Lorihadams-- hi guys...been busy!

[hillfarm]

The thing I know helped me the most was not being afraid to talk about it. It took 15 years to even admit that it occurred.
I was told they would come looking for me if I did. They were members of the bandido biker gang. YEP. just called em out. Not afraid. I couldnt have them arrested. Frankly because I think the law feared them too. But I will not cowar from them.
Come near my house and a shotgun will be waiting. No warnings.
I am definantly into self sufficiency because of my past but I also found a lot of power in my own self. Which encouraged me to persue a country life.

I was a victim. I was a child. Now I am a grown-up licensed to carry a concealed weapon, who has many weapons in conveinant places. I have fences and video cams. I have alarm systems too. But more than that, I have the knowledge to protect myself and my family from animals of all kinds.

What happened made me stronger. I believe it is why I eneded up in the job i did. It made me more compassionate and it forced me to discover just how mentally strong I really was.

I don't wish the experiance on my worst enemy, but I wouldnt change it. I am better in spite of it.

The more we speak up and out, the more we help those who think they are alone. The more we bring the predators into the light.

Believe your kids and give them a place to talk without fear of being ignored or called a liar.

Sorry to hijack. I wish I could speak to her personally. Please seek a group who can relate. You will find strength in your shared experiances. You are not alone.

 

[lorihadams]

Wow....sorry I haven't been able to respond in the last couple of days....started running a fever and have a massive head cold. I'm on azithrimyacin so hopefully I'll be better soon. I already feel better today. Hubby let me crash in bed as soon as he got home yesterday. He slept in my DD's bed last night cause he knew I'd be up coughing and tossing and turning all night. I was also up from 1am to 3am trying to find my stupid dog and keep everything from blowing off the front porch during a MASSIVE storm last night. I was so worried about the chicken tractor turning over that I was up every 15 minutes during the storm checking on it. Then the dog threw up at 2:30 so I had to clean up puke all over the house.

Just found out that my ENTIRE family will be here for thanksgiving. My brother and his husband and their 2 great danes will be here Sunday! I miss him terribly.

Anyway, I can't believe that so many of us have been through this. Mine started in high school when I had a crush on a boy. He had a girlfriend at another school and he also abused my best friend in addition to me. I lost my virginity to him at 17 on the hood of my car in his remote driveway when I went to his house to get an encyclopedia back that he had borrowed. I screamed all the way home. In some twisted way I wanted him to want me but I knew he really didn't. When I finally got the courage to tell him I didn't want anything to do with him anymore he broke into my house and abused me one day. He also threw me across the room and told me to "lay there and let him finish cause I don't know what the F*** I was doing"

Then when I got to college I went crazy. I was one of those girls that never had a social life and never got asked out on dates. I went out with a guy to a party off campus and got wasted and passed out. I came too while he was raping me and then had to endure the car ride home with him.

I was very promiscuous in college and some after. I figured like so many others, that guys would just take it and that no one would like me if I didn't have sex with them anyway. After college I was in a relationship with a man that I did love and became pregnant. He told me that if I didn't have an abortion he would leave me and would have nothing to do with the child. I know this to be true cause I found out that he had done it before to another woman. She was lucky, she had the child and eventually found a wonderful man that adopted their daughter.

So, the day before my birthday I had an abortion. I am not proud of it but I can't go back and change it now. My brother is the only one of my family members that knows about it. My hubby knows and is repulsed by it. He loves children and couldn't believe that someone that told me he loved me could give me an ultimatum like that. Did I also mention that he gave me chylamidia? Yep, he was a winner.

I continued to be promiscuous until I met my husband. I met him Jan 2000 and we have been together ever since. I knew he was different cause he just seemed to love me no matter what.

I think sometimes he just wants me to tell him that I don't love him anymore to make it feel like there is a definitive reason for all this. I DO love him. I can't believe he has stuck with me for so long. We have been to counseling for the last 2 years. Most of the time we go individually but we have gone together. Her advice to him was to give me one solid month without asking me for any physical contact at all and let me be in control completely. Yeah, that lasted a week.

For him it is the emotional connectedness that he desires. He never really had a relationship with his father growing up and his mother was very manipulative when he was younger. I tend to pull away from the emotional side of things. I've never been romantic or lovey dovey....the first 4 or 5 months maybe when we were together but once we settled into a routine I kind of slacked off on it.

I don't know what to do....he's just tired of everyone telling him to be patient.

 

[Bubblingbrooks]

Lori, I have not been in your situation, except for my body not functioniong as well as it should due to adrenal fatigue, but I would like to offer this.
Love and intimacy take practice. Daily. All of the time, regardless of circumstances and how long one has been married.
May I suggest to you, that you choose to make one romantic guesture
towards your dh every day over the next week.
Be very deliberate about it.
Once you are comfy doing doing one thing, do two.
Be deliberate about being the first one to greet him when he gets home from work or running errands.

 

[lorihadams]

I try that and then he looks at me like I have lobsters crawling out of my ears.....

He won't even kiss me now cause I'm sick....won't even hug me. I don't blame him I'm pretty gross right now.

I'll try again....maybe it will help.

 

[Bubblingbrooks]

I try that and then he looks at me like I have lobsters crawling out of my ears.....

He won't even kiss me now cause I'm sick....won't even hug me. I don't blame him I'm pretty gross right now.

I'll try again....maybe it will help.

I don't necessarily mean physical stuff right away. Little things like favorite foods, chair and book prepped the way he likes, certain clothing specially pressed, notes in lunch or even unexpected places like the glove box or pants pocket.

 

[TanksHill]

Awww... I remember leaving love notes for my dh. Geesh it's been a long time since I have done that. Maybe I'll try again.

Hang in there Lori, something will help.

g

 

[Bubblingbrooks]

Awww... I remember leaving love notes for my dh. Geesh it's been a long time since I have done that. Maybe I'll try again.

Hang in there Lori, something will help.

g

Never quit dating your spouse

 

[AL]

Ever watch the movie "Fireproof" ?

 

[MorelCabin]

Well, I think you have to find a love language he understands, that is NOT sex, and make sure he knows that if nothing else you do love him very much.
Your life and my life have run on pretty similar planes, my DH is probably the only man I will ever trust the way I do, he seems to love me no matter what, and I was really promiscuous when I met him to. He is truly a gift from God.

 

[TTs Chicks]

wow - I can't add anything at all but