FarmerJamie
Mr. Sensitive
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2010
- Messages
- 9,972
- Reaction score
- 19,073
- Points
- 393
I'll just be praying for both of you and let His Will be done.
Denim Deb Hay, hay, hay. Thank the Lord!
- Thread starter Denim Deb
- Start date
savingdogs
Queen Filksinger
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2009
- Messages
- 5,478
- Reaction score
- 5
- Points
- 221
I think we all wish we had a way to help fix this for you, Deb. We have all known people with alcohol problems. We have all known people who chose to throw their lives away on it. The only person who can make that decision is HIM. But you don' t have to throw away yours.
I think I'd have plan A and plan B. Plan A is if he shapes up and Plan B is what you are going to do without him. and expect that plan B is going to be the fork in the road you take. Because I'd give him the "you need to decide between us" speech when you are READY to leave and not a day before, so you don't make hardship and heartache for yourself. At least your children are grown and they don't really factor in anymore, except that having them home probably interferes with your marriage as well.
My oldest and very dear friend was once married to an alcoholic. He was the father of her children and as he went downhill, she tried to prevent his slide for the sake of their children. He finally slid too far and they divorced, and he later drank too much and took too many pills and "accidentely" passed away. But the reason I tell the story is this. My friend has always been very devout, very much a part of her church, and her first husband was always more interested in drinking and was not, actually, even a very nice or honest man. But her NEW husband, they share religious interests and LOVE discussing their church and together they teach Bible study and center their life around God. My friend is SOOOOOO much happier. It is sad that it took the death of her first husband, but she could do nothing to stop his downward spirol. She tried very hard, but he was just determined to take her down with him and alcohol made him a difficult man. It was too bad, because before he drank, he was kind of a nice guy. It ruins a lot of people.
My hubby never touches a drop, but it is not for a good reason. His own father was an extremely abusive drunk, who drank himself literally to death. Because he has known such an extreme alcoholic, my husband has zero desire to become anything like that and I am thankful. I do think alcoholism can be genetic and hopefully we can stop the cycle at my husband's generation in our family (our grown daughter also does not really drink). My own family is a long line of more refined alcoholics, but even so, it was not an example I really wanted to follow either. My family fancies themselves wine tasters.
I think I'd have plan A and plan B. Plan A is if he shapes up and Plan B is what you are going to do without him. and expect that plan B is going to be the fork in the road you take. Because I'd give him the "you need to decide between us" speech when you are READY to leave and not a day before, so you don't make hardship and heartache for yourself. At least your children are grown and they don't really factor in anymore, except that having them home probably interferes with your marriage as well.
My oldest and very dear friend was once married to an alcoholic. He was the father of her children and as he went downhill, she tried to prevent his slide for the sake of their children. He finally slid too far and they divorced, and he later drank too much and took too many pills and "accidentely" passed away. But the reason I tell the story is this. My friend has always been very devout, very much a part of her church, and her first husband was always more interested in drinking and was not, actually, even a very nice or honest man. But her NEW husband, they share religious interests and LOVE discussing their church and together they teach Bible study and center their life around God. My friend is SOOOOOO much happier. It is sad that it took the death of her first husband, but she could do nothing to stop his downward spirol. She tried very hard, but he was just determined to take her down with him and alcohol made him a difficult man. It was too bad, because before he drank, he was kind of a nice guy. It ruins a lot of people.
My hubby never touches a drop, but it is not for a good reason. His own father was an extremely abusive drunk, who drank himself literally to death. Because he has known such an extreme alcoholic, my husband has zero desire to become anything like that and I am thankful. I do think alcoholism can be genetic and hopefully we can stop the cycle at my husband's generation in our family (our grown daughter also does not really drink). My own family is a long line of more refined alcoholics, but even so, it was not an example I really wanted to follow either. My family fancies themselves wine tasters.
