Mental health is important too! Stories, advice?

[Blackbird]

There are quite a few people that have hurt me, in many ways, often daily and repeatedly. A lot of the time, I just have to tell myself that they are no better than me, and that by hurting others, they are getting no where. It cannot gain them the happiness that they really want or need. In the end I find myself feeling sorry for them, I don't always understand why they do these things, or why they choose to do them to me, but I can't help but feel sorry for them. It took me a while to realize that, I used to question what was wrong with me, and what I needed to change about myself, and why I was wrong, but thats not the way it goes. People may still go about and be mean to me, or tell me that I am wrong as a person, or argue about things, but sometimes I ust have to sit back and ask myself.. why? Why are they doing this to me? Why do they feel this way, or that way. I guess I don't necessarily need to understand that, or accept that, or even try to, but I will not forget that. Arguments, fights, things like that are one thing, but then there are others. Some can easily be resolved and forgiven, but others one can never forget, and never forgive.

So I guess for somethings, like as Dace said, they will never go away, but they can be left alone and 'under lock and key'. I often have to just keep going, I can't stop and dwell on these things, because they can get me no where.. I shouldn't waste my time and continue to think about them, or relive them, or anything. Just keep going. And that is just as hard in itself. I might want to go back in time and never have those things happen, and have this perfect little life, but it can never be.

So you can think of that as you want, I have no idea anymore.

 

[FarmerChick]

No trouble ever, at all, with family member and my close friends.

We are close and KNOW how to be kind to each other and never dwell on negative issues or anything. My family and close friends....we let it go!! No matter who has to compromise we do and let it just melt away. Never would we fight.

I avoid negative people and don't feel guilty about it or anything.

It is up to ME to find happiness in this life. I don't ever rely on others or let them get in my way.

I truly have a great life cause I make it great.

Dealing with weirdos, well they only get one chance with me...and then I will never speak or deal with them again.

I have no issues with anyone cause I only allow good people into my life.


Dealing with any weirdos or complainers, only one chance they get with me, if I feel them too negative etc....never do I speak or deal with them again. Always I am nice, but never give them any of my real time cause it is precious to me.


Hmm...I am one lucky gal.


I DID HAVE TO LEARN to let go and it has gotten easier as I got older. Younger I did let some friend things bother me, but now, nope I won't allow it. just came with my age I guess. I have learned and it suits me perfect.

 

[Beekissed]

5. You simply can't focus on the past and be able to see the present.

Learn to let it go....it may come back to you looking very differently. Perspective is everything!

Let me tell you, you all could write a book! Some of the best quotes I've seen in a long while.......



6. Take time to explore why folks act the way they do, with knowledge comes understanding.....and just maybe some common ground.

My current boss is the best boss I have ever had, he's tough, fair, honest & gracious, plus he gives me credit for the work I do. I know that now. However, when I first began working under him, I have to admit that we rubbed each other the wrong way. We had spats almost every day. I don't know why he put up with me, but I'm glad he did. I began praying for him and sending good, healing, gracious thoughts his way during the day. At night, I would list his good qualities to myself and focus on those being the only things I knew about him at all. It dramatically improved our relationship. Nothing about him changed that much, but I was able to ignore his foibles and habits that rubbed me wrong, and I had a better perspective on him as a person, with good points & bad, just like myself.

I still find myself looking at the negatives about people, but my ability to see past those, into the real person & their goodness has improved.

 

[DrakeMaiden]

I'm glad you have found the fortitude to not let anyone take away your happiness and peace. No one should ever feel like a doormat! I think there is a fine line between asserting one's own mental space and possibly being (or appearing) confrontational, and as Dace said, graciousness works best . . . so long as it is a firm sort of graciousness.

 

[Beekissed]

I am simply loving this thread!!!! It feels so healing to me.....

I have to go home and I'm on call tonight, so I can't get on here much, if any.

