Jason closes his journal... Thanks!! I love you!!

[Wifezilla]

As I sat on my tractor this evening, as the sun became a yellow/gold color I looked at the soil and remember all the work that I did to get it that way. I considered how they would want me to be the best dad/husband/friend I could be and remember them by the good and show them honor by the way that I carried myself.

 

[modern_pioneer]

My Dad... Hummmm... Here is a picture of him replacing the Christmas star on top of the tree when Linda couldn't find it.
This is how I will remember my Dad, what a goofy guy sometimes.

These last few days have allowed my soul to take in all that has happened and deal with this at a level of trying to find the way to live on. I start grief counseling tomorrow with the wife, and later with the kids as I just don't have the tools needed to push forward alone. The first few days we went into hiding and just couldn't get it sorted, than we had to head down to get everything sorted, still no time to grieve, back home with the kids, still trying to find a way to let it out without making the kids feel worse than they already do.

I am not allowed to say/post pics of Linda at her families request, I will respect their wishes as they have that right.

I have lost all the plants in the green house as I forgot to line some one up to water them, so I have started my seeds over again. I also will be getting my tater baskets done this weekend.

I think that my life has changed so much that I need to learn how to deal with it now. Although at times I am sad/mad/angry/hurt and all the emotions that come with this, I want you all to know that my mental health/physical health are both doing good. I am a strong willed man and the rock of my family. I know that it is healthy to cry and get the process of grieving out in the open. This will take some time I know, meanwhile I will keep moving in the same direction as I was before this happened.

Dad and I had walking sticks that we found on his property while I was visiting with them year before last. I asked Richard if I could take it with me he agreed and allowed me to get it. I plan to carve Dad in the handle and do some copper work on it and use it for Geo Caching which we will start again in the near future.

The humid air and peepers made sure I was up early this morning, and my Aunt wrote me a wonderful email. Aunt Kelli was my Moms sister, and as strong headed as my Mom. Her DH, Leon, is a wonderful soul and you can feel his goodness when he is around you. I could always hear him humming John Denver tunes when he was doing something. He and Kelli were anti war protesters during Nam and were flower children of sorts. I always believed that they were meant for each other and seem to reach out and show some love.

I am glad to be home now, though I may have to return soon to handle some of dads estate matters. Dad has a lock box in his name only and I will need to be legally made executor before I can search there for a will. Once the will is made public (our family as well as Lindas) than I will know how Dad would want me to handle his affairs.

I am in good spirits today, though the last few weeks seem like a movie.

 

[justusnak]

What a fun picture, and a great memory of your dad. He has a great personality, I can see it in his face. You my friend, I am sure, are like your dad. Strong when needed, soft when needed, and fun to be around...by all. Like an Oreo Cookie, ( my favorite by the way) Hard shell, soft and sweet inside.
When I lost my mother, my best friend in 2008, I really thought my world was going to come to an end. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. I still have days...but when I am in the garden, or with my little lambs...or new baby chicks...I talk to mom, and ask her what she thinks of it all. It helps.
So glad you are able to get the walking stick...what a treasure. After you do the "finishing touches" I am sure we would ALL love to see it. I know I do! I really enjoy seeing your work...your art!
We are all here for ya J...rock solid.!

 

[lorihadams]

he seems like a character....good that you have fun memories of him to lean on now....

 

[modern_pioneer]

Well I have currents on the bush this year!!!! I mean not enough for a pint of jam but still it is good to have them.

The blueberries are loaded this year. I trimmed the old apple tree this year, Greg said to trim so that a cardinal could fly straight threw it. I was quit sure if that would help me, but I did it anyway.

I did freemotions vanilla extract thingie again as the first one fell and broke. I waited till the beans went on sale again. I got four long beans for 2 dollars. I used the same bottle of vodka as I don't drink to much of that stuff. I am especially careful during times of great stress like these times as addictions run in my family tree.

I found a birdie nest being built in the motor of my tractor today, so I just moved it to a tree about 12 feet off the ground.

Today my mind has returned to a more normal state, and I was able to sleep 5 hours before getting up. I had a moment of anger last night, and tried not to lash out on my family. But in my frustration at people, I said some cuss words and called some people bad names and had a short rant directed at DW about Lindas family. Once I got it out, DW reminded me to deal with this matter at a slightly higher level than they are.

I recovered from my anger while taking a shower and made my way to the bed to talk to DW who understood. However it doesn't make what I did right. I will need to remind myself of these emotional issues are what they are and I need to be aware of how I express my frustration.

Today I seem to have adjusted my attitude using my tools from my military bearing.

Traci seems to be doing well, but still taking pills to handle the emotional impact of this matter. I worry about this but know she is doing so to cope. I did find a herbal tea recipe and will need to get the stuff to mix some up for her.

I will not let Brandon control my life once again as he has in the past. I am going to keep my life moving forward like I planned prior to this matter. Moving forward with my lfe/family is what has to be done.

BTW where are my morel mushrooms this year?

I will be posting pics of some things that is going on later this week.

My sister found four, four leaf clovers.....

Do you believe that the dead can show signs to you? Can they communicate with us? Do spirits that are not rested stay around? Do they watch you? I am interested in hearing you points on this matter, what have you seen/felt/found odd after a loved one dies?

