Farmfresh
City Biddy
Vent to us anytime dear Bee!
Bee's Guest House
- Thread starter MorelCabin
- Start date
Vent to us anytime dear Bee!
Beekissed
Mountain Sage
Slowly getting better, thanks!!!kcsunshine said:
I still feel the need to vent but this too shall pass. Maybe I'm just getting old? I'm not sure, but I find it harder and harder to find one human being in which to place any real trust or confidence. Even close family.
I'm a there for you when you are down, will travel, will stay up late on the phone for hours, give you all my money, give you my spare time kind of friend to my loved ones and friends.....is it too hard to ask to have someone else in this world who sees this as something to reciprocate?
How many of you still have that kind of friend or family that you can count on to have your back in times of need? I'm not talking about financial times but just to help you get to your destination....be it a physical, emotional or spiritual one.
homesteadmomma
Almost Self-Reliant
Reading this breaks my heart for you but also for me as it opens a fresh wound that is just scabbing over. My bf divorced her hubby nine months ago and dropped me as a friend in the process. I miss her desperately, email her, facebook, call her but less and less. I am trying to let go but it is killing me. She was the friend who held my hand through my youngest diagnose and all the issues that that brought. Oh how I miss her!Beekissed said:Slowly getting better, thanks!!!kcsunshine said:
Maybe I'm just getting old? I'm not sure, but I find it harder and harder to find one human being in which to place any real trust or confidence. Even close family.
I'm a there for you when you are down, will travel, will stay up late on the phone for hours, give you all my money, give you my spare time kind of friend to my loved ones and friends.....is it too hard to ask to have someone else in this world who sees this as something to reciprocate?
How many of you still have that kind of friend or family that you can count on to have your back in times of need? I'm not talking about financial times but just to help you get to your destination....be it a physical, emotional or spiritual one.
HUGS Bee
!!!!!!
Beekissed
Mountain Sage
No matter how old or crusty I get or imagine myself to be, I still am deeply perplexed by this kind of behaviour. I don't think any friend I've ever had has put more into the relationship that I have....I know that sounds seriously pompous, but it is true.
When they call and want to talk, I always...and I mean, always! make the time. Even if it is 2 am in the morning...and this happens a lot.
If they need me to come to the hospital and hold their head when they puke, it doesn't matter if I just worked a full day, went to school until 10pm and still had to go home to a family and get up and do it again...I was there.
When they lose everything and need a safe haven to stay, I am there. When they have no money and I do, I give it. When they need a hug, encouragement, advice...I'm there. When they need to whine for the millionth and a half time about their husbands, I listen....I always listen, even when my first inclination is to tell them to put on their big girl panties and take a walk outta there.
When they need someone to clean their house, cook meals, do the laundry, etc. when a family member dies...I'm there. No thanks required. Its just money in the Friend Bank...this all gets repaid when I need a friend. Or should be.
All of these things I do are not in the least remarkable or heroic...its called being a friend. I'd always assumed that everyone knew that and that is why they called me. Being a friend is just basic stuff...it doesn't take anyone with any extreme goodness or kindness or all that jazz. It just takes love.
Sorry...but I just needed to get that out of my system for many a long year. I don't know why it always surprises me but it does.
Any of you can relate??
When they call and want to talk, I always...and I mean, always! make the time. Even if it is 2 am in the morning...and this happens a lot.
If they need me to come to the hospital and hold their head when they puke, it doesn't matter if I just worked a full day, went to school until 10pm and still had to go home to a family and get up and do it again...I was there.
When they lose everything and need a safe haven to stay, I am there. When they have no money and I do, I give it. When they need a hug, encouragement, advice...I'm there. When they need to whine for the millionth and a half time about their husbands, I listen....I always listen, even when my first inclination is to tell them to put on their big girl panties and take a walk outta there.
When they need someone to clean their house, cook meals, do the laundry, etc. when a family member dies...I'm there. No thanks required. Its just money in the Friend Bank...this all gets repaid when I need a friend. Or should be.
All of these things I do are not in the least remarkable or heroic...its called being a friend. I'd always assumed that everyone knew that and that is why they called me. Being a friend is just basic stuff...it doesn't take anyone with any extreme goodness or kindness or all that jazz. It just takes love.
Sorry...but I just needed to get that out of my system for many a long year. I don't know why it always surprises me but it does.