- Thread starter
- #693
Denim Deb
More Precious than Rubies
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2010
- Messages
- 14,993
- Reaction score
- 619
- Points
- 417
19 weeks, or 95 days, whichever way you want to look at it, that's how much longer I'll be working. I had originally planned on working to the end of the year. Then I changed it to the end of October, now I've decided it will be the end of August. I think I'm glad I'll be getting my garden in late because I probably will be doing the majority of my harvesting in September, so this will work out well. And, when that's all done, my hubby is going to be given the choice of either getting help, or I'm leaving. By then, I'll have things all set up for all of the animals, as well as a place to stay if I need to. Plus, my house will finally be clean, so if I do leave, it will be easy for me to get my stuff out.
framing fowl
On a mission
Glad to hear those plans are firming up. Praying for you.
Natalie's Nesters
Power Conserver
Sorry to hear about this Deb. Why do you have to leave? Sounds like you have many reasons to stay there, he can take the bottle with him anywhere.
- Thread starter
- #696
Denim Deb
More Precious than Rubies
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2010
- Messages
- 14,993
- Reaction score
- 619
- Points
- 417
Quite truthfully, if we split up, in all probability, neither of us would be able to stay here. So, I'd need a place for my animals anyway. That's one reason that I've stayed, the animals. I'm hoping that if it came to me leaving, if nothing else worked to give him a wake up call, that would.Natalie's Nesters said:
- Thread starter
- #697
Denim Deb
More Precious than Rubies
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2010
- Messages
- 14,993
- Reaction score
- 619
- Points
- 417
OK, I'm going to be counting down the number of days of work I have left in my title. I think that will help it to seem more real. And since I worked today, I only have 94 days left!
My OH had off Saturday, Sunday and today. I think he has off tomorrow as well. Quite truthfully, when he's home, I don't really get much done in the house. He's in the way.
Saturday, I went to a stream health workshop at the nature center, then came home and slept B4 going out to the farm and feeding RU's horses.
Sunday, I came home from church and slept B4 going out to the farm and feeding RU's horses.
Today, I came home from work, and from feeding RU's horses, and slept.
So, other than feeding horses, and cleaning more of my field, about all I've done for the past 3 days was sleep. I think I just might have been a tad bit tired. Now I'm ready to go out and feed my animals.
My OH had off Saturday, Sunday and today. I think he has off tomorrow as well. Quite truthfully, when he's home, I don't really get much done in the house. He's in the way.
Saturday, I went to a stream health workshop at the nature center, then came home and slept B4 going out to the farm and feeding RU's horses.
Sunday, I came home from church and slept B4 going out to the farm and feeding RU's horses.
Today, I came home from work, and from feeding RU's horses, and slept.
So, other than feeding horses, and cleaning more of my field, about all I've done for the past 3 days was sleep. I think I just might have been a tad bit tired. Now I'm ready to go out and feed my animals.
savingdogs
Queen Filksinger
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2009
- Messages
- 5,478
- Reaction score
- 5
- Points
- 221
You probably need the sleep. Don't feel bad about it! Sleep!
so lucky
Almost Self-Reliant
Deb, I've been reading the latest part of your journal and can certainly empathize with your struggles with your spouse. I was married to an alcoholic for 19 years. I knew I was going to leave him long before I got up the courage and means to do so. I read a book entitled "Learning to Leave" which I kept hidden in my purse so he couldn't see it. It gave all sorts of suggestions about getting your own credit, saving up enough money to get out, lots of legal and practical stuff. It just so happened that my brother had an insurance settlement about that time, and shared with his siblings, not having a clue what I had in mind for my part. I set up a savings account of my own. I started going to Al-anon, which annoyed the h--- out of my husband. He didn't accept that he had a problem. It was a real blow to his ego that I was leaving him--not for another man--but because the marriage was destroying us and our kids. It sounds like you have been pretty much living your own life for some time, so it will be (relatively) easy to live without him. I wish you good luck, much courage, sunshine and smiles.
Dace
Revolution in Progress
Deb, you are a fine woman, I wish you the best and will prey for you and your husband. 