 

[pioneergirl]

I believe in spirits, and knowing when one you are close to passes. My maternal grandparents are both gone, and I knew when each one passed. It wasn't that they 'came' to me, but I felt a certain sense of peace and it was immediately followed by their face in my head. Both of them died of illnesses, so the peace I felt was their release (I believe) from their suffering.

At their funerals/family gatherings, I was the rock, the one that didn't cry. Of course, everyone took that as a "bad" thing, but I knew they were better where they were, much better, and that made me happy. Especially for my grandmother, since her daughter was the one that drove her mad, literally, and made her so mentally unstable, and stole money from her as if it were the right thing to do.

Anyway, I believe that if we are exceptionally close to a person, whether a family member or not, we know when they pass. And I also believe they come to us in many ways...smells, something said, feelings, or just that deep down sense of security. That bit of hope that gets us through. I try to pay attention to the signs, and I hope their presence makes me a better person.

 

[Occamstazer]

I absolutely believe that spirits can communicate with us!

Backstory for anecdote:
September 2008 my dad died completely unexpectedly. My grandfather died unexpectedly of something unrelated four days later.
I was a Train Wreck, capital letters.

A couple months ago, I heard from my grandfather!
I had what I would call a true dream. I have had dreams that involved both of them in the past, but they were just dreams.

In the true dream, things started out normal and silly dream stuff. My best friend and I were building something in front of Grandmom's house and there were puppies everywhere. Normal dream nonsense. Then I saw a young man standing next to the mailbox, and I became lucid and realized I was dreaming.
The young man did not speak, but I knew it was my grandfather. I ran over and gave him a big hug. Then I had a moment of intuition (hardly normal for blockhead me) and I asked him,
"You're not here to stay, are you?"
He smiled rather wistfully and shook his head, and I somehow knew at that point that he could not speak because it was taking so much effort just to be there at all. As he smiled, he dissapeared.
At that point I woke up, very happy and baffled.

The eerie bit: I told Grandmom about it, and she had the same dream but with my father. She saw him standing in the kitchen. He smiled mysteriously and dissapeared.

I was a bit irritated for awhile that I haven't heard from Dad, but I understand now why he hasn't contacted me. His death very nearly killed me and I think he is afraid to stir the pot, so to speak. For months after he died, I couldn't stay awake for more than three hours at a time. My body and mind just shut down completely.

The happy part: I had that strange true dream just after Josh and I decided to get married. Grandad loved Josh a lot. I think he was voicing his approval.

 

[Dace]

Interesting question. My hubby lost his very best friend 13 yrs ago. It was extremely hard on him, they grew up together and were like brothers.


He had several dreams with Scott in them. In one he talked to him and said, Dude, you are dead. What are you doing here? Scott said something to the effect of I don't want you to worry, I am fine.


I really don;t know what I believe in answer to your questions, but I know that a lot of people do believe that spirits come back and try to communicate.

 

[tommywalnuts]

MP

Man, once again my heart goes out to you and yours. I'm glad you're able to find things to focus on to get you through this...its probably the way your dad would have wanted it. Just keep hanging in there.

As to spirits, yes I believe. There is a LOT of spirit belief in native american ways. One belief is after passing, the spirit goes "visiting". You may just feel them, or hear noises, or even see them. My grandad passed in '91, and about once a year for many years(during my wild times) he would check in on me, as I would put it. My grandma just passed in October, and the day before she passed, my cousin and I saw a mans shadow in the bathroom(her and Papaws bath) while she lay in the bed. I believe he had waited on her. After she was gone, my aunt and I saw her for an instant in the hallway. So....don't be afraid(I'm sure your not). Just...I dunno, just accept that they are checking on you, to see that you'll be OK.

 

[dragonlaurel]

Wish I could help you through this. Grieving is a twisty, bumpy road. Some sections go smoother and fairly easy, but there are some potholes.

" My sister found four, four leaf clovers.....

Do you believe that the dead can show signs to you? Can they communicate with us? Do spirits that are not rested stay around? Do they watch you? I am interested in hearing you points on this matter, what have you seen/felt/found odd after a loved one dies? "

They absolutely can. The connection to people we loved stays. They visit when they can and can use lots of different ways to say hello. My Mom's fiance passed and he makes the wind chimes start ringing when she sits at their spot on the porch. These are heavy chimes, and don't get much breeze normally.
I got very depressed when my Great Grandma passed- even though nobody had told me yet. She was one of my favorite people in the world. She came to me years later, when I was in danger and talked me through EXACTLY what I needed to do to get out of it. In detail. She was with me a few hours. I also felt her presence when I was getting ready to get married. She was happy for me.
Ashley also visited me a while after her passing, to comfort me.
My DH has a Grandma that comes when somebody in the family is down sick. The room smells like Vicks after- even if you don't own a jar of it. She used to put it on all her family - for any kind of sickness or injury.
His other Grandma "hung around" for many years because she was worried about her husband. She waited to finish crossing.

People still care about us after they pass over. It's not easy to visit and they can't usually stay for long, but they will check on us when they can.