Any of you can relate??
noobiechickenlady
Almost Self-Reliant
Hubby & I used to be the ones to always extend a helping hand, ready to loan you 20 bucks, give you a ride anywhere. My best guy friend (J) still is. He would literally give you the shirt off his back. And I still have that with my best girlfriend. The rest of our "friends"...
We got (and J is still getting) tired of being taken advantage of by those so-called friends. Ya know, the ones you call crying because you need to talk and they can't because <insert blatant excuse here> Or the ones who ask for money to buy diapers for the baby, 3 days after they bragged to you about the new movies they found.
I'm not saying we don't do things for our friends anymore, but sometimes, you have to say no or you have to give conditions. We had to learn to, or we'd be raising (like children) several of our adult friends. I still give them advice when they ask (and sometimes when they don't!). But instead of handing the somewhat friend a $10, I go buy the diapers. And when I need to, I call J and cry at him until I feel better.
Too many cliches & proverbs about the subject too... One good turn deserves another, You reap what you sow, Treat others as you want to be treated, the list goes on... It should be common sense. But then again, common sense isn't so common any more. And that's very sad.
We got (and J is still getting) tired of being taken advantage of by those so-called friends. Ya know, the ones you call crying because you need to talk and they can't because <insert blatant excuse here> Or the ones who ask for money to buy diapers for the baby, 3 days after they bragged to you about the new movies they found.
I'm not saying we don't do things for our friends anymore, but sometimes, you have to say no or you have to give conditions. We had to learn to, or we'd be raising (like children) several of our adult friends. I still give them advice when they ask (and sometimes when they don't!). But instead of handing the somewhat friend a $10, I go buy the diapers. And when I need to, I call J and cry at him until I feel better.
Zactly! You (anyone) shouldn't have to "expect" your friend to be there when you need them, they should just do it! And it shouldn't be a hardship either. You aren't asking for anything you haven't provided, after all. That's the connection I have with my two best friends. I cherish it, since it seems to be a disappearing connection in the world.
Too many cliches & proverbs about the subject too... One good turn deserves another, You reap what you sow, Treat others as you want to be treated, the list goes on... It should be common sense. But then again, common sense isn't so common any more. And that's very sad.
freemotion
Food Guru
I was fortunate enough to learn, back in my 30's, the difference between a "project" and a true friend. I've since collected a find group of true friends, and still have "projects," but I know the difference. And I never hand money to anyone anymore. Never. Advice is given freely. I will take the time to show people how to squeeze money out of their budget, and have offered many times to do this. Usually they find a way to say "nevermind" and this is the clue that they just want to freeload.
I know of a family where both the husband and wife were recently laid off from their jobs. Someone else gave them a squash. She was asking me for money-saving hints when this came up. She said she threw the squash out because they didn't like it. I gave her a few good hints (make laundry soap, cook a few things from scratch and I will provide recipes and instructions, etc.) and told her to email me and I'd send instructions, which I have in my files. Think I got an email or a phone call yet? That's right!
So I've learned to put out feelers and see if they really want help or not. Tell my why, when two people are out of work, they can't take the time to cook from scratch to save money? What are they doing all day? Oh, yeah, they still have cable.
Ooops, guess I'm venting now, too!
So to balance it out, I can think of several people who would be on my doorstep any time of day or night if I called them. Actually, they have. And I've been on theirs. I am so very blessed!
I know of a family where both the husband and wife were recently laid off from their jobs. Someone else gave them a squash. She was asking me for money-saving hints when this came up. She said she threw the squash out because they didn't like it. I gave her a few good hints (make laundry soap, cook a few things from scratch and I will provide recipes and instructions, etc.) and told her to email me and I'd send instructions, which I have in my files. Think I got an email or a phone call yet? That's right!
So I've learned to put out feelers and see if they really want help or not. Tell my why, when two people are out of work, they can't take the time to cook from scratch to save money? What are they doing all day? Oh, yeah, they still have cable.
Ooops, guess I'm venting now, too!
So to balance it out, I can think of several people who would be on my doorstep any time of day or night if I called them. Actually, they have. And I've been on theirs. I am so very blessed!
Henrietta23
Yard Farmer
Projects-what a great way to put it! I've had my share.... and learned the difference slowly. And got caller IDfreemotion said:
Beekissed
Mountain Sage
Yes, you are, Free.
