Jason closes his journal... Thanks!! I love you!!

[dragonlaurel]

I wish I could help erase that memory for you. I know faith can be comforting and I would encourage anything that can make you feel better through this. Each person chooses what fits them about religion anyway.

Spirits can be in shock after traumatic deaths. It's harder to cross over until the shock wears off. They also wanted you to find those things and give them to people in the family, so more healing could happen. When you started taking care of everything, it let them know the situation was in good hands and they were free to go. You might feel their presence again, but they needed to move on, to get over what happened.
Some spirits do get "stuck" but you would have kept feeling their presence there- if they were. Violent crime can easily leave an energy residue (like a stain) on a place though. Even though the people are crossed, anyone that is pretty psychic may never feel comfortable around that place.

I have seen and felt spirits but not often. My Great-Grandma was there for me once when I was in danger in 94 and again when I was getting married Dec 08. She "passed" in 1986. I've had some other experiences too, but not going into them here- in open forum.

I suggest checking your county extension office and seeing if they have a list of planting dates for your area for year round gardening. You're further north than me, but I bet you could still plant spinach, any of the cabbage family, lettuces, peas, carrots and radishes. Just do as much as you feel like, this coming season, but the earth is very healing so it may benefit you.

You might also consider planting a long lived type of tree as a memorial to your parents. If it is one of their favorite fruits that would also be very SS. Just a thought.

 

[kcsunshine]

A tree is a wonderful idea dragonlaurel. It has such a feeling of strength and vitality.

Jason, I wish I had the words to give you comfort, but I think you're getting stronger each day and your faith will see you through. Hopefully, soon, the nightmares will fade away and you'll begin to feel your father in the beauty
around your home, your wife, your children. I agree with dragonlaurel. Plant that tree, even if it's not a fruit or nut tree, it's branches will soon grow and give you a perfect peaceful place to stretch out and just feel your father's presence. You know he was very proud of you and what you've accomplished and he would want you to get back the life you had before this tragedy.

And, as far as believing in spirits, I firmly believe that the dog that came wandering up to our house in the dead of winter, was the spirit of my FIL that passed that fall. She had his mannerisms in so many ways and came just at the time to give my DH such comfort.

 

[emilosevich]

So sorry to hear about the tragedy that you had to experience. I believe that spirits do exist and have felt them at different times in my life. Kinda like a sixth sense. I am glad you have found help to see you through this in your church family and other counseling.

 

[TanksHill]

Jay, I wish I could put how I feel in words but I think a big hug may be better,

It's good to hear your progressing in your recovery. The sadness and loss you have experienced still grips my heart.

The garden can wait don't worry, it will be there next year. Laying dormant waiting for you. This time off will be good for the earth as well as for you. Time to regenerate, recoup and be stronger for next year.

The new church sounds good. I always feel such a sense of support and comfort when I find my way to a service. Hummm maybe I should go more.

Take care.

gina

 

[justusnak]

Jay,

Reading your words touched me so deeply. I feel your pain in every word..and I also feel your healing. As you know...we lost our son tragically in June. My father passed away 2 days after my son. I Honestly felt I was haveing a mental breakdown. Now, I am not usually a churchy type, however, I do love and fear God. It was at that point in my life...when I prayed...hard. I asked God to help me through this pain, to take away my anger, and to comfort my fears. I can tell you, I felt Gods arms embrace me. Like when I was a child, scared, or sick, and my mother would hold me and comfort me. Then, I was at peace with it all. Oh, I still cried something horrible at my sons funeral...and still have times when I just cry without even knowing I am crying. Then, I talk to God...and ask him for comfort..and you know what? I feel it!! Like a warm blanket wrapped around me. A very dear friend told me at the viewing... " God took the brightest light in your family circle, so when your time comes, he will be there to light your way" I take comfort in these words. I smile thinking that when my time comes...my son will be there lighting my path home. Your parents will too be there, to light your path when your time comes.
Just know....you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I will pray that God wraps his loveing arms around you and your family, and that you will feel the comfort of his love.
As for the spirits....yes, I DO believe they can "stay behind" when thier life was taken so abruptly. Like they are not sure what happened or what they are to do next. But know....they are now at peace. That is why you dont "feel" them now when you go back there. They wanted to comfort you, and saw that you are a strong man, and can handle this. ( even tho sometimes we dont think we are strong) My beliefe is....once they saw what you was seeing, they realised....they needed to go "home"
Now, I know we all here are not on the same page as religion goes...but I feel.....They are not watching over us, once they pass on. Think about it this way. Once our spirits are commited to Heaven, there is no pain, no suffering, no fear, no sadness. If our loved ones were "watching over us" Would they not be in anguish over the trials we are faceing? Would they not be saddened, seeing us suffer our losses? How could that be, if they are in heaven? I dont think they completly forget us, but they are in such bliss...being with our Father. Im not wanting to start a debate on this...its just MY way of thinking of things. I am sure not everyone agrees.
I have faith Jay, that you and your family will heal from this tragic loss. Even tho we have never met face to face....we all here are "family" and feel your pain..and know that we are all praying for you and your family.

