "loss" Grieve it...and embrace your home....If after a time, you are still not happy in your life...then its time to move on. However, IF you decide to move on...and take that long drive...you better stop here in Indiana!

 

[pioneergirl]

Bee I'll tell ya.....as you know me and the DH went on the road for a year. At first it was ok, but after about a month I was soooo done with it!! Then, when I "ran away" so to speak and then came back home, I sat on the deck and bawled my eyes out thinking of all I would be missing if I left. I couldn't stand it! Of course, now I cuss and stomp my feet when I have 3 buckets of tomatoes or cucumbers waiting to be processed. Or cry when Bonnie Jean died, or when the the pigs tear something up, but I won't trade it for a thing. I learned being out and about that the general public is a bunch of mindless zombies and everyone is out to take you for something. Tourist traps aren't the cheesy attractions they were in our childhood, they are money vacuums waiting like predators when you park the car. Crazy people everywhere!!!

I would say, let mom and the boys take care of things for a couple weeks. Go out and live a little, then come home. You'll see how much you missed it!!

 

[Farmfresh]

The feelings will pass quickly, even you know that!

.... In the meantime Why NOT take a short vacation? Come visit one of us or even just go somewhere for the weekend. You could get a boy to stay and herd sit for a bit couldn't you?

You just need a time to reboot.

Then again Fall is coming and once the temps cool off from "Hell's Kitchen HoT" and those mountains breezes start stirring up the Autumn leaves ... you will be hooked on this SS life once again.

 

[Beekissed]

I think you all are right on all counts....but I'm trying to tell my psyche that. I think I'm just burnt out on my job~hospice burn out usually starts at the 2 yr. mark, which is just where I am~ and I have no one to share the joy of working this place.

And I don't really want any kind of romance, so its not that at all...I shudder to think of starting all that up again....

I just woke up this week without a plan or dream one in my head~ but just running(a Forrest Gump moment ). Running like a scalded dog to anywhere but where I am right now in my life. Funny thing...I have spent my whole life planning all the neat things I would do if I had no one depending on me and now I can't remember even one of them!

Watched Thelma & Louise all morning long, finally dragged myself to work, cried all day long and I couldn't make myself stop...weird and embarassing. :/

Its not like I've suffered the deep wound that Debbie has, so I feel quite ridiculous and weak. This is new for me...no plans, no dreams, no heart....just nothing but a yawning hole.

Going to definitely downsize my sheep...will be selling Ugly Betty and the new ram lamb. I don't think I'll be breeding anymore unless I borrow a ram...maybe or maybe not. I think just the two sheep and their offspring will suffice...will sell the offspring that is coming this fall also.

Two sheep, two dogs, two cats, 32 chickens. I think its enough and maybe too much.

I'll snap back, guys, but I seem to have to go through this grand pity party before I can get my second wind. Curl up, escape reality, sleep a lot, let the house get totally nuclear....and wait for a fresh wind to blow.

Thank you for all the kind words of support.....

Deb, my aunt lives in Indiana and I would love to stop by and see you when we visit her next spring. I would love to sit down and talk to you and see what you are growing.

You see, my plans of running around America included stopping by to meet all you great people....I really would love to meet you all and just shake your hands. My far flung friends....what a joy it would be to sit down to a cup of whatever and natter about anything and everything to do with SS and life.

One day...

'Til then, I will wallow in my self pity and wait for that second wind to blow...this doggone heat is sucking my very will to live right out of me!!!!!! Anyone else feeling the oppression of the incredible and heavy heat???

 

[pioneergirl]

You do what you need to do to get better sweetie. We'll all be behind you, and bet your sweet a...... um, backside that if we all lived closer we'd take care of things for you!!! I think all us girls go through a few of these spells, what with everyone depending on us, and having to seemingly run everything on our own. We go and go, yet still somehow feel, at times, empty. I'm sure you'll come out of it, in due time.

I would love to see you one day. Sit outside, sipping on some tea, or 'something' lol, and just relax.

 

[mlynd]

Bee, we are all here for u and this heat is not helpping anyone

 

[murphysranch]

As OFG knows, cus she's been so sweet to encourage me, I'm there too with you, Bee.

Nothing to do, no career to mold, no long term or short term goals, had lots of plans of crafts for decades for when I wasn't working anymore - now that I'm here - I'm bored, depressed, and disatisfied, and can't pull myself up by the bootstraps to get it going..... Now that we're running outa money, I'll have to go back to work, but that's not my solution either.

Running away - I want to do that too, but on my own. No DH, no dogs or cat, just me and me and me.

No solutions in the near future, but its a comfort to know someone else is in the same mood.

 

[Beekissed]

Wow is it!! That sounds so much like what I'm going through...I too was waiting to have time to do all these crafts and projects and now have no more interest in them than I would in a root canal.

Must be midlife, hormonal change thingy and it sounds like its catching!!!!

We should all do that thing where all the middle aged women get their own little campers, paint them up, decorate them in style and meet somewhere in the US each year. I read an article on it somewhere and it looked like lots of fun.....it doesn't sound like much fun to drag a trailer around but the gals sure did look like it was fun.

They had rules about no junk foods...only fully cooked meals on tables with table cloths, cloth napkins, cutlery and nice dishes. They wore costumes and sat around watching the sun go down with cool drinks in hand.

Ahhhhhhhh.....wouldn't it be nice to have my butt in a chair and my toes in the sand, not a care in the world, a cold drink in my hand? ......<singing>