Could someone take over for me on counting down the great advice this thread has engendered? When we get it all done, I'm going to make a master list of the great advice so we can see them in their entirety.

Thank you all for participating....this is wonderful.

 

[FarmerChick]

Another smart thing to remember is

to measure your own worth for what you do, and not what people think


I "police" myself to be sure I am doing the best I can most times, I could care less who thinks that is good enough or not. I never allow what someone might say influence me too much if it is negative. I listen, take what little good I can find from the conversation, and trash the rest. I am getting too old to "worry about what others think"---LOL

And for me, this gives me peace of mind definitely and I sure need that when I get super busy and such. I need clear thinking to stay on top of things.

 

[Beekissed]

There are quite a few people that have hurt me, in many ways, often daily and repeatedly. A lot of the time, I just have to tell myself that they are no better than me, and that by hurting others, they are getting no where. It cannot gain them the happiness that they really want or need. In the end I find myself feeling sorry for them, I don't always understand why they do these things, or why they choose to do them to me, but I can't help but feel sorry for them. It took me a while to realize that, I used to question what was wrong with me, and what I needed to change about myself, and why I was wrong, but thats not the way it goes. People may still go about and be mean to me, or tell me that I am wrong as a person, or argue about things, but sometimes I ust have to sit back and ask myself.. why? Why are they doing this to me? Why do they feel this way, or that way. I guess I don't necessarily need to understand that, or accept that, or even try to, but I will not forget that. Arguments, fights, things like that are one thing, but then there are others. Some can easily be resolved and forgiven, but others one can never forget, and never forgive.

So I guess for somethings, like as Dace said, they will never go away, but they can be left alone and 'under lock and key'. I often have to just keep going, I can't stop and dwell on these things, because they can get me no where.. I shouldn't waste my time and continue to think about them, or relive them, or anything. Just keep going. And that is just as hard in itself. I might want to go back in time and never have those things happen, and have this perfect little life, but it can never be.

So you can think of that as you want, I have no idea anymore.

Once again, BB, you are wise beyond your years! Do you know how long it took me to get there? How many years I questioned myself if people were intentionally mean? Too many......

Forgiving can come with practice but forgetting......well...that is a little harder and I don't know if we should forget some things. If someone has a tendency to hurt you, its wise to not trust them anymore and remember how destructive they can be.

 

[Beekissed]

7. measure your own worth for what you do, and not what people think

Good one, Farmer!

This one is pretty important and not as easy if you have been told by people you love, for all your life, what they think of you.....and its always bad.

An inferiorority complex is hard to shake and it tends to stay with you all your life, in little ways if not bigger ways.

I think, as one matures in life.....IF they mature, that is...this piece of advice becomes easier.....after all, if the person who looks at you out of your mirror each morning is good enough for you, then what others may think means little.

 

[me&thegals]

I'm always surprised by all the internet "rants."

I certainly can get stuck dwelling on hurts. Once I work through it, it is gone. I am trying to learn that bitterness only hurts me. It really eats away at a person's spirit.

I'm also learning to not spend time with people who are drains. I can be kind, I can be friendly, but I don't have to be that person's best friend. Life is too short.

It's helping me to remember that I cannot change anyone, but I can change myself.

And, seriously, a good, hard bout of exercise does amazing things for a person's mental well-being! AND, row upon row of canned fruits and veggies! I'm not being flippant here. Rather than overthinking things, simply moving and getting things done doesn't leave time for negativity Plus, it gives a person many things to give away as gifts, and doesn't that help all of our relationships?

 

[FarmerChick]

yea when younger I did "believe" negative things said about me, then as I got older, it was the others persons insecurities that would make those comments.

You are right. You MUST accept yourself first. If you do and come to terms with the true person you are and hold that dear, then what others say slides off alot easier and you don't take them to heart.

But again, being super fortunate that I have had a great childhood and great friends and very little trouble in my lifetime and I am certainly thankful for that!