Today I took sometime to sit in the shade and pass a few thoughts about my life and how I affect people around me and how positive is my general vibe? You know and I couldn't find to much there really. I am generally a kind rather raw sense of humor guy who loves to make friends giggle or when serous, some one folks will listen to. I enjoy simple things in life while sharing it with my wife.
There is no reason for me to blame myself over this mess, as I mentioned warnings many years which fell on deaf ears. My pleads were left unanswered as my father thought he knew more than me and for once I hoped he was right. He and Linda died and saved our lives here in my house including my DD/DS/DW and myself.
As I sat on my tractor this evening, as the sun became a yellow/gold color I looked at the soil and remember all the work that I did to get it that way. I considered how they would want me to be the best dad/husband/friend I could be and remember them by the good and show them honor by the way that I carried myself.
Certainly this bums me out, and I needed to find the good and work towards my own goals of life including raising my kids, better living, better food, getting ready for my silver years now why I still have the health to get it done. My dad planned for his in a different way than I am planning my life, but he wasn't raised on a farm by a pioneering woman who was a wonderful person.
I want to thank all of you that support me now, time will heal these wounds and the awful truth of the matter will be made public in the near future. Your support is important to me because your my friends and in this storm I need you to be my rock. When this storm is over, I will raise my flags/sails and move on to the next adventure in our lives. I am glad to have you folks to be a small part of my own life.
Sometimes its the small moments of reflection that bring us hope and light. I find myself reading my siggy a lot when I feel overwhelmed. As you have seen for yourself, the truth can be ugly, but we find strength in the good memories, and our family, friends, and those things that make us remember who we are.
I missed the details of what happened, but it sounds horribly tragic.
I find the garden to be the most healing place. We built our first pond just after we lost a family member and between the hard work keeping us preoccupied, and enjoying the end result (this was our first duck pond, so we laughed a lot watching our ducks take to water) I found the experience memorable and therapeutic.
Still thinking about you and your family. Hard work will help those wounds heal and give you peace. Plant a tree or shrub for your dad in a special place where you can reflect on his life and yours. You'll probably find yourself talking to it like you would have talked to him.