 

[FarmerChick]

remember above all no matter what happens Life is for the Living

live ur life
work thru ur tragedy

I hope it all settles for you
it is more than one can stand I am sure
best of luck for a bright future in ur thoughts

 

[Mamadirt]

Jay, my Dad was murdered in 1989, so I have an idea of how you feel. He was a wonderfull Dad and I miss him everyday, he was also a friend and a great teacher of gardening and everyday skills. It's hard to let go of the feelings of hate and revenge against the killer. I did feel Dad's presence at times and it was always peacefull. I don't think he was upset with anyone. It surprised me!! I feel he is happy where he is and if he is then so am I. I felt Dad wanted us to let go of the anger and live life to our best. He did. He died protecting others. I will always wish I had a few more years with him, but for his sake I let go of the anger and lived like I knew it would make him happy. (out in the garden) Once the shock wears off and you are able to think of the strengths your Dad gave you, I bet you also will find peace. I pray for you and yours. Jan

 

[modern_pioneer]

As it would be, closure is on its way as my heart is feeling better now that things are coming to a close. We were not allowed a lot of the property, but we knew that would be the case. So a small list was given over, and everything we asked for we were granted except my dads personal hand tools.

Linda had named my sister and I as beneficiaries of her policy, and as it should her family how she felt about us having no children of her own. I have always maintained Linda was a good friend and never as a mom to me, I had buried my mom in 1989. I loved (linda)her and often asked advice as I would have done from my real mom.

Richard, Lindas brother and Admin of her estate, granted to us the things we asked for and I am pleased. He has been a assk towards everyone, police to the poeple in the bank and even his own lawyer. I have done nothing out of hate/anger and there is a lot to be said about the pride I feel by not over responding to this emotional mess.

He has been taken back by the release of the beneficiaries of Lindas insurance, and now struggling with the facts. Thou their home is worth 400k, they get that, 22 acres, and everything else. I am happy to get dads kubota tractor and some of his guns. All this if everything goes well this weekend.

If it all works out well, I will be putting a couple tractors up for sale here first, one International super C and a newer John Deere. Then in a few days I will be posting it on craigs list.

During my drive down, you would not believe what I saw being pulled by four work horses!!!! I was going to stop to take a picture but I was on a highway. I saw four work horses pulling a mechanical baler. The bales were just falling off the back but they were pulling it and it was making hay..... I have got to get my head around that one. Anyone of you do or see this before???

I am feeling better and my mental health is getting better as well. Thanks for your support as I get myself through this tough time and live my own life. Debbie your in my prayers, time teaches us and helps heal these wounds.

I miss you folks and I will be back to catch up soon. None of yuns had more children since I haven't been here? Did anyone quit smoking? Hows your gardens?

 

[elijahboy]

i have been in probate with my brother for a year and a half so i know what your going through with the probate headaches

 

[SKR8PN]

Jay, glad to hear everything going along as smoothly as possible, for the most part. Time will take care of everything else.

As for the horses pulling a mechanical baler? We live in the heart of Amish and Mennonite country, so we see stuff like that all the time and more. I was in an Amish leather shop awhile back, and their sewing machines are run by an overhead belt and pulley system that is powered by a gasoline engine outside the back of the shop. I watched them make a double harness setup for pulling a wagon. What a work of art!


Garden is doing great, got the greenhouse up and stuff planted in it, just need to get a few more trim boards up and it is complete.