I can honestly say that I do not have one person on this Earth that would do that for me. Except for my children, that is, and that would be iffy at times....
I know of numerous people for whom I would and have done that for....its just mighty weird that I don't know one that would reciprocate.
I know, I know....stop yer whinin'!!!!!! Usually I just suck it up and live with it but some days it just has to leak out!
Farmfresh
City Biddy
Free you bring up such an interesting point.
We had an interesting conversation just today at work. Someone asked me about cleaning my own chickens and that started the conversation in which I discovered only 1 other person, out of the 6 women talking, would even fry a chicken at home. "Too much work and way too messy" was the consensus.
Only 1 of them ever bought a whole chicken to cook and 4 of the 6 only bought boneless, skinless breasts and thighs. "Too much work" was the story of the day. Later in the conversation they were all talking about being short on money and one even told a tale about how she "almost lost her house" a few years back.
These are hard working women. Why can't any of them even fathom cooking a fried chicken for dinner? I just don't get it.
We had an interesting conversation just today at work. Someone asked me about cleaning my own chickens and that started the conversation in which I discovered only 1 other person, out of the 6 women talking, would even fry a chicken at home. "Too much work and way too messy" was the consensus.
Only 1 of them ever bought a whole chicken to cook and 4 of the 6 only bought boneless, skinless breasts and thighs. "Too much work" was the story of the day. Later in the conversation they were all talking about being short on money and one even told a tale about how she "almost lost her house" a few years back.
These are hard working women. Why can't any of them even fathom cooking a fried chicken for dinner? I just don't get it.
freemotion
Food Guru
Bee, this is not a criticism, so please don't take it that way....It sounds like you are a giver and a fixer (like me) and exclusively pick up project people. I never saw that in myself until I hosted a couple who stayed at my apartment for a weekend many years ago. They were a bit older than I was and we knew many people in common, although we were not close friends at the time. I confided in them something that happened, when I helped someone we knew in common and she totally walked all over me. I was VERY hurt at the time. It seemed to come out of nowhere.
They sat me down and explained the difference between a friend and a project. It took me a few more years of observing, but it was a major moment in my life. I can now help people and can also tell who will be a friend and who is a project. Now I rarely have that resentment when I discover I've been used and taken advantage of. When it happens, it is very minor. I've learned what to give and how to "put out feelers" to see who is deserving of more of me. Some people are professional users and are really, really good at pretending to be in crisis and seem sincere. They know who to target and how far they can push. Some do it consciously, many do it unconsciously, sincerely believing that their circumstances are truly beyond their control.
Give a man a fish, or teach him to fish....
I have a new friend/project who is like this. Notice how I worded that. She is not a user, she is a giver. She is only a project in that I hope to help her see the difference. She helps people NON-STOP. When she was in need last year, NO ONE came to her side. I found out and arranged for some of my friends, strangers to her, to come help. She was very impressed. I tried to explain what a balanced friendship is....it is a concept that takes some time to wrap ones' brain around sometimes. It sure took me a while. But I feel that now I can be TRULY helpful, whereas before, I put a bandaid on, sometimes (often) where none was needed and it actually impeded healing.
Am I making sense?
They sat me down and explained the difference between a friend and a project. It took me a few more years of observing, but it was a major moment in my life. I can now help people and can also tell who will be a friend and who is a project. Now I rarely have that resentment when I discover I've been used and taken advantage of. When it happens, it is very minor. I've learned what to give and how to "put out feelers" to see who is deserving of more of me. Some people are professional users and are really, really good at pretending to be in crisis and seem sincere. They know who to target and how far they can push. Some do it consciously, many do it unconsciously, sincerely believing that their circumstances are truly beyond their control.
Give a man a fish, or teach him to fish....
I have a new friend/project who is like this. Notice how I worded that. She is not a user, she is a giver. She is only a project in that I hope to help her see the difference. She helps people NON-STOP. When she was in need last year, NO ONE came to her side. I found out and arranged for some of my friends, strangers to her, to come help. She was very impressed. I tried to explain what a balanced friendship is....it is a concept that takes some time to wrap ones' brain around sometimes. It sure took me a while. But I feel that now I can be TRULY helpful, whereas before, I put a bandaid on, sometimes (often) where none was needed and it actually impeded healing.
Am I making